u/Additional-Pain5507

I post here a lot since I lost my girl on the 10th of July this year. I feel like this community is the only place I can really be seen and heard and I want to thank every single one of you here . For the comments under my posts ,for the advice, for your own posts that make me feel that I'm not alone .

I feel that my life is ruined and that I got depression after she passed. I've been dealing with a very serious health issue my mom has, during the last 6 years. I became a mother 4 years ago. I moved to another country nearly 3 years ago and started over. I've been dealing with many ups and downs but when she was there,I managed to keep a little bit of my sanity. Only because she existed. Now that shes gone ,I feel like I lost everything. My spark ,my motivation, my will to live. I dont want to socialize, I feel trapped in my life ,I'm just exhausted and sad. I feel that everything is falling apart. My marriage, my mental health,my body. I don't know if you've experienced this feeling after losing your babies and if it's an expected circumstance following such an enormous amount of grief but it terrifies me. I've been losing myself slowly over the last years as I'm trying to care for so many people but after her passing ,it seems like I lost myself for good .

Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to get these feelings out .

Im 19 months post primary rhinoplasty. I'm fine with my bridge but I find my tip bulky and uneven. I got a kenalog injection 1.5 months ago and my swelling was showing progress but now I think it's back to where it was. So im considering a revision. I dont know if anyone here had only their tip revised and can give me any insights. Im located in Europe as well so if you have any recommendations, would be much appreciated. I'm currently looking into Priit Kasenomm ,as I find his results immaculate.

TIA!

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I lost her. 2 weeks that seemed like years. I'm lost without her. Today it's my dad's birthday. I live abroad with my family during the last 2.5 years so my husband found a video of us celebrating my dad's birthday 2 years ago. And there she was. Barking while we were singing happy birthday . It literally broke me. Any progress I managed to make during these days Is gone. I got so mad. I know he meant well and he didn't even watch the whole video before sending it to me but I got so mad . She was there ,alive and well and now she's gone. I won't see her face again or listen to her voice. I feel so empty. The other day I had a panic attack while I was driving because I was thinking she wont be home . It's so tough . She took a huge part of me with her . I miss her.

Tomorrow marks one week since I lost my baby. I'm getting her ashes back tomorrow. I dont know how im going to react. All of these days ,I'm in a weird state. Like she's somewhere and she'll come back home to me. Tomorrow will be final,she'll be gone forever and I will have to accept it. I feel like I don't have any purpose in my life, nothing to look out for and we're getting ready to move into our first house. And I dont give a single f about it. I cant enjoy a single second. I just miss her so bad. I cant say her name without tearing up. Im crying in the car,at work ,everywhere. And then I go to bed and when I wake up im so eager and happy to run downstairs to her until reality hits me hard and remember that shes not there anymore.

Nearly 7 days that feel like an eternity without her.

My baby crossed the rainbow bridge today at 4.44am . She fought for 3 weeks after her CKD diagnosis. Stayed strong until last minute. Over these days, I wished a million times for her to go peacefully in her sleep and thats what she did. She only refused food yesterday and I knew . She had her last walk in the garden and then we sat outside ,cuddling and I knew it was time. She waited for my husband to come back from work to say her goodbye. And then she went to a deep sleep in her bed on my lap. I stayed up all night,holding her paw and kissing her and after 3.5 serene hours, she left. Peacefully and with dignity. Like with everything she did for the nearly 16 years we were together. I dont know if there's an afterlife but I wish that I'll be able to see her one day without having to say goodbye again.

My heart is in a million pieces and my house will never be full again without her. The pain seems unbearable at the moment,like my heart has been ripped off my chest.

Bad luck

So long story short. I'm not a religious person. If I believe in something, I can say it's mostly energy. During the last 5 years ,I truly believe that im cursed. All the major milestones that I managed to achieve in my life have been shortly followed by awful events. To give you the context:

•Had a miscarriage. I was deeply upset by it but not even 2 months after ,I found that I was pregnant with my rainbow baby. 4 months into the pregnancy, a person close to me committed suicide. A month after that ,my mom got diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. Didn't enjoy a single minute of my pregnancy, can only remember it as the darkest time of my life.

• A year after,we decided to move abroad in order to chase a better life for our family. When we got settled,my mom had a metastasis and my grandma died.

•9 months after,went on holidays for the 1st time in nearly 4 years. Another metastasis.

• Fast forward to now,after being abroad for 2.5 years with hard work and savings ,we managed to buy our own house.something quite difficult in the country that im at. We're about to move in. My soul dog of nearly 16 years gets diagnosed with end stage kidney disease and vets are giving us weeks . I'm devastated. Other small things are happening as well,for example flat battery twice in 3 weeks,workers are canceling last minute or have accidents and delay all the progress of the house.

Its like I cant get a break and actually enjoy something good thats happening to me. I came to the point that im afraid to have good things coming my way because I'm terrified of what's going to follow.

To some people it may seem that im overreacting but it's like somebody cursed me not to enjoy anything anymore.

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Just found that my 15.5 yo yorkie has CKD stage 2(and maybe going on 3) . She lost a lot of weight within the last 4 months and now weighs 900g( max weight she has ever been was 1.5k ,always tiny). Shes currently in the clinic with iv fluids for an episode of diarrhea but doing better and getting discharged today.im looking for the best renal food for her. Im located in Ireland if thats of any help.

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And any tips or advices are more than welcome! I'm really torn at the moment as she's much more than my soul dog and I want to do the best for my girl.

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Thank you!