u/Adventurous-Pop-1989

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Added a tldr

I've spent most of my life struggling with this and gave up 2yrs ago after a series of bad experiences trying to get help.

The first time I visited a psychologist, I left with SSRIs, although I did show signs of depression at the time but I feel like like it's mostly a consequence of my lifelong adhd. The meds just made me emotionally numb, as in not sad but unable to feel happy either. Fews weeks later, on the second appointment I tried to voice my concerns about my struggles with execution and how it was affecting my academics at the time, I was basically told "I understand you're struggling but think about it, studying would make your life better so why you try harder". I gave up after that.

I visited another therapist a few months, this time I was told to maintain time tables, and note down how productive I was being everyday. I did give it a try but honestly it worked negatively everytime I couldn't keep up and honestly just it worse, I brought this up but it eventually turned into try harder next week. When I mentioned I'd like to be evaluated specifically for adhd I was dismissed and the therapist decided to have a conversation with my parents about how 'every kid nowadays think they have adhd'

I decided to give it one last try and booked someone from CBS India. It was a bad experience, I felt unheard and was again prescribed some SSRI after a 10minute consultation.

That was the last straw and I was pretty much rawdogging it for the last 1.5yrs. Then I got extremely frustrated and decided to self medicate with modafinil. It did help with some symptoms but I've realised I do have a tendency to abuse it and I'd rather get proper help this time.

So drop some psychiatrists that I can consider, preferably ones the would not lead to outright dismissal. I'm looking for someone that would actually hear me out and be transparent instead of just giving me some anti depressants or anxiety meds after a 10 minute consultation.

TL;DR:

I’ve struggled with likely lifelong ADHD and had several dismissive experiences with therapists/psychiatrists, including being repeatedly prescribed SSRIs without proper evaluation. I eventually self-medicated with modafinil, which helped but became concerning due to my tendency to abuse it. I’m now looking for a good psychiatrist, preferably ADHD-focused, who will actually listen and properly evaluate me rather than dismissing my concerns or prescribing antidepressants after a 10-minute consultation.

Added a tldr

I've spent most of my life struggling with this and gave up 2yrs ago after a series of bad experiences trying to get help.

The first time I visited a psychologist, I left with SSRIs, although I did show signs of depression at the time but I feel like like it's mostly a consequence of my lifelong adhd. The meds just made me emotionally numb, as in not sad but unable to feel happy either. Fews weeks later, on the second appointment I tried to voice my concerns about my struggles with execution and how it was affecting my academics at the time, I was basically told "I understand you're struggling but think about it, studying would make your life better so why you try harder". I gave up after that.

I visited another therapist a few months, this time I was told to maintain time tables, and note down how productive I was being everyday. I did give it a try but honestly it worked negatively everytime I couldn't keep up and honestly just it worse, I brought this up but it eventually turned into try harder next week. When I mentioned I'd like to be evaluated specifically for adhd I was dismissed and the therapist decided to have a conversation with my parents about how 'every kid nowadays think they have adhd'

I decided to give it one last try and booked someone from CBS India. It was a bad experience, I felt unheard and was again prescribed some SSRI after a 10minute consultation.

That was the last straw and I was pretty much rawdogging it for the last 1.5yrs. Then I got extremely frustrated and decided to self medicate with modafinil. It did help with some symptoms but I've realised I do have a tendency to abuse it and I'd rather get proper help this time.

So drop some online psychiatrists that I can consider, preferably ones the would not lead to outright dismissal. I'm looking for someone that would actually hear me out and be transparent instead of just giving me some anti depressants or anxiety meds after a 10 minute consultation.

TL;DR:

I’ve struggled with likely lifelong ADHD and had several dismissive experiences with therapists/psychiatrists, including being repeatedly prescribed SSRIs without proper evaluation. I eventually self-medicated with modafinil, which helped but became concerning due to my tendency to abuse it. I’m now looking for a good online psychiatrist, preferably ADHD-focused, who will actually listen and properly evaluate me rather than dismissing my concerns or prescribing antidepressants after a 10-minute consultation.

​

Hey everyone! I’m currently looking for a remote, part-time internship or freelance opportunity alongside college.

I’m particularly interested in marketing, market research, strategy, and content. I enjoy the part where you actually have to figure out why something works — researching a market, understanding an audience, looking at competitors, and then turning that research into something useful.

A few things I can help with:

- Market & competitor research

- Marketing and content strategy

- Audience research & segmentation

- Content writing and LinkedIn content

- GTM and positioning research

-Social media strategy

- Research reports and presentations

- Basic data analysis using Python, Pandas and Excel

- Content audits and performance analysis

I’ve previously worked as a Marketing intern, where I worked on competitor research, content audits, audience personas, messaging frameworks, social media strategy and marketing content. I’ve also independently worked on a research project analyzing 140 SEC filings from 20 Fortune 500 companies using Python and text-analysis methods.

I’m open to working with startups, agencies, research teams, founders, or international companies, particularly those looking for someone who can combine research with actual marketing execution.

Rate: I'm expecting a minimum of $15/hour.

If you know of anything that might be a good fit, or if you’re looking for someone with this kind of skill set, feel free to DM me. I’d really appreciate a share as well. :)

​

Hey everyone! I’m currently looking for a remote, part-time internship or freelance opportunity alongside college.

I’m particularly interested in marketing, market research, strategy, and content. I enjoy the part where you actually have to figure out why something works — researching a market, understanding an audience, looking at competitors, and then turning that research into something useful.

A few things I can help with:

• Market & competitor research

• Marketing and content strategy

• Audience research & segmentation

• Content writing and LinkedIn content

• GTM and positioning research

-Social media strategy

• Research reports and presentations

• Basic data analysis using Python, Pandas and Excel

• Content audits and performance analysis

I’ve previously worked as a Marketing intern, where I worked on competitor research, content audits, audience personas, messaging frameworks, social media strategy and marketing content. I’ve also independently worked on a research project analyzing 140 SEC filings from 20 Fortune 500 companies using Python and text-analysis methods.

I’m open to working with startups, agencies, research teams, founders, or international companies, particularly those looking for someone who can combine research with actual marketing execution.

Rate: I'm expecting a minimum of $15/hour.

If you know of anything that might be a good fit, or if you’re looking for someone with this kind of skill set, feel free to DM me. I’d really appreciate a share as well. :)

​

Hey everyone! I’m currently looking for a remote, part-time internship or freelance opportunity alongside college.

I’m particularly interested in marketing, market research, strategy, and content. I enjoy the part where you actually have to figure out why something works — researching a market, understanding an audience, looking at competitors, and then turning that research into something useful.

A few things I can help with:

- Market & competitor research

- Marketing and content strategy

- Audience research & segmentation

- Content writing and LinkedIn content

- GTM and positioning research

-Social media strategy

- Research reports and presentations

- Basic data analysis using Python, Pandas and Excel

- Content audits and performance analysis

I’ve previously worked as a Marketing intern, where I worked on competitor research, content audits, audience personas, messaging frameworks, social media strategy and marketing content. I’ve also independently worked on a research project analyzing 140 SEC filings from 20 Fortune 500 companies using Python and text-analysis methods.

I’m open to working with startups, agencies, research teams, founders, or international companies, particularly those looking for someone who can combine research with actual marketing execution.

I’m open to both paid internships and part-time freelance/contract work.

If you know of anything that might be a good fit, or if you’re looking for someone with this kind of skill set, feel free to DM me. I’d really appreciate a share as well. :)

​

Hey everyone! I’m currently looking for a remote, part-time internship or freelance opportunity alongside college.

I’m particularly interested in marketing, market research, strategy, and content. I enjoy the part where you actually have to figure out why something works — researching a market, understanding an audience, looking at competitors, and then turning that research into something useful.

A few things I can help with:

• Market & competitor research

• Marketing and content strategy

• Audience research & segmentation

• Content writing and LinkedIn content

• GTM and positioning research

• Social media strategy

• Research reports and presentations

• Basic data analysis using Python, Pandas and Excel

• Content audits and performance analysis

I’ve previously worked as a Marketing intern, where I worked on competitor research, content audits, audience personas, messaging frameworks, social media strategy and marketing content. I’ve also independently worked on a research project analyzing 140 SEC filings from 20 Fortune 500 companies using Python and text-analysis methods.

I’m open to working with startups, agencies, research teams, founders, or international companies, particularly those looking for someone who can combine research with actual marketing execution.

I’m open to both paid internships and part-time freelance/contract work. I'm expecting a minimum of $15/hour.

If you know of anything that might be a good fit, or if you’re looking for someone with this kind of skill set, feel free to DM me. I’d really appreciate a share as well. :)

​

Hey everyone! I’m currently looking for a remote, part-time internship or freelance opportunity alongside college.

I’m particularly interested in marketing, market research, strategy, and content. I enjoy the part where you actually have to figure out why something works — researching a market, understanding an audience, looking at competitors, and then turning that research into something useful.

A few things I can help with:

- Market & competitor research

- Marketing and content strategy

- Audience research & segmentation

- Content writing and LinkedIn content

- GTM and positioning research

- Social media strategy

- Research reports and presentations

- Basic data analysis using Python, Pandas and Excel

- Content audits and performance analysis

I’ve previously worked as a Marketing intern, where I worked on competitor research, content audits, audience personas, messaging frameworks, social media strategy and marketing content. I’ve also independently worked on a research project analyzing 140 SEC filings from 20 Fortune 500 companies using Python and text-analysis methods.

I’m open to working with startups, agencies, research teams, founders, or international companies, particularly those looking for someone who can combine research with actual marketing execution.

I’m open to both paid internships and part-time freelance/contract work.

If you know of anything that might be a good fit, or if you’re looking for someone with this kind of skill set, feel free to DM me. I’d really appreciate a share as well. :)

​

My bf had started prioritising his friends over the relationship and basically said “my friend would come save me if I got into a fight, he paid for my alcohol when I didnt have money, he would send me 15k without thinking if I asked, he would come get me at 12am if I was stranded” and then “I'm not expecting you to come get me cuz you're a girl and it would be unsafe but thats why I cant refuse him even if I have plans with you, I might take a few hours”

Then he made this whole theory about how guys have their gf as their gf but friends as friends and best friends while girls apparently make their bf their best friend and prioritize them more

The funny part is this was the same guy who used to get really insecure and throw tantrums whenever I went out with my friends, even normally, and would say stuff like “people in relationships text each other all the time so I got anxious when you didnt text me for two hours”

So I started prioritising him a little more and trying to make him feel secure and then suddenly this whole friends are more important thing comes out...

I just went “yeah lmao have fun” and basically reverted back to how I used to be before I started adjusting myself around his insecurity

Then 2 days later I was with friends, got drunk and fell asleep, and his charger was with me so he called me like 20 times and eventually left without it, mind you the charge had been with me for the past 4 days and he had no issues.....

When I woke up I asked why he didnt just take a charger from one of his friends and he said they were all sleeping and he didnt wanna bother them...and I'm like where is all the they will help me out at 12am energy?

Then he had another situation where he hadnt slept all day, got wet going to his room and called me expecting me to pick up, but I was with a friend so I said I'd call in a few minutes and he got hurt and pissed and threw a tantrum for basically the whole day.. When I literally did call him after a few mins

The funny thing is I've had the exact same expectation before, but when he was drinking with his friends and felt reassured enough, he just told me he'd call me later

Then the next day he said he was ready to talk about why he was upset, I heard him out and then told him I was studying with my friend and I'd call later

Then a couple days later he said he'd call me by 12:30 latest because he was tired, then asked for another 30 mins because he got really into studying, then suddenly said he was planning to drink and asked if I minded.. I said yeah sure go ahead, he called me while his friends were getting the alcohol and then I obviously didnt text him while he was drinking

Almost 4 hours later he calls me at around 4:45am, I cut the call and told him I'm with my friend, he says “ok” and then calls 3 more times within 5 minutes

I text him again saying I'm talking to her after a long time and to give me a while because she was venting and it would be rude to just pick up in the middle, especially when its not an emergency

Then he says “you cant even pick up for a min to reassure me, I do every fkking time”....And I'm just like... that would be a stretch lol, half the time he's doing whatever and his phone doesnt have charge, he loses track of time because he's drinking or he's taking some random road trip, it's happened multiple times a week over the last 1.5 months

I just left it on delivered until I was done talking to my friend

TL;DR: My bf used to get insecure whenever I spent time with friends and expected me to prioritize/reassure him, so I adjusted. Then he started saying friends should come first and he can't refuse them because they help him out. Now whenever I'm with friends and unavailable, he gets upset and expects immediate reassurance, while I routinely give him the same freedom I don't seem to get back. The standard seems to change depending on who wants attention.

​

My bf had started prioritising his friends over the relationship and basically said “my friend would come save me if I got into a fight, he paid for my alcohol when I didnt have money, he would send me 15k without thinking if I asked, he would come get me at 12am if I was stranded” and then “I'm not expecting you to come get me cuz you're a girl and it would be unsafe but thats why I cant refuse him even if I have plans with you, I might take a few hours”

Then he made this whole theory about how guys have their gf as their gf but friends as friends and best friends while girls apparently make their bf their best friend and prioritize them more

The funny part is this was the same guy who used to get really insecure and throw tantrums whenever I went out with my friends, even normally, and would say stuff like “people in relationships text each other all the time so I got anxious when you didnt text me for two hours”

So I started prioritising him a little more and trying to make him feel secure and then suddenly this whole friends are more important thing comes out...

I just went “yeah lmao have fun” and basically reverted back to how I used to be before I started adjusting myself around his insecurity

Then 2 days later I was with friends, got drunk and fell asleep, and his charger was with me so he called me like 20 times and eventually left without it, mind you the charge had been with me for the past 4 days and he had no issues.....

When I woke up I asked why he didnt just take a charger from one of his friends and he said they were all sleeping and he didnt wanna bother them...and I'm like where is all the they will help me out at 12am energy?

Then he had another situation where he hadnt slept all day, got wet going to his room and called me expecting me to pick up, but I was with a friend so I said I'd call in a few minutes and he got hurt and pissed and threw a tantrum for basically the whole day.. When I literally did call him after a few mins

The funny thing is I've had the exact same expectation before, but when he was drinking with his friends and felt reassured enough, he just told me he'd call me later

Then the next day he said he was ready to talk about why he was upset, I heard him out and then told him I was studying with my friend and I'd call later

Then a couple days later he said he'd call me by 12:30 latest because he was tired, then asked for another 30 mins because he got really into studying, then suddenly said he was planning to drink and asked if I minded.. I said yeah sure go ahead, he called me while his friends were getting the alcohol and then I obviously didnt text him while he was drinking

Almost 4 hours later he calls me at around 4:45am, I cut the call and told him I'm with my friend, he says “ok” and then calls 3 more times within 5 minutes

I text him again saying I'm talking to her after a long time and to give me a while because she was venting and it would be rude to just pick up in the middle, especially when its not an emergency

Then he says “you cant even pick up for a min to reassure me, I do every fkking time”....And I'm just like... that would be a stretch lol, half the time he's doing whatever and his phone doesnt have charge, he loses track of time because he's drinking or he's taking some random road trip, it's happened multiple times a week over the last 1.5 months

I just left it on delivered until I was done talking to my friend

TL;DR: My bf used to get insecure whenever I spent time with friends and expected me to prioritize/reassure him, so I adjusted. Then he started saying friends should come first and he can't refuse them because they help him out. Now whenever I'm with friends and unavailable, he gets upset and expects immediate reassurance, while I routinely give him the same freedom I don't seem to get back. The standard seems to change depending on who wants attention.

​

I'm in college, while my boyfriend will probably be starting his job in about a year. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how different our lives are going to look.

He'll have a salary, coworkers, the freedom to travel, go out, party, and just... live. Meanwhile, I'll be trying to build my CV, prepare for internships, study for exams, and figure out my career.

At first, I thought I was just jealous of him. But I don't think that's actually what I'm feeling.

I grew up with very strict parents. I wasn't allowed the kind of freedom that most of my friends had. No spontaneous outings, no sleepovers, very few trips, barely any social life. I struggled to make close friends because I simply wasn't allowed to do the things that friendships are built around.

I feel like I missed out on an entire part of growing up.

So when I see my boyfriend making plans, traveling, going out with friends, or talking about all the things he'll get to do once he's working, it feels like someone is holding up a mirror to everything I never had.

He's not doing anything wrong, and I genuinely want him to enjoy his life. I don't want him to stop doing those things just because I couldn't. But at the same time, every exciting story or trip reminds me of everything I lost.

It's a strange feeling because it doesn't feel like envy in the usual sense. It feels more like grief.

Sometimes I worry that by the time I finally gain some independence, everyone else, including him, will already be in a different stage of life. They'll be over the "young and carefree" phase while I'll just be experiencing it for the first time.

Has anyone else grown up with controlling or overly strict parents and felt this way?

Did you ever stop grieving the experiences you never got to have? And how did you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's?

TL;DR: I'm 21 and in college, while my boyfriend will likely start working in a year. Watching him gain the freedom to travel, party, and enjoy life brings up a lot of grief because I grew up with very strict parents and feel like I missed out on a normal youth. I'm happy for him, but it reminds me of everything I never got to experience. Has anyone else struggled with grieving the life they feel they lost, and how did you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's?

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Took 200 mg Modalert at 11 PM for the first time. It's now around 11 hours later and I still feel incredibly awake.

Here's what I noticed:

The constant internal monologue/background mental chatter almost disappeared.

Starting tasks became effortless.

I got intense tunnel vision/hyperfocus. Once I started something, switching tasks became difficult.

Finished a PowerPoint in 20 minutes that would normally take me over an hour because I wasn't constantly getting distracted.

Time seemed to pass ridiculously fast.

I felt more social and had genuinely enjoyable conversations with people I'd normally barely talk to.

I felt euphoric at times—not a recreational "high," but like my brain was finally working the way it was supposed to.

I still felt like my ADHD tendencies were there, but they were much easier to manage.

During an argument, my heart pounded much harder than usual, but it settled within 5–10 minutes after I calmed down.

Even after being awake for over 24 hours (I only had a 1-hour nap the previous afternoon), I still felt unusually alert and almost impossible to put to sleep. I genuinely couldn't fall asleep despite trying.

My appetite didn't disappear completely—I actually got hungry again a few hours after breakfast.

For people who've taken modafinil before:

Is this kind of first-time response typical?

Does the intense tunnel vision/euphoria usually become less noticeable with continued use?

Has anyone else felt "more like themselves" rather than just more awake?

​

Took 200 mg Modalert at 11 PM for the first time. It's now around 11 hours later and I still feel incredibly awake.

Here's what I noticed:

- The constant internal monologue/background mental chatter almost disappeared.

- Starting tasks became effortless.

- I got intense tunnel vision/hyperfocus. Once I started something, switching tasks became difficult.

- Finished a PowerPoint in 20 minutes that would normally take me over an hour because I wasn't constantly getting distracted.

- Time seemed to pass ridiculously fast.

- I felt more social and had genuinely enjoyable conversations with people I'd normally barely talk to.

- I felt euphoric at times—not a recreational "high," but like my brain was finally working the way it was supposed to.

- I still felt like my ADHD tendencies were there, but they were much easier to manage.

- During an argument, my heart pounded much harder than usual, but it settled within 5–10 minutes after I calmed down.

- Even after being awake for over 24 hours (I only had a 1-hour nap the previous afternoon), I still felt unusually alert and almost impossible to put to sleep. I genuinely couldn't fall asleep despite trying.

- My appetite didn't disappear completely—I actually got hungry again a few hours after breakfast.

For people who've taken modafinil before:

1. Is this kind of first-time response typical?

2. Does the intense tunnel vision/euphoria usually become less noticeable with continued use?

3. Has anyone else felt "more like themselves" rather than just more awake?

​

I'm here for college and want some places to hangout or party (preferably with drinks), what are some good clubs? Argora side?

​

I'm curious what people think about this because I'm genuinely conflicted.

P1 and P2 are a couple.

P1 gets access to about ₹50k/month from their parents. P2 gets about ₹8k/month, which is basically their monthly allowance and is meant to cover all of their personal expenses.

P2's family is significantly wealthier than P1's, but P2 doesn't actually have access to that wealth beyond the allowance.

Here's where things get complicated.

P1 usually spends a large portion of their money on drinking and going out with friends. They also have a habit of borrowing money throughout the month and paying it back once they receive more money.

P1 is also usually the one suggesting expensive dates and staycations. They go on around 4–5 staycations every month, which obviously adds up.

The problem is that by the time these dates happen, P1 is often broke or doesn't even have enough money left for food, so P2 ends up covering a lot of the expenses despite having a much smaller monthly budget, and spending a significant part of the monthly budget.

Some additional context:

\- P1 is older and will likely be working full-time within a few months

\- P2 still has about a few years of education left before they'll likely earn their own income.

\- P1's financial situation is more limited than P2's family background, but P1 has access to much more spending money each month than P2 does.

So the disagreement is this:

Should the expectation be that P2 contributes more because their family is wealthier, even though they only have ₹8k/month to spend?

Or should P1 be expected to budget differently if they're the one proposing expensive plans, instead of relying on P2 after spending most of their own money elsewhere?

Who do you think is being unreasonable here, if anyone? And how much should P2 be contributing to these outings?

​

I'm curious what people think about this because I'm genuinely conflicted.

P1 and P2 are a couple.

P1 gets access to about ₹50k/month from their parents. P2 gets about ₹8k/month, which is basically their monthly allowance and is meant to cover all of their personal expenses.

P2's family is significantly wealthier than P1's, but P2 doesn't actually have access to that wealth beyond the allowance.

Here's where things get complicated.

P1 usually spends a large portion of their money on drinking and going out with friends. They also have a habit of borrowing money throughout the month and paying it back once they receive more money.

P1 is also usually the one suggesting expensive dates and staycations. They go on around 4–5 staycations every month, which obviously adds up.

The problem is that by the time these dates happen, P1 is often broke or doesn't even have enough money left for food, so P2 ends up covering a lot of the expenses despite having a much smaller monthly budget, and spending a significant part of the monthly budget.

Some additional context:

- P1 is older and will likely be working full-time within a few months

- P2 still has about a few years of education left before they'll likely earn their own income.

- P1's financial situation is more limited than P2's family background, but P1 has access to much more spending money each month than P2 does.

So the disagreement is this:

Should the expectation be that P2 contributes more because their family is wealthier, even though they only have ₹8k/month to spend?

Or should P1 be expected to budget differently if they're the one proposing expensive plans, instead of relying on P2 after spending most of their own money elsewhere?

Who do you think is being unreasonable here, if anyone? And how much should P2 be contributing to these outings?

​

​

My drinking habits are getting me broke asf, I don't care about taste or the type of alcohol(though I wouldn't prefer rum in summers) as long as it gets me drunk. What are my options?

Need some men's perspective here too

2 days ago, he told me that his first sexual experience was with a prostitute.

His explanation was that at the time he had never had a girlfriend, was feeling lonely, left out, and insecure because many of his friends were dating and having sex. He and a few other guys in a similar situation ended up going together.

The thing is, I actually believe his explanation.

He's never tried to justify it or make it sound cool. If anything, he seems embarrassed and ashamed of it. The more I've gotten to know him, the more I can see how insecurity, loneliness, fear of rejection, and wanting to fit in could have contributed to that decision.

The problem is that even though I understand it, I still can't get past the fact that it happened.

I just find it deeply unattractive.

Part of it is that it makes me question how he handles loneliness and insecurity. My thought process is that if someone was willing to pay for sex because they felt left out, what happens the next time they feel lonely, rejected, or sexually frustrated?

Another part of it is that he has questioned me about my own past before. In my mind it's like you lost your right to question me when your past looks like that.

What's confusing me is that I genuinely think he's a decent person, and I don't think he's proud of what he did. But knowing it happened has permanently changed how I see him.

Has anyone else had an experience where you understood why your partner did something, forgave them for it, but still found yourself less attracted to them because of it?

For the guys, is this actually even remotely common? Because I cannot believe that shit

Edit: when inquired, he gives me the reasoning that a lot of men he knows do it but never admit it to their women, as in he isn't not an outlier here but the fact that he admitted it makes him better and he's getting shit for being honest. In my head that excuse just made his position even worse as it definitely reeks of some manipulation/guilt tripping there.

Edit: we've been together for a few months including talking stage/dating and I came to know about it 2days ago so I definitely feel like I've been blindsided here.

Edit: honestly the reason I haven't broken up with him is because he is mostly perfect on paper, as in pays attention to me, takes care of me, notices and cares about my moods, mostly apologies even when it's my fault, would do anything to have me, is extremely emotionally available etc. But honestly this thing has given me the ick and I don't think I can take him seriously long term. I'm back to my senses though

​

2 days ago, he told me that his first sexual experience happened when he was around 21 and was with a prostitute.

His explanation was that at the time he had never had a girlfriend, was feeling lonely, left out, and insecure because many of his friends were dating and having sex. He and a few other guys in a similar situation ended up going together.

The thing is, I actually believe his explanation.

He's never tried to justify it or make it sound cool. If anything, he seems embarrassed and ashamed of it. The more I've gotten to know him, the more I can see how insecurity, loneliness, fear of rejection, and wanting to fit in could have contributed to that decision.

The problem is that even though I understand it, I still can't get past the fact that it happened.

I just find it deeply unattractive.

Part of it is that it makes me question how he handles loneliness and insecurity. My thought process is that if someone was willing to pay for sex because they felt left out, what happens the next time they feel lonely, rejected, or sexually frustrated?

Another part of it is that he has questioned me about my own past before. In my mind it's like you lost your right to question me when your past looks like that.

What's confusing me is that I genuinely think he's a decent person, and I don't think he's proud of what he did. But knowing it happened has permanently changed how I see him.

Has anyone else had an experience where you understood why your partner did something, forgave them for it, but still found yourself less attracted to them because of it?

Edit: when inquired, he gives me the reasoning that a lot of men he knows do it but never admit it to their women, as in he isn't not an outlier here but the fact that he admitted it makes him better and he's getting shit for being honest. In my head that excuse just made his position even worse as it definitely reeks of some manipulation/guilt tripping there.

Edit: we've been together for a few months including talking stage/dating and I came to know about it 2days ago so I definitely feel like I've been blindsided here.

Edit: honestly the reason I haven't broken up with him is because he is mostly perfect on paper, as in pays attention to me, takes care of me, notices and cares about my moods, mostly apologies even when it's my fault, would do anything to have me, is extremely emotionally available etc. But honestly this thing has given me the ick and I don't think I can take him seriously long term. I'm back to my senses though

​

My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been together for a while, and there's one thing that keeps bothering me.

He has been drinking pretty regularly since his late teens. According to him, he's improved a lot compared to how he used to be. He says there was a time when he was going out almost every day, and now it's much less frequent, like 2 or 3 times a week.

The issue is that even now, the pattern seems to be:

"I'll just go out for a bit."

Then he runs into friends.

Then someone suggests a drink.

Then another friend joins.

Then another place.

And suddenly he's getting home at 4 or 5 in the morning.

What concerns me isn't even the alcohol itself as much as his apparent lack of boundaries around it. It often feels like things just "happen" to him rather than him making deliberate choices.

For example, recently he told me he was trying not to go out, but his friends showed up near his house and convinced him. Maybe that's true, but part of me keeps thinking, you're an adult. At some point you are still responsible for your own decisions.

Another thing that worries me is that he seems to use socializing and drinking as a distraction whenever life gets difficult. He hates being alone with his thoughts and openly says he doesn't like sitting by himself for too long. Looking back, a lot of his coping mechanisms seem to involve keeping himself busy, surrounding himself with people, going out, drinking, etc.

I'm starting to wonder whether the bigger issue is that he doesn't really know how to sit with uncomfortable emotions and process them.

For people who have been in relationships with heavy social drinkers:

- Does this sound like normal early-20s behavior that people naturally grow out of?

- Or does it sound more like someone with poor boundaries around alcohol?

- How much weight would you give this when considering long-term compatibility?

I'm not trying to judge him or force him to change. I'm just trying to figure out whether I'm seeing a temporary phase or a deeper pattern.