u/Adventurous-Turn5393

Hello everyone, I've been dating my boyfriend for a while. I'm looking for honest opinions because I'm confused and emotional.
Before I explain the relationship, there's something important about my past. When I was a child, someone touched my breasts without my consent. Nothing happened below my waist, but it was still something that affected me deeply. I've never fully healed from it, and I think it may still affect me today.
Now about my relationship.
My boyfriend says he loves me, is affectionate, and sometimes gets sexually excited when we're chatting at night. He'll send romantic or sexual messages because he's attracted to me.
The problem is that I don't feel emotionally comfortable with those conversations.
The biggest reason is that I still don't have a clear idea of where our relationship is going. I want marriage in the future, and I need to know we're moving toward that. I've asked him for more clarity before, but I still don't feel like I have a clear answer.
Recently he started sending romantic/sexual messages again because he got horny. I told him to stop because I don't want those kinds of conversations until I know where our relationship is heading. I also told him that, from my perspective, it can make me feel like he only wants me for my body.
He immediately replied that it wasn't like that, called me "my love," apologized, and stopped. He didn't pressure me after I said no.
Even though he respected my boundary, I still ended up crying afterward.
The truth is that I cry almost every time we have a sexual conversation. It leaves me feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and emotionally hurt. I'm starting to wonder if my childhood experience is affecting me more than I realized, or if my fear comes from not feeling secure about our future together.
I'm trying to understand myself, not blame him unfairly. At the same time, I don't want to ignore my feelings either.
So I have a few questions:
Am I overreacting?

Could childhood trauma make someone cry after sexual conversations, even with someone they love?

Is it understandable that I don't feel comfortable with sexual conversations before I have clarity about our future?

Since he apologized and respected my boundary, should I see that as a good sign, or should I still be concerned because I still don't have the commitment and reassurance I'm looking for?

I'm genuinely looking for honest opinions from people who have experienced something similar or who can give me an outside perspective.

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