I lay here alone, i hate that this is all my life is. I was starting to just be ok with it but then there you were. I just want someone to share this life with. Someone to give cheesy socks too. Someone to hold hands with. Someone to share with. Why don't I deserve that?
I can't stop thinking about you! I haven't felt like this about someone I just met for a long time. I keep replaying in my head that night and your voice, your eyes, your whole you, I can't get you out of my head. Things are complicated, I know. I want you! I can't help it. I'm trying to be patient. Everytime I hear a car drive by that sounds like yours I get excited thinking it's you. But so far no such luck. I hope that your thinking about me like I'm thinking about you cause I want you in my life. Anyway, I hope your having a good day and hopefully I'll get to lay eyes on you today. Even if that's all I'll get it'll make me happy.
So I guess maybe I will drop it off the same as the notes
I thought that maybe just maybe I met someone who was real but it turns out they are just like the others. Saying what they feel they have to just to get what they want. Well, I'm too old for these games. I have no interest in running around with kids and getting in trouble. It's all you j. Probably won't see you Saturday. Idk still thinking it all out
I wish you could , we'd get it done this time. Lol
Or I thought I did, I was always there when my long time friend called me. When the car wouldn't start, in the middle of the night when loneliness kicked in, when trouble with partner the times my friend wasn't single. The three of us were friends but my loyalties were for my friend until my friend couldn't be there for me. I've been ghosted for the majority of the last couple months. Every now and then I get a response. We hang out for a couple hours then I'm ghosted again. I fell in love with my friend after 8 years in. We didn't sleep together right away . We became friends first. When we did have sex it was something I felt meant something. I didn't mean to get feelings and I wish I hadn't because in a time of my life, my sister has cancer again for the third time and is gonna die from it and I watched my best friend die of brain cancer at my house 2 years ago. I could really use my friend but because I got feelings and they didn't they don't want to be my friend anymore. My heart is broken and it doesn't matter to him at all.
I'm sorry that I read more into everything than there was. I'm sorry I thought that I meant more to you than I did. I'm sorry that I ever let you convince me that age is just a number, that you weren't to young. I'm sorry about all the late night phone calls, I'm sorry I thought we were more than we were. I'm sorry I asked you to pick me up from train station, I'm sorry that I asked for a job. I'm sorry for the lunch breaks and wanting to help you with a place to stay. I'm sorry for being there when your car wouldn't start. I'm sorry I took the time to help you fix it. I'm sorry I ever met you!
But I sent my last message to you last night. Now, if we ever talk it will be because you reached out. Funny thing is as soon as I got home from your place last night my neighbor left. Thing that make you go hmmm! Doesn't really matter. Have a good 4th!
Why should I be ok with settling for less than I deserve? And let you make the rules? I don't think so! And you can try and convince yourself and anyone else who will listen that what we had was nothing but I seen parts of you that I don't think many have seen. You can't take years of knowing someone and chaulk it up to nothing. But go ahead and ghost me, thinking I'm waiting by the phone. I am not and who knows...I'm done trying to share my feelings with you because you don't want to hear it. You only care about you. Anyway, I'm done .
Why am I trying to better my self and change if I'm still gonna end up alone. If I don't get a chance to fix some mistakes I made what's the point? Im pretty sure your gonna be moving soon and I'm not gonna get the chance to show you what I've been doing to better myself. Im finding that I can't change how I feel about you. I can't let it go. I fucking miss you.
I met this guy 10 years ago he was riding a bus the worked right around the corner from where I lived. He called me s@#$_& with a K. We hung out just talking a few times. He acted and talked like he was into me. Anyways, here we are ten years later and many memories and because I fell in love with him he decided to block me and not talk to me. I miss him but just like I recently told him " he doesn't and hasn't cared about me or my feelings." Tonight proves it! Thanks js
I am sitting here all alone again and my hurt hurts so bad I just want to scream and break everything. Last night broke me. I hate this hopeless empty feeling. Over and over again! How can my heart be so broken while you can just carry on as if.....fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I just miss my friend. If your friendship didn't mean anything to me I wouldn't be trying every way to contact you. It's shitty how things got so fucked up. I miss my friend
You think that all I've wanted is to torment and cause drama. That's not true! I have cared deeply for you for a long time and it's hard for me to just let go. You say you gave me a chance to rekindle our friendship and I failed but how was I to know? And what have you done to fix anything? I just want my friend back. The one I talked to the one who was there at 2 in the morning when I'd need you.
I don't know how people can flip a switch. When I spend time with someone, specially when it's years, there's some kind of feeling. I can't just be ok with throwing all the time spent together away. Things change yes but it didn't have to cause everything to go bad. Why ghost me? What did I do that caused you to totally turn your back on me? Nothing that couldn't have been fixed and why did you resort to insults? I didn't insult you until you did it. Yes, things were said on my part that I didn't mean and you know I didn't because my actions didn't match those words. Anyways, I wish ....
I was reacting to your actions. I have a hard time with anxiety and depression. I said something I didn't mean and you know I didn't mean them. Why am I holding on so tight to someone who doesn't value, respect of have any loyalties to me? I don't know. I just can't give up on someone I care about.
It's around this time of night, most night that I feel most alone. Specially since losing a good friend because I didn't respect his boundaries.