u/Adorable_Initial_140

Hey everyone,

I am looking for an outside perspective because, after an almost six-year relationship, I barely trust my own perception anymore.

I met my ex at the end of 2019 through a friend at university. She was still in a relationship at the time, but quickly told me how unhappy she was, how awful her boyfriend at the time was, and how problematic her family was. Later, she told me about a very troubled childhood. Destructive/violent father, mentally ill mother, a lot of neglect. I felt very sorry for her. She seemed strong, mature, vulnerable, and very interested in me.

Shortly after she broke up with her boyfriend at the time, I suddenly became her closest attachment figure. Looking back, it happened extremely quickly. She gave me a lot of attention, showed interest in my interests, and we had a lot of sex in the beginning. Very quickly, she spent almost every night at my place without us ever having talked about it. It felt as if she had simply moved in with me without asking. At the time, I did find it somewhat strange, but the connection felt so special that I thought we were soulmates.

Early on, I noticed that she turned many things into major drama and almost always saw herself as the victim of other people. Problems with roommates, surgeries, criticism at work, conflicts with others. Because I felt so connected to her, I accepted it and supported her.

After about six months, physical closeness abruptly decreased. Not only sex, but also kissing and cuddling became significantly less frequent. When I asked what the reason was, she usually said she did not know. Later, we moved in together because I naively hoped that this would bring us closer again.

In our first shared apartment, physical intimacy became almost entirely a problem. She made various suggestions. First, I was not supposed to approach her at all anymore because otherwise she would feel pressured; she said she would come to me on her own. Nothing happened for months. Then I was supposed to communicate my needs directly. So I did that several times a week and was rejected almost every time. There were always new reasons: no desire, pressure, body, pain, she did not know, maybe asexuality.

Over the last five years, we had sex about four to six times per year. At the same time, she repeatedly promised me that it would get better, but did not keep those promises. I increasingly felt ugly, unwanted, inferior, and unlovable. When I explained my feelings, it usually ended in hours-long arguments, at the end of which I apologized to her. I had the feeling that the lack of closeness was not the problem, but rather my reaction to it.

I tried to become “better.” More housework, cooking, supporting her with her problems, almost all of my free time spent on her interests. I increasingly made her the center of my life. In our second shared apartment, I estimate that I did 90 percent of the household chores. When I brought this up, I was often told that I was stressful or controlling.

Our time together was also usually based on her preferences. My interests were often rejected. If she did agree, for example to watch something that interested me, she was usually on her phone immediately. When I brought this up, I was again accused of being controlling.

During this time, she also received a lipedema diagnosis. I took it very seriously and had compassion. She cried almost daily because of pain, complained about her legs when we went for walks, and the lack of sex was increasingly explained by that as well. I even changed my diet to support her. At the same time, our everyday life revolved more and more around her pain, problems, and needs.

My behavior toward her became worse over time. I became angry, insulting, and emotionally dysregulated. In arguments, I sometimes used her deepest insecurities against her. I am not proud of that. I am currently in therapy and want to work through my part. At the same time, I have the feeling that my worst reactions developed after years in which I felt sexually and emotionally rejected, shamed, and increasingly broken.

Toward the end, she went to a day clinic because of depression. About seven weeks ago, I said several times that I wanted to break up because I could not do it anymore. After that, we wrote farewell texts to each other. Her text was very warm. She wrote that I was a good person, that she never wanted to lose me as a person, that she would always be reachable, and that maybe we could date again someday. That meant a lot to me.

Shortly afterward, everything completely flipped.

We had set rules for continuing to live together: only organizational conversations, each person does their own thing. She also wanted me not to tell my best friend anything alone, because he is also friends with her. Then she lost her job, reacted extremely to it, and I supported her again. In addition, she said several times that her life no longer had any meaning and that she would kill herself. Because of that, I was very afraid for her and asked more often where she was or whether everything was okay. She was annoyed by this and said I could not follow simple rules.

One day, she came to the apartment to get some things because she no longer wanted to sleep there. Because of the suicide threats and the whole situation, I was completely overwhelmed and desperately asked her to talk to me. She packed without saying a word. In my desperation, I briefly held onto her backpack and later stood crying in front of the door because I wanted a conversation. That was wrong. She immediately called the police, and I cleared the doorway right away. Later, officers came because of an alleged deprivation of liberty. After both sides described the situation, the officers said it did not sound like that and left again.

The next day, she came to the apartment with a male coworker, who almost seemed like a bodyguard. After six years, it suddenly felt as if I was being treated like a danger.

A few days later, there was one final meeting in a public place. She insisted that both of us bring someone along. She brought her best friend. They arrived late, only greeted the person accompanying me, and immediately presented me with documents. Rental agreement, household items, compensation payment. I was put under massive pressure to sign immediately. When I said that I wanted to review the documents first, I was insulted. After that, I was berated for several minutes and repeatedly called a narcissist. Since then, I have been doubting myself extremely and wondering whether I really was the sole toxic party.

When I got home, I realized that the meeting had apparently also served to buy time. During that time, third parties had emptied the apartment and picked up her things. Some gifts she had given me were destroyed or taken. Everything I had ever given her was left behind. The apartment was devastated, and my belongings were scattered around as well. There were also strange little “Easter eggs,” such as an old newspaper page with “Do It For The Plot” written on it in pink ink.

After that, she blocked me everywhere, even on LinkedIn. I have the impression that third parties are being told that I am dangerous and that she needs to be protected from me. This weighs on me enormously because I do not see myself as a dangerous person.

Since the breakup, more and more situations have been coming back to me. She could barely tolerate criticism, was often jealous or turned things into a competition between us — university grades, salary, appearance — once threatened self-harm during an argument and then actually cut deeply into her hand. She refused couples therapy for years. She sometimes made contradictory claims about her ex and her sexuality. After one of the breakup conversations a few weeks ago, she suddenly asked me with a completely empty stare whether we wanted to have sex now, after we had not been intimate for months. Shortly after the breakup, she also proudly talked about an advanced stepper class with a former male coworker, even though for years her leg pain had been a main reason against physical closeness and sex. Also, for years I could hardly do anything alone with my best friend without her subtly making me feel guilty, while at the same time she insisted on having her own freedom.

Now, about ten weeks after the breakup, I found out indirectly that she is on Bumble and looking for something “casual.” After 5.5 years of barely any sex with me, this makes me feel humiliated, worthless, and disgusting.

I know that I made mistakes. I was hurtful, angry, and reacted badly. But at the same time, I feel that I was emotionally and sexually worn down for years and, in the end, portrayed as the only dangerous/problematic party.

How can I best deal with this, how can I regain my self-worth, and (carefully asked) does any of her behavior sound narcissistic to you?

Hey everyone,

I am looking for an outside perspective because, after an almost six-year relationship, I barely trust my own perception anymore.

I met my ex at the end of 2019 through a friend at university. She was still in a relationship at the time, but quickly told me how unhappy she was, how awful her boyfriend at the time was, and how problematic her family was. Later, she told me about a very troubled childhood. Destructive/violent father, mentally ill mother, a lot of neglect. I felt very sorry for her. She seemed strong, mature, vulnerable, and very interested in me.

Shortly after she broke up with her boyfriend at the time, I suddenly became her closest attachment figure. Looking back, it happened extremely quickly. She gave me a lot of attention, showed interest in my interests, and we had a lot of sex in the beginning. Very quickly, she spent almost every night at my place without us ever having talked about it. It felt as if she had simply moved in with me without asking. At the time, I did find it somewhat strange, but the connection felt so special that I thought we were soulmates.

Early on, I noticed that she turned many things into major drama and almost always saw herself as the victim of other people. Problems with roommates, surgeries, criticism at work, conflicts with others. Because I felt so connected to her, I accepted it and supported her.

After about six months, physical closeness abruptly decreased. Not only sex, but also kissing and cuddling became significantly less frequent. When I asked what the reason was, she usually said she did not know. Later, we moved in together because I naively hoped that this would bring us closer again.

In our first shared apartment, physical intimacy became almost entirely a problem. She made various suggestions. First, I was not supposed to approach her at all anymore because otherwise she would feel pressured; she said she would come to me on her own. Nothing happened for months. Then I was supposed to communicate my needs directly. So I did that several times a week and was rejected almost every time. There were always new reasons: no desire, pressure, body, pain, she did not know, maybe asexuality.

Over the last five years, we had sex about four to six times per year. At the same time, she repeatedly promised me that it would get better, but did not keep those promises. I increasingly felt ugly, unwanted, inferior, and unlovable. When I explained my feelings, it usually ended in hours-long arguments, at the end of which I apologized to her. I had the feeling that the lack of closeness was not the problem, but rather my reaction to it.

I tried to become “better.” More housework, cooking, supporting her with her problems, almost all of my free time spent on her interests. I increasingly made her the center of my life. In our second shared apartment, I estimate that I did 90 percent of the household chores. When I brought this up, I was often told that I was stressful or controlling.

Our time together was also usually based on her preferences. My interests were often rejected. If she did agree, for example to watch something that interested me, she was usually on her phone immediately. When I brought this up, I was again accused of being controlling.

During this time, she also received a lipedema diagnosis. I took it very seriously and had compassion. She cried almost daily because of pain, complained about her legs when we went for walks, and the lack of sex was increasingly explained by that as well. I even changed my diet to support her. At the same time, our everyday life revolved more and more around her pain, problems, and needs.

My behavior toward her became worse over time. I became angry, insulting, and emotionally dysregulated. In arguments, I sometimes used her deepest insecurities against her. I am not proud of that. I am currently in therapy and want to work through my part. At the same time, I have the feeling that my worst reactions developed after years in which I felt sexually and emotionally rejected, shamed, and increasingly broken.

Toward the end, she went to a day clinic because of depression. About seven weeks ago, I said several times that I wanted to break up because I could not do it anymore. After that, we wrote farewell texts to each other. Her text was very warm. She wrote that I was a good person, that she never wanted to lose me as a person, that she would always be reachable, and that maybe we could date again someday. That meant a lot to me.

Shortly afterward, everything completely flipped.

We had set rules for continuing to live together: only organizational conversations, each person does their own thing. She also wanted me not to tell my best friend anything alone, because he is also friends with her. Then she lost her job, reacted extremely to it, and I supported her again. In addition, she said several times that her life no longer had any meaning and that she would kill herself. Because of that, I was very afraid for her and asked more often where she was or whether everything was okay. She was annoyed by this and said I could not follow simple rules.

One day, she came to the apartment to get some things because she no longer wanted to sleep there. Because of the suicide threats and the whole situation, I was completely overwhelmed and desperately asked her to talk to me. She packed without saying a word. In my desperation, I briefly held onto her backpack and later stood crying in front of the door because I wanted a conversation. That was wrong. She immediately called the police, and I cleared the doorway right away. Later, officers came because of an alleged deprivation of liberty. After both sides described the situation, the officers said it did not sound like that and left again.

The next day, she came to the apartment with a male coworker, who almost seemed like a bodyguard. After six years, it suddenly felt as if I was being treated like a danger.

A few days later, there was one final meeting in a public place. She insisted that both of us bring someone along. She brought her best friend. They arrived late, only greeted the person accompanying me, and immediately presented me with documents. Rental agreement, household items, compensation payment. I was put under massive pressure to sign immediately. When I said that I wanted to review the documents first, I was insulted. After that, I was berated for several minutes and repeatedly called a narcissist. Since then, I have been doubting myself extremely and wondering whether I really was the sole toxic party.

When I got home, I realized that the meeting had apparently also served to buy time. During that time, third parties had emptied the apartment and picked up her things. Some gifts she had given me were destroyed or taken. Everything I had ever given her was left behind. The apartment was devastated, and my belongings were scattered around as well. There were also strange little “Easter eggs,” such as an old newspaper page with “Do It For The Plot” written on it in pink ink.

After that, she blocked me everywhere, even on LinkedIn. I have the impression that third parties are being told that I am dangerous and that she needs to be protected from me. This weighs on me enormously because I do not see myself as a dangerous person.

Since the breakup, more and more situations have been coming back to me. She could barely tolerate criticism, was often jealous or turned things into a competition between us — university grades, salary, appearance — once threatened self-harm during an argument and then actually cut deeply into her hand. She refused couples therapy for years. She sometimes made contradictory claims about her ex and her sexuality. After one of the breakup conversations a few weeks ago, she suddenly asked me with a completely empty stare whether we wanted to have sex now, after we had not been intimate for months. Shortly after the breakup, she also proudly talked about an advanced stepper class with a former male coworker, even though for years her leg pain had been a main reason against physical closeness and sex. Also, for years I could hardly do anything alone with my best friend without her subtly making me feel guilty, while at the same time she insisted on having her own freedom.

Now, about ten weeks after the breakup, I found out indirectly that she is on Bumble and looking for something “casual.” After 5.5 years of barely any sex with me, this makes me feel humiliated, worthless, and disgusting.

I know that I made mistakes. I was hurtful, angry, and reacted badly. But at the same time, I feel that I was emotionally and sexually worn down for years and, in the end, portrayed as the only dangerous/problematic party.

How can I best deal with this, how can I regain my self-worth, and (carefully asked) does any of her behavior sound narcissistic to you?

Hey everyone,

I am looking for an outside perspective because, after an almost six-year relationship, I barely trust my own perception anymore.

I met my ex at the end of 2019 through a friend at university. She was still in a relationship at the time, but quickly told me how unhappy she was, how awful her boyfriend at the time was, and how problematic her family was. Later, she told me about a very troubled childhood. Destructive/violent father, mentally ill mother, a lot of neglect. I felt very sorry for her. She seemed strong, mature, vulnerable, and very interested in me.

Shortly after she broke up with her boyfriend at the time, I suddenly became her closest attachment figure. Looking back, it happened extremely quickly. She gave me a lot of attention, showed interest in my interests, and we had a lot of sex in the beginning. Very quickly, she spent almost every night at my place without us ever having talked about it. It felt as if she had simply moved in with me without asking. At the time, I did find it somewhat strange, but the connection felt so special that I thought we were soulmates.

Early on, I noticed that she turned many things into major drama and almost always saw herself as the victim of other people. Problems with roommates, surgeries, criticism at work, conflicts with others. Because I felt so connected to her, I accepted it and supported her.

After about six months, physical closeness abruptly decreased. Not only sex, but also kissing and cuddling became significantly less frequent. When I asked what the reason was, she usually said she did not know. Later, we moved in together because I naively hoped that this would bring us closer again.

In our first shared apartment, physical intimacy became almost entirely a problem. She made various suggestions. First, I was not supposed to approach her at all anymore because otherwise she would feel pressured; she said she would come to me on her own. Nothing happened for months. Then I was supposed to communicate my needs directly. So I did that several times a week and was rejected almost every time. There were always new reasons: no desire, pressure, body, pain, she did not know, maybe asexuality.

Over the last five years, we had sex about four to six times per year. At the same time, she repeatedly promised me that it would get better, but did not keep those promises. I increasingly felt ugly, unwanted, inferior, and unlovable. When I explained my feelings, it usually ended in hours-long arguments, at the end of which I apologized to her. I had the feeling that the lack of closeness was not the problem, but rather my reaction to it.

I tried to become “better.” More housework, cooking, supporting her with her problems, almost all of my free time spent on her interests. I increasingly made her the center of my life. In our second shared apartment, I estimate that I did 90 percent of the household chores. When I brought this up, I was often told that I was stressful or controlling.

Our time together was also usually based on her preferences. My interests were often rejected. If she did agree, for example to watch something that interested me, she was usually on her phone immediately. When I brought this up, I was again accused of being controlling.

During this time, she also received a lipedema diagnosis. I took it very seriously and had compassion. She cried almost daily because of pain, complained about her legs when we went for walks, and the lack of sex was increasingly explained by that as well. I even changed my diet to support her. At the same time, our everyday life revolved more and more around her pain, problems, and needs.

My behavior toward her became worse over time. I became angry, insulting, and emotionally dysregulated. In arguments, I sometimes used her deepest insecurities against her. I am not proud of that. I am currently in therapy and want to work through my part. At the same time, I have the feeling that my worst reactions developed after years in which I felt sexually and emotionally rejected, shamed, and increasingly broken.

Toward the end, she went to a day clinic because of depression. About seven weeks ago, I said several times that I wanted to break up because I could not do it anymore. After that, we wrote farewell texts to each other. Her text was very warm. She wrote that I was a good person, that she never wanted to lose me as a person, that she would always be reachable, and that maybe we could date again someday. That meant a lot to me.

Shortly afterward, everything completely flipped.

We had set rules for continuing to live together: only organizational conversations, each person does their own thing. She also wanted me not to tell my best friend anything alone, because he is also friends with her. Then she lost her job, reacted extremely to it, and I supported her again. In addition, she said several times that her life no longer had any meaning and that she would kill herself. Because of that, I was very afraid for her and asked more often where she was or whether everything was okay. She was annoyed by this and said I could not follow simple rules.

One day, she came to the apartment to get some things because she no longer wanted to sleep there. Because of the suicide threats and the whole situation, I was completely overwhelmed and desperately asked her to talk to me. She packed without saying a word. In my desperation, I briefly held onto her backpack and later stood crying in front of the door because I wanted a conversation. That was wrong. She immediately called the police, and I cleared the doorway right away. Later, officers came because of an alleged deprivation of liberty. After both sides described the situation, the officers said it did not sound like that and left again.

The next day, she came to the apartment with a male coworker, who almost seemed like a bodyguard. After six years, it suddenly felt as if I was being treated like a danger.

A few days later, there was one final meeting in a public place. She insisted that both of us bring someone along. She brought her best friend. They arrived late, only greeted the person accompanying me, and immediately presented me with documents. Rental agreement, household items, compensation payment. I was put under massive pressure to sign immediately. When I said that I wanted to review the documents first, I was insulted. After that, I was berated for several minutes and repeatedly called a narcissist. Since then, I have been doubting myself extremely and wondering whether I really was the sole toxic party.

When I got home, I realized that the meeting had apparently also served to buy time. During that time, third parties had emptied the apartment and picked up her things. Some gifts she had given me were destroyed or taken. Everything I had ever given her was left behind. The apartment was devastated, and my belongings were scattered around as well. There were also strange little “Easter eggs,” such as an old newspaper page with “Do It For The Plot” written on it in pink ink.

After that, she blocked me everywhere, even on LinkedIn. I have the impression that third parties are being told that I am dangerous and that she needs to be protected from me. This weighs on me enormously because I do not see myself as a dangerous person.

Since the breakup, more and more situations have been coming back to me. She could barely tolerate criticism, was often jealous or turned things into a competition between us — university grades, salary, appearance — once threatened self-harm during an argument and then actually cut deeply into her hand. She refused couples therapy for years. She sometimes made contradictory claims about her ex and her sexuality. After one of the breakup conversations a few weeks ago, she suddenly asked me with a completely empty stare whether we wanted to have sex now, after we had not been intimate for months. Shortly after the breakup, she also proudly talked about an advanced stepper class with a former male coworker, even though for years her leg pain had been a main reason against physical closeness and sex. Also, for years I could hardly do anything alone with my best friend without her subtly making me feel guilty, while at the same time she insisted on having her own freedom.

Now, about ten weeks after the breakup, I found out indirectly that she is on Bumble and looking for something “casual.” After 5.5 years of barely any sex with me, this makes me feel humiliated, worthless, and disgusting.

I know that I made mistakes. I was hurtful, angry, and reacted badly. But at the same time, I feel that I was emotionally and sexually worn down for years and, in the end, portrayed as the only dangerous/problematic party.

How can I best deal with this, how can I regain my self-worth, and (carefully asked) does any of her behavior sound narcissistic to you?

Hey zusammen,

ich suche mal eine Einschätzung von außen, weil ich das Gefühl habe, mich gedanklich im Kreis zu drehen.

Meine Ex-Freundin und ich waren fast sechs Jahre zusammen. Am Anfang wurde alles sehr schnell sehr intensiv. Sie ist praktisch direkt in meine WG bzw. mein Leben eingezogen. Die Beziehung fühlte sich anfangs sehr nah, süß und besonders an. Wir hatten unsere eigene kleine Welt, Insider, Rituale, und ich habe mir wirklich eine Zukunft mit ihr vorgestellt.

Sie hatte eine schwierige Kindheit mit viel Instabilität, Angst und Trauma. Ihr Vater war offenbar sehr destruktiv, und sie hatte große Probleme mit Scham, Unsicherheit und ihrem Körperbild. Leider hat sie das trotz meinem Rat nie therapeutisch aufarbeiten wollen. Ich habe immer versucht, verständnisvoll und unterstützend zu sein.

Sex und körperliche Nähe waren am Anfang vorhanden und kamen auch von ihr aus, aber über die Zeit wurde Sexualität ein riesiges Problem. Über den Großteil der Beziehung wollte sie kaum Sex oder körperliche Nähe. Sie sagte oft, sie hasse ihren Körper, fühle sich hässlich, schäme sich, habe keine Lust, fühle sich unter Druck, sei vielleicht asexuell oder wisse selbst nicht, warum sie nicht intim sein könne. Teilweise wollte sie ihren Körper nicht zeigen und wirkte beim Sex mental abwesend.

Ich habe jahrelang versucht, geduldig zu sein und ihr Sicherheit zu geben. Ich habe ihr unzählige Male gesagt, dass ich sie attraktiv und schön finde. Aber über die Jahre habe ich mich immer unerwünschter, unattraktiver, sexuell abgelehnt und beschämt gefühlt. Wenn ich angesprochen habe, wie sehr mich das verletzt, wurde es oft so gedreht, dass ich das Problem sei. Ich würde Druck machen, meine Bedürfnisse seien zu viel, oder mein Schmerz wurde etwas, wogegen sie sich verteidigen musste.

Ich habe Paartherapie vorgeschlagen, aber sie hat das abgelehnt und als unnötig bzw. Geldverschwendung bezeichnet.

Ich war selbst nicht perfekt. Über die Jahre wurde ich wütend, verletzt und emotional dysreguliert. In Streits haben wir beide geschrien und uns beleidigt. Ich habe verletzende Dinge gesagt und meine Grenzen schlecht gesetzt bzw. nicht konsequent eingehalten. Ich bin deswegen derzeit in Therapie und möchte meinen Anteil aufarbeiten. Gleichzeitig habe ich aber das Gefühl, dass meine Reaktionen auch nach Jahren entstanden sind, in denen ich mich emotional und sexuell entzogen, abgelehnt und immer weiter beschädigt gefühlt habe.

Als die Beziehung endete, schrieb sie mir zuerst einen sehr emotionalen Abschiedsbrief. Darin sagte sie, dass sie mich noch liebe, dass ich ihr wichtig sei, dass wir vielleicht irgendwann nochmal daten könnten und dass unsere gemeinsame kleine Welt weiterhin Bedeutung habe.

Kurz danach kippte alles komplett. Gegen Ende kam es zuerst zu einer Suizidandrohung ihrerseits und danach zu einem Polizeieinsatz, den ich als völlig unverhältnismäßig erlebt habe. Das hat mein Gefühl verstärkt, dass die Situation nicht mehr normal geklärt wurde, sondern eskaliert wurde und ich dabei zunehmend als gefährlicher/problematischer Part dargestellt wurde.

Es gab ein letztes Gespräch in der Öffentlichkeit, bei dem sie und eine Freundin mich massiv beleidigt haben und alles so dargestellt wurde, als wäre ich der gefährliche/toxische Part und sie hätte nichts falsch gemacht. Danach hat sie mich überall blockiert, sogar auf LinkedIn. Kommunikation lief über Dritte. Ein Anwalt war involviert. Sie hat gefilmt, wie sie Schlüssel zurückgibt. Es fühlte sich an, als müsste sie plötzlich ein Narrativ aufbauen, in dem ich gefährlich bin und sie sich vor mir schützen muss.

Was mich am meisten verletzt: Nach fast sechs Jahren fühlte es sich an, als gäbe es keine Würde, keine echte Verantwortungsübernahme und keine Anerkennung dafür, was ich in der Beziehung durchgemacht habe. Ich fühlte mich sozial als „gefährlicher Ex“ dargestellt, während niemand aus ihrem bzw. dem ehemals gemeinsamen Umfeld je meine Perspektive hören wollte.

Gleichzeitig schien sie kurz nach der Trennung in einen komplett anderen Modus zu wechseln. Sie hat ein Bumble-Profil und suchte dort offenbar nach etwas Lockerem bzw. „alles kann, nichts muss“. Ich habe außerdem von einem flirty Chat zwischen ihr und einem ehemaligen Arbeitskollegen erfahren, mit spielerischem/sexuellem Unterton und der Idee, sich spät noch zu treffen.

Genau das macht mich mental fertig: Jahrelang war sie extrem gehemmt, schämte sich für ihren Körper, wollte kaum Sex, wollte mich kaum richtig küssen bzw. wischte sich nach jedem Kuss mit mir den Mund ab, wirkte beim Sex oft nicht anwesend und gab mir das Gefühl, dass mein Begehren ein Problem ist. Und jetzt wirkt sie innerhalb weniger Wochen nach außen plötzlich frei, flirty, sexuell und offen für lockere Erfahrungen mit anderen Männern.

Ich frage mich ständig, ob ich das Problem war. Ob sie mich nie wirklich attraktiv fand. Ob diese neue Version von ihr echt ist oder eher ein Coping-Mechanismus bzw. Bestätigungssuche nach der Trennung.

Ergibt es für euch Sinn, dass jemand in einer Langzeitbeziehung sexuell blockiert ist, aber nach der Trennung plötzlich casual/offen/sexuell wirkt? In meiner ersten Therapiesitzung, in der in nur von der Trennung bzw. den Wochen danach und ihren Aktionen erzählt habe, meinte meine Therapeutin direkt, dass sich das stark nach nicht aufgearbeiteten Trauma bzw. narzisstischen/borderline-nahen Mustern anhört. Von ihrer Kindheit bzw. anderen Vorkommnissen während der Beziehung hatte ich zu diesem Zeitpunkt noch gar nichts erwähnt.

Wie höre ich auf, das als Beweis dafür zu nehmen, dass ich unattraktiv oder wertlos war? Ich traue mich mittlerweile kaum mehr aus dem Haus, weil ich Sorge habe, dass mich alle Menschen auf der Straße als hässlich und minderwertig wahrnehmen.

Ich bin dankbar für ehrliche Einschätzungen.