u/AddendumImmediate134

First gotta say, I'm so grateful for these networks...Ive already posted to the relevant brain cancer sites and they're helpful, but they're missing an aspect of me, someone with bpd.

My loved one has been acting pissed at me all evening but he won't communicate. I am not exaggerating when I say he has turned into a stranger over the last 3 days.

I don't know if it's one or a combo of facing his mortality, or I did something to upset him, or there could be brain swelling, or the tumor is now pressing on his frontal lobe causing him to lose inhibitions, or he's reacting from new treatment started last monday.

I am exhausting myself jumping from one conclusion to another, generally all with the base fear that he's going to leave me (oh the irony). Is he pushing me away? Is he going to move out? Is he meeting a stranger for something nefarious?

Or is it the tumor?

Anger. I am in the anger stage of grief.

This is so fucking hard.

I am going to reach out to his oncologist Monday, probably leave a message for her tomorrow. I have my own network of support including a great psychiatrist, psychologist, and massage therapist. Sacral massages are very helpful.

Thanks for letting me be heard.

This is true horror. He started his 2nd tier treatments this week and he has turned into a stranger to me. He won't talk to me, barely acknowledges me, I've asked what I've done and I get a very quick, nothing, or forget about it.

He literally said he was done having any conversation with me and proceeded to say he's just sitting here "wasting the time away" in the dark silence of the den.

He's now asleep on the sofa. I doubt he will come to bed tonight. I pray he's just mad at me. I want my man back!

Hi fam, been posting during episodes. His or mine. Got a dilemma here. My guy finally started lumostine and bevicizumab this week and there has been a noticeable change in demeanor. Apathy for one. Being "sketchy" and hiding a certain phone call for another, I don't push, if he wants to share with me fine, if not, fine. I am attributing all of this to the tumor - this is a good, honest, gentle, man we are talking about here

Yesterday morning he disappeared for an hour and just wouldn't talk to me. I have his GPS and when it finally updated he was sitting in a parking lot about half a mile from home.

I don't want to raise alarms with him, but he isn't on dex and I'm thinking he might need to go on it. Is there swelling? Is the tumor affecting his frontal lobe? Is it a midline shift?

He just had his 56th bday so I was thinking it was that ... But this is a different person. Like I'm not even sure I can even trust him. He's acting so out of character.

Our oncologist has dropped the ball multiple times. she never even gave us these options until we pushed her. it's like she wrote him off.

So do I confront him or go around him?

My only true love (of only 4 years) is grade 4 GBM. This weekend he realizes very well may be his last birthday. He will be 56. He was diagnosed early Jan.

I'm watching his demeanor change, he's more bitter now and that's hard. It literally and truly is the tumor and not him.

I need solutions to MY actions and reactions. I cannot express more clearly this is not him, this is the tumor and as a result I will not address him as I would a normal human being...I hope that makes sense.

I think it's because he knows he's going to lose his license, (we had a hiccup yesterday over the matter). I have expressed my concerns with his vision - there is no law in this state that auto takes his license because of a brain tumor ... And honestly when he loses his license I know his quality of life will be gone too. I am sick to my stomach knowing that there are other lives on the road to consider as well.

I'm doing my best to take care of everything, I'm the breadwinner, my 86 y.o. mom lives with me as well. I used to be able to remote work, but thats not an option anymore.

Lots of family history so leaning on them isn't really an option for me.

I've completely reset my personal therapies, sought out a mood disorder specialist and new psychiatrist who took me off snri and put me on ssri due to a seizure some time ago. Also trying propanolol (sp? bp med) instead of anti anxiety because I've have had 2 panic attacks in the last 2 months. I have personal FMLA paperwork ready to go and have also found that NJ employees have access to a program that will offset your unpaid leave.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. I just need to put it out there. This man has been incredibly cool under pressure. He's been my rock. I will do whatever it takes to be there for him.

My only true love (of only 4 years) is grade 4 GBM. This weekend he realizes very well may be his last birthday. He will be 56. He was diagnosed early Jan.

I'm watching his demeanor change, he's more bitter now and that's hard. It literally and truly is the tumor and not him.

The reason this is a BPD and not a caregiving or brain cancer post is because he's being such a dick right now. Please laugh when you can, gallows humor is a good thing.

I need solutions to MY actions and reactions. I cannot express more clearly this is not him, this is the tumor and as a result I will not address him as I would a normal human being...I hope that makes sense.

I think it's because he knows he's going to lose his license, (we had a hiccup yesterday over the matter). I have expressed my concerns with his vision - there is no law in this state that auto takes his license because of a brain tumor ... And honestly when he loses his license I know his quality of life will be gone too. I am sick to my stomach knowing that there are other lives on the road to consider as well.

I'm doing my best to take care of everything, I'm the breadwinner, my 86 y.o. mom lives with me as well. I used to be able to remote work, but thats not an option anymore.

Lots of family history so leaning on them isn't really an option for me.

I've completely reset my personal therapies, sought out a mood disorder specialist and new psychiatrist who took me off snri and put me on ssri due to a seizure some time ago. Also trying propanolol (sp? bp med) instead of anti anxiety because I've have had 2 panic attacks in the last 2 months. I have personal FMLA paperwork ready to go and have also found that NJ employees have access to a program that will offset your unpaid leave.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. I just need to put it out there. This man has been incredibly cool under pressure. He's been my rock. I will do whatever it takes to be there for him.

Just pondering here. My fam is big into D&D and other RPGs ....I've tried but it's never suited me.

My son asked me directly, and my answer was pretty clear. I don't know who I am, I feel like my own life is a script - why would I enjoy manufacturing another identity?

Just wondering if this is a shared experience. Have a great weekend!

Hello dear friends of the group no one wants to be in! My loved one just informed me his house is in foreclosure. I have jumped on top of it, trying to remedy the situation. Hoping to apply for a hardship, act 91 I think?

Then he tells me the insurance he picked up in pennie is worthless. He told me Jefferson, turns out it's united. The health care system we use ( Lehigh valley, PA, USA) just publicly slammed united healthcare, every call to the facility had a recording that they were dropping united healthcare.

Guess what insurance he got?

I appreciate that he's trying to reduce the workload on me, but he needs to understand he's making it way worse.

After venting to the safe sister I took a deep breath and responded to him, we're in this together, we will figure it out.

It is so hard ... You don't choose your battles with this disease, you just have to keep your mouth shut and pray you stay healthy enough to endure.

God I love him so much. Fuck cancer.

So my sisters have a bad relationship with my mom. Mom went into an ALF 2 years ago and was miserable, so I asked if she wanted to live with me.

I had a house under contract and the seller withdrew, so I found another home with a 30k higher price tag. Took a loan on my retirement for the down payment and bought the home.

My mother paid for reconstructing the dining room into a bedroom for her. Then we split the cost of split system AC and this year we split the cost for new windows.

My sister feels Im taking advantage of her. I struggle because I know in an ALF shed be spending more than twice

So how is it fair that I'm the caretaker, I'm completely transparent with her money, yet I'm the asshole.

I feel it necessary to add that my significant other has brain cancer, our entire lives have been upended, I have missed a ton of work and I'm starting to feel like my household setup is a cosmic blessing. My significant other and my mom adore each other.

I'm just tired of her judgement.

Just had a long overdue convo with my sis. She brought up things I did in the past tangentially, I don't deny them. I'm just trying to live with the current version of myself that has to remember I did those things. Nothing unforgivable

I'm trying really hard to separate myself from the memories and as I type this I think I'm finally understanding that the best thing I can do right now is identify what I'm feeling as if it were separate from me. I feel shame and then anger.

There's so much more going on in my life. These things above are non issues comparatively speaking, but the feelings are so strong.

Families are hard.

I just need to vent - how effing stupid is it that my love will die before he's eligible for medicare? I want out.

Hi There, I'm the youngest of 3 sisters L, D, & M (m for me), our mother became unwell 2 years ago and we put her in an assisted living facility - that didn't sit well with me (or her), I asked her if she wanted to live with me, and she's been with me since Dec 2024. I found and bought a home for us and did not take one cent from her for the purchase. I did however ask her to cover the expenses of turning the dining room into a bedroom - it's quite perfect actually as she can get from the bedroom to the kitchen to the bathroom all within about 20 feet but I digress...

I receive monthly rent from her which is less than her monthly SSI, she still has a decent amount in her retirement account of which she takes only the yearly minimum distro. She is an 86 year old lovely woman, but a hoarder who doesn't take care of her personal hygiene. She has also made a few larger sum contributions to the house (splitting the expense) in total, she has contributed about 25K toward necessary improvements - we are talking split systems for AC, replacement windows, and a gas boiler system. The joys of older homes...

Stay with me now ... In January, my S.O. was diagnosed with a gliosarcoma - we went through 6 months of treatment only to find it has not helped - like at all - the prognosis is one year. I haven't given up on him and that's a whole other subreddit

Back to the issue at hand - we are lucky enough to take yearly family vacations together - its been a 20+ year tradition but people have changed - as people do.

While on vacation with the fam, I got word through my S.O. that D was asking about mine and moms finances, I asked L if she was approached as well and she confirmed. Ok, I can see where this is going so I prepare myself - using the family to build a posse to support your position is a script that I'm used to.

Penultimate vacation day; it was L, D, D's husband, and me - I got the question: "How's Mom?" I answered in every fashion except financially, I was going to make her work for it.

Silence, then - how's her money? I told her what she had in the bank and received more questioning as to where money went - that was when I reminded both of them that I had asked for the advice over a year ago about her spending too much on HSN and QVC bullshit - and received no response.

I couldn't have cared less that she asked - its been my policy to be open an transparent with Moms affairs since she moved in with me, the problems I had with her approach were:

a. The accusatory tone of the question "where did x amount go?" (especially since she has had the ability access to the bank ever since mom moved in with me)

b. she approached my S.O. before talking to me? My S.O. - WHO IS DYING from an inoperable brain tumor? My S.O. who feels like shit because he can no longer financially contribute? My S.O. who was forced to move in with me when the surgeries started? My S.O. who has lost nearly all of his independence? That's who you're going to ask about money?????

c. Why are you asking me this now?

d. Trust is a 2 way street and this discussion is showing me that you have no trust in me

I tried to leave it alone. Honest.

But then I had a bad day with the S.O. which led to a severe panic attack and decided it was time to remove people from my life if their only function in it was to be a pain in my ass.

Because here's how I see what D asked me: "Once your S.O. dies you will probably disappear (they're all convinced i'm going to kill myself) and we will be left paying for mom, so I want to know how much money she has"

Am I wrong? I do have a tendency to make mountains out of mole hills but all I ever hear from them are about their many MANY vacations ... their yearly trip to St. Thomas, private yacht rentals, brand new F150 and a (not new) BMW convertible. I hate myself for thinking this but I have to face my truth which is, "Your cup runneth over and you still have the gall look into my bowel and make comments if you think its too full?"

I'm not proud that I tore my sister D a new one and cc'd my other sister and father - but turnabout is fair play and if she was going to use them against me, I wanted them to know my side. I'm also not proud that I did this over text but I am far too unstable to have a verbal argument and her husband is a very good manipulator.

Her response was that she would not do this over text and to call me when I was ready to talk, my response was then I guess we wont be talking because I'm not getting teamed up on again by you and your husband. Immature, probably. But in my life experience, words can kill.

That's it. Not once in the time Mom has lived with me have I received a single ounce of gratitude from either one. Not looking for it, but it would be nice.

I do think I went overboard - I don't know that my family deserved everything that I took out on them - but I had finally broken and spoke about things still affecting us that we dared not speak about before. I kinda just blew up at the whole family and I don't believe there will be any more family vacations. I'm sad about that - but I also kind of feel like we were going to end this yearly thing once dad is gone, I cant keep up the ruse anymore, and Id have more fun (read less emotional hangover) with just my immediate gang.

I have disabled my facebook page because it is just too painful watching D live her best life. I want to be happy for her and support her, but I just cant - this has been building for years, I want to blame my parents for making me feel the need to compare myself to her but lets be real - this is a me problem.

I am not ok with this silence. I miss her - even if the relationship wasn't perfect. Her husband was uber helpful when the cancer diagnosis came - and I feel I owe them something for that support - She changed a lot once she remarried and I've always tried to stay sisterly but she just doesn't seem to care about me anymore - and that's ok, whatever she needs to do to be happy I will never judge her for that.

I wish she would reach out - but I think i set myself up that it will be my fault when she doesn't. I would hope a sister could think - she's dealing with the fact that the love of her life is dying - I'll give her a pass. And maybe that's what she would say if I called her - but I cannot take the chance of venom coming out of her mouth because like I said before, words can kill, I know for a fact my brain is in shock, and it wouldn't take much to push me over the edge again.

Sorry in advance for the discontinuity - I just had a severe panic attack and I need help. My hands have relaxed so I am reaching out because I'm not getting what I need at home.

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I'm a caretaker of a 55 y.o. grade 4 gliosarcoma patient. He's also the love of my life and I've only had 4 short years with him prior to diagnosis. I'm home with him everyday and I can see him lose some aspect of his independence everyday.

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We are a little past the 6 mon diagnosis mark. He just got out of nadir for the second round of chemo. MRI results will be reviewed with us tomorrow. I'm trying to be optimistic but realistic is what I need to save my sanity.

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We recently went on a family vacation and feelings were hurt , typical drama. But when I tried to address certain things like, he made plans to take my car without telling me, he technically shouldn't drove and we only have one car right now and I'm the breadwinner and caretaker ... And POA. And I realize that he's making judgements that aren't completely sound.

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He's convinced he told me his intention, I know he didn't because I have an issue with being left without a car - that convo would have stuck out.

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I am trying so hard to be patient but i could recite incident and the next where he needs a helping hand now - and he's so angry about that - and rightfully so. But I cannot be the person he snaps at. It is too much.

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He has these moments when true fear rises in me and I think, do I really have to enforce the POA, is this tumor (we call it dot, dumb old tumor) affecting different parts of his brain now, it's not a question of if ... But where ... What part of his brain is this gliosarcoma snuffing out as we speak?

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I left on family vacation with my (limited) future life partner. I came back with a stranger, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just hoping my sanity decides to stick around for the ride too.

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Caretakers, when they turn nasty, and the tumor may be playing a part, how do you deal with it? And then how do you help yourself?

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I have a psychiatrist and psychologist I see regularly so that parts already in the bag.

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I've found limited resources in the area, it's just challenging because I commute to work and don't get home until after 6 pm.

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I was born tired and I think I will die tired.