u/AdHead5240

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the last 8 years. We were in the same school, and over time, we fell in love. We are each other’s first partners.
Everything was perfect until September 2022. Our trust and understanding were on another level. I never, not even once, thought she could cheat on me.
In 2020, I moved to another city for my graduation, while she stayed in our hometown for college. We still met once or twice a month. She was always insecure about herself and often thought she wasn’t good-looking enough. She would get anxious whenever another girl talked to me or whenever I made a female friend. Because I didn’t want to make her feel insecure, I avoided interacting with girls and never really made female friends.
After my graduation, I moved back to my hometown to prepare for my master’s entrance exam. Around the same time, she joined a college in Mumbai in August 2022. It was the first time she had ever moved away from home.
I was genuinely happy for her because she wanted to grow, become independent, and build a good career. But initially, she struggled to make friends and felt extremely lonely. She would sometimes cry to me almost every day. I kept encouraging her to make friends, join groups, and get involved in college life.
By September, she had finally made a group of friends. They would go out after college, visit clubs, have dinner, and spend time together.
I was never jealous or insecure about it. I was actually happy that she was finally enjoying herself.
But slowly, she started behaving differently.
The way she talked to me changed. The way she behaved changed. I could feel that something was wrong.
Whenever she shared pictures with her group, there was always one particular guy standing next to her.
Something didn’t feel right, but I didn’t say anything.
Instead, I started visiting her more often and spending more time with her. But deep down, I knew something had changed.
Eventually, I asked her about it.
She immediately started questioning me:
“What do you think about me? Do you think I’m a cheater?”
It turned into an argument. She started crying, and I began thinking that maybe everything was just in my head.
She even gave me her phone and told me to check it.
There was nothing.
October 2022
One night, she had plans to go out with her friends after a college event. She normally called me every night and told me everything, but that night she wasn’t answering my calls.
Since we had always shared our locations with each other for safety reasons, I checked her location around 11 PM.
She was at a club.
Around 12:30 AM, she finally called me and said she was out with her friends, would be home late, and told me not to worry and go to sleep.
But I knew something wasn’t right.
I couldn’t sleep. I kept checking her location.
After the club, they went to a beach around 2–3 AM. She wasn’t answering my calls.
Then her location showed a nearby hotel.
I kept calling her, but she didn’t answer.
Then she turned off her location.
She turned it back on around 7 AM, when she reached home, and texted me that she had reached safely and was going to sleep.
That afternoon, she called me crying and apologized.
I already knew something had happened.
She told me that she had kissed that guy—the same guy who was always beside her in those pictures.
She said they had “only kissed.”
But I didn’t believe her.
The next day, she came to meet me in my hometown.
I had been crying until she arrived. The pain I felt was unbearable. I genuinely felt like my heart was breaking.
She cried and promised that she would never do anything like that again. She even said she didn’t want to go back to Mumbai.
I tried to break up with her, but she wouldn’t let me.
I was weak. I couldn’t see her crying, even though she was the one who had hurt me.
November
We started talking regularly again.
Then she had to go to another city for a college event.
I was extremely anxious because that guy was in the same class, and they were going to stay at the same hotel for several days.
I cried in front of her and begged her not to go. I asked her to stay away from him and promised myself that I would try to trust her again.
She went anyway.
While she was there, she started avoiding my calls again.
When she returned, she met me, started crying, and told me that they had kissed again.
Later, I found out that they had been staying in the same hotel room.
Of course, I believed they had sex, but she always denied it.
I blocked her everywhere.
But she always found a way to contact me. She would cry, apologize, and tell me she was sorry.
I had grown up with this girl. I loved her deeply, and I couldn’t stand seeing her cry.
So I would eventually talk to her again.
And slowly, I would forget what had happened.
This cycle repeated three or four times.
The incident that broke me
I moved to Mumbai for my master’s in July 2023, but we weren’t living together.
I still wasn’t sure about her.
She was trying to put in effort and earn my trust back. We spoke almost every day, but we only met occasionally.
One day, she called me crying because she felt lonely. She had cut off almost everyone from her college because of what had happened with that guy, and she said she had no one to talk to.
I decided to surprise her.
I bought flowers, gifts, and everything else and went to her place.
When she opened the door, she looked shocked.
And scared.
Then she immediately closed the door.
At that moment, I knew something was wrong.
I started banging on the door.
Eventually, she opened it.
I went inside looking for that guy.
And I found him hiding in the bathroom.
I had always wanted to beat him up.
When I finally saw him, I lost control.
I attacked him.
My girlfriend was protecting him, so it felt like it was the two of them against me.
I was furious. I probably would have seriously hurt him if she hadn’t been there.
Eventually, he managed to run away.
I had already caused enough damage.
Then it was just me and her.
She was crying.
I grabbed her by the neck and wanted to hit her, but I stopped myself.
I called my friends. They came, picked me up, and took me home.
I blocked her everywhere.
But I never really moved on
A few months later, she created a new account and followed me.
She messaged me asking if I was okay.
I said I was fine.
A few days later, she messaged again.
Then again.
Eventually, she called me, and we talked for a few minutes.
This continued.
The truth is, I never really moved on from her.
I missed her every single day.
I wondered if she was okay, if she was safe, and if she was doing alright.
A few months later, we met.
We talked. We had dinner.
And slowly, we started talking regularly again.
Eventually, we got back together.
And this time, things were different.
She never did anything wrong again.
She genuinely changed.
She matured.
She has been trying to earn my trust back ever since.
And yes, we are together today.
I’m happy with her.
Everything between us feels right again.
I love her.
She loves me.
She understands me.
She’s genuinely sorry for everything that happened.
But there is one problem.
I still haven’t healed.
What happened still haunts me.
I still have dreams about them.
Sometimes I still cry.
Sometimes memories suddenly come back and completely destroy my mood.
I can’t forget what happened.
But at the same time, I can’t leave her.
I love her too much.
Her family has known me since the beginning of our relationship. My family knows her too.
Now both of our families are serious about us getting married.
But my family doesn’t know what she did to me.
Only two of my closest friends know the complete story.
Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself.
I feel ashamed that I’m still with the same girl who cheated on me repeatedly and made me cry for almost 1.5 years.
She cheated on me only with that one guy, but it happened repeatedly over that period.
And now I don’t know what to do.
I love her.
I know she has changed.
I know she regrets what she did.
I know our relationship is much better now.
But the past is still inside my head.
I can’t tell my family because almost everyone knows her, and I don’t know how they would react.

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What should i do?

What would you do if you were in my place?