I feel so stuck.
I genuinely need outside perspectives because I feel like I’m losing my grip on what is normal anymore.
I'm a woman with two young children from a previous relationship. I’m currently pregnant with my partner’s baby. We recently bought a house together, but I paid the deposit and most of the costs. He refuses to sign a deed of trust acknowledging this. Our relationship has become increasingly volatile over the last few months and I feel emotionally exhausted and numb.
This week things escalated badly and ended with police involvement. I want honest opinions because I know my own behaviour also became unacceptable during the situation.
Earlier in the week, I took my child to a hospital appointment with my ex because it involved our child together. The appointment overran and I ended up being about an hour late picking my partner up from work. He became very angry and accused me of prioritising my ex over him and having “no boundaries”.
The next morning there was tension from the start. No affection, no communication, just hostility. He asked for a lift later that morning and I was cold and dismissive because I was still angry from the night before. Things escalated verbally while we were trying to leave for the school run. I repeatedly asked him to leave me alone and stop arguing in front of the children. He kept pushing for reassurance and following me around. At one point he took my keys after I slammed the door in his face during the argument. As he refused to return my keys I forcefully took them back and in the process ripped his dressing gown pocket and pushed his head against a windowsill.
I was going to pick him up and circle back after dropping the kids off, I needed to be away from him. However he got in the car against my wishes because he claimed he didn't trust me to come back.
The car journey became extremely hostile. There was shouting from both sides. I said horrible things including that I hated him and didn’t want to be with him anymore. He tells me that apparently I hit him, though I do not remember doing that.
After dropping my older child off at school, I stood outside of the car to try and calm down. Instead of waiting, he shouted oit the window "are you coming back in or what" there was still 20 minutes to drive to his appointment and it was only 5 minutes away. Instead of waiting and giving me time, he moved into the driver’s seat, with my little one still in the car, so I quickly jumped back in. He drove us back home instead of to his appointment. I panicked because I felt trapped and repeatedly asked him to pull over. He refused. I threatened to jump out of the car but my toddler was inside. Eventually I grabbed the steering wheel and forced the car to stop at the side of the road. I got my toddler out and he drove away, shouting that I was crazy and needed therapy.
Later that day things escalated again at home over keys. He had hidden a house key after earlier denying he had it. I took his keys in return. This turned into another physical struggle in front of my toddler. He followed me around the house demanding his keys back. In return he took my phone. There was pushing from both of us. I hit him at one point and knocked his glasses off. During the struggle I ended up with a bleeding nose after being hit by his elbow while he swung around. My toddler was distressed and crying through all of this.
I repeatedly tried to leave the house to calm down. He blocked exits multiple times and physically tried to stop me leaving while demanding his keys back. I became hysterical and panicked because I felt trapped and unable to get away from the argument. Eventually I grabbed his phone and tried to call emergency services during another struggle. I then managed to get outside carrying my toddler, he followed us out and tried to get us back inside. I was screaming and crying in the street.
Neighbours came outside. Police later attended after the emergency call. They separated us and took statements.
Since then, my partner has admitted he handled things badly and says he takes some responsibility for the escalation. However, I still feel like most conversations end with him blaming me for “triggering” him or causing the arguments in the first place. He believes it is normal and healthy for partners to act as emotional outlets for each other, whereas I increasingly feel emotionally unsafe and exhausted.
I know my own behaviour in this situation was also unacceptable. I shouted, became physical, grabbed the wheel, and escalated things too. I am not trying to paint myself as innocent. But I also feel like I have spent months trying to leave arguments, calm things down, or get space, only for him to continue following me, blocking exits, provoking conversations, or refusing to let things go.
The predicament I’m in now is this:
* I’m pregnant.
* We own a house together.
* I financially supported a lot of this relationship.
* I have very little support network.
* I’m terrified of ending up trapped financially and emotionally.
* I no longer know whether this relationship is salvageable or whether we are both becoming toxic together.
I feel numb, he has repeatedly tried to argue my points, puts all responsibility on me to fix this and then keeps asking for favours and says I need to show him my love. I know he is deeply hurt too, I just can't right now and I need him to initiate the repair.
I just need honest outside opinions on what this situation actually looks like from the outside.