u/AddictedToHO2

I feel like I am all over the place with the FOO. I was wondering if anyone is in the similar boat as me or was at one point and if they had any advice from their personal experiences.

Am I doing anything wrong? I feel super behind compared to my friends that are around my age and in my social circle. Also all of them are dual income now, so I just can't accumulate wealth like them.

I am skipping step 5 because I am not maxing out 401k, but I am doing step 6 & 8. Skipping 7 bc no kid.

About me:

• 28 Male, single, no kids living in Chicago
• Full time W2, Sr. Systems Arch @ a tech startup
• Condo+1 parking spot Owner, 20% down (300k loan 6.375%) purchased April of 2026 (~$79k equity)
• No debt (credit card, car, student loans, or medical) other than mortgage

How my $ is spread:

Account	Amount rounded down to closest k
Checking	$5k
HYSA	$68k (6month emergency, other big expenses)
Roth	$75k (maxed out every year since college)
401k	$94k (currently doing 11% with 3% match)
Brokerage	$17k
HSA	$9k
RSU	$20k ** (company is not public, this hasn't vested)

My monthly expenses are about $5,250 (I can share a breakdown if needed)

My goals for 2027:

1. increase 401k contribution 1-2%
2. max out roth again
3. max out HSA again
4. extra $100-200/month payment toward my principle (1-1.5 extra payment/year)

Big things I want to do

the next 1-2 years:

1. Re-model the bathroom and kitchen and re-carpet my bedroom
2. Travel more especially for a couple world majors and Iron Mans

the next 5-6 years:

1. Get a second property (hopefully with my wife) and rent out this one
2. Get a car (if needed, currently relying on public transportation)
3. Give my parents the 35k of college tuition they paid since my job and loans didn't cover 100%
4. Get married (this is kind of out of my control)

Hello! I am traveling for business to Chongqing and I had a few questions regarding travel to China.

What I have done already:

- Setup AliPay
- SetUp WeChat
- Acquired my multi visit visa + letter of invitation

What I want to know:
- Are there any rules with electronics entering the country?
In terms of electronics: I’m planning on bringing my FujiFilm XT30 (with minor accessories + extra batteries), work laptop, my personal and work phone, Garmin watch, and headphones.

- I am training for a world major marathon, where can I run outdoors in Chongqing? Any public tracks I can do speed workouts on?

- will my Spotify be able to stream music or would I need to download songs locally?

- best alternative to Google maps?

- any must have apps (other than the ones i mentioned)

- any rules that most visitors trip up on (social or actual laws?)

- any other advice/basic questions I’m missing please let me know

Thanks!

Chicago; been a citizen for 12+ years; applied and paid over 2 weeks ago and still pending review. No criminal background personally or in my family. How the heck do people get cleared for an interview within a week 😂

I was banned late March of 2025 because I led someone on and ended things out of the blue. Didn’t unmatch them and 2 days later I was banned (I’m 99% sure that was the cause also my ban appeal didn’t go through). What I did was wrong but didn’t deserve a ban. The account was face verified.

It’s now mid 2026, after a couple failed attempts at relationships from Bumble I want to start dating again soon. I have a new phone, new number and pictures. My only concern is that the account was face verified and i would like to verify my account because from my experience with bumble it adds another “green flag”.

Based on hinges own support page: “If your account is banned for safety violations, Hinge retains verification data, audit images, and results for up to 2 years to enforce the ban.”

Wondering if I were to make an account when I’m ready to date again let’s in a couple of months (before the 2 year mark) and re-verify I’d have any issues.

Wondering if anyone has done this / their experience.

Little less than two weeks ago, my now ex who is an anxious avoidant decided to end our relationship out of blue after we had dinner. For the last month of the relationship she was very distant and I figured it was because of her rotation in her residency which required about 80 hour weeks. Come to find out she has been considering ending our relationship that last month.

Her excuse excuses didn’t and still don’t make much sense. I had a long week and I didn’t enjoy a concert that mattered to her a lot. I don’t have the same music taste as her. And her final excuse was that she feels like her career, friendships, physical health, and our relationship are all falling behind. And she’s willing to sacrifice our relationship to catch up on the other ones. Coincidentally exactly a month before our breakup was when I told her I loved her.

I think what threw me off. The most was that she was reciprocating when it came to showing up and being present during the first four months of our relationship. She sacrificed her time and sleep and so did I to spend time together. I also have a very demanding career not as demanding is hers, but still.

Regardless, it seemed like she had made up her mind coming over that night, it wasn’t easy for her to end the relationship. She was crying too.

She told me that I did nothing wrong and I couldn’t have been a better partner. That she appreciated me being patient with her, listening to her and being supportive, and being respectful in every possible way. Not sure if I believe any of it because it just doesn’t make sense. If I was such a good partner, how can you not feel a connection and want to maintain it? Why do you need to sacrifice something that we were building together?

I don’t feel angry, but I feel sad and a bit disappointed. I am struggling to forgive her for the pain she brought me. I am unable to wish her the best at this time. I don’t know when I will be able to move on and risk making myself vulnerable again. For anyone else experiencing this or for anyone that has, I am truly sorry. You deserve to be loved and you deserve better. It’s easy to demonize an avoidant person, but it’s something they struggle with. They want to love, but their trauma inhibits them from getting close to people. The relationship ending has most likely nothing to do with you and it’s all of them. Don’t let this relationship ending, define who you are as a partner and as a person.

and thank you t for proving that I can love and can be loved and showing me what I deserve and what I shouldn’t put up with ever again. it was nice while it lasted.

Me 28M, Senior Engineer in tech, her 27F Emergency Medicine Resident finishing intern year.

We have been dating since mid February and have been exclusive since mid March. We are both dating intentionally.

Recently she has told me that I am overwhelming her with the following:

1. Sending "good morning/night texts, and 1-2 texts during the day checking in or wishing her good luck on her shift. On a regular day before this conversation we were exchanging 4-5 texts each and talking on the phone 1-2/week. She actually asked her friends about this and they told her what I am doing is completely normal, but she still doesn't accept it.
2. Seeing each other too often. I understand she has a more demanding schedule than me, but we see each other 1-2/week. She wants even less time than that. fyi: We live ~3-4 miles away from each other in a major city and with public transport its a ~20min commute
3. I am showing too much love? I have written her 1 poem, bought her 1 small bouquet of flowers, and dropped off food a couple times after long shifts. all spaced out in span of 4 months. Not expecting anything in return.
4. Having a picture of us as my phone background. She told me she feels weird about it.
5. She doesn't want me to participate in her hobbies.
6. My way of support isn't supporting her. She said she understands my checking in, or volunteering to help her with tasks and errands is a way of trying to support her, but she needs time for herself. (is this her being hyper independent / avoidant?)

What have I done:

1. I have reduced my texts to 1 daily update about what I've done and how I am feeling. No asking her about hers or anything. Unless she wants to volunteer that info herself.
2. Right now she is on a trauma schedule (working 28hrs every 3 days), I understand this is draining and I am not demanding more of her time. However, I have needs too, after she's back to a more regular schedule I will ask her if its possible to continue seeing each other 2 times a week (3 if we both have the bandwidth). And I am totally ok if some of those times we are with my friends or hers, but still would like once a week just us.
3. Honestly less work for me, but I have so much feelings for her, I don't know how to not show it... For now I am writing the poems and keeping them to myself.
4. Really liked when my phone lit up and I saw her smile next to me, but removed it.
5. She plays soccer and goes to music festivals. I love soccer, but she asked me not to join because it her time with her friends which I respect, only thing is she has asked my friends to join because they are short players.... And with music festivals I am going to one later in the Summer and going to some sets together, but also allowing her to be alone/with friends so she can enjoy both aspects of it. And we workout by ourselves as a "me-time"
6. I am giving her space, not chasing. But it is really hard for me to do this long term, I feel so distant from her, and something I want to talk to her about after this crazy rotation where she is more grounded.

How can we make this work?

What can I do? (I am starting therapy as soon as my new insurance is figured out)

What does she need to do and how much of it is my place to guide her to do those things?

I love her and haven't felt like this with anyone before. I want us to make it work.

Please give me any advice or share your experience.

I appreciate it.

edit1: formatting