u/Affectionate-Pay4845

Then I got a computer virus and was sick for a month

A paralysis demon with a bat hit me and knocked me back out

A pillow monster then beat me with a bag of bricks

But then a brick fell and knocked me out

A bunch of books randomly fell off a shelf and crushed me

Unfortunately I put too much popcorn in the microwave and it exploded

So the sandman kicked me in the balls to knock me out.

I got a really bad paper cut though because it was a book with metal pages

The butter melted, and I slipped and broke my butt

Unfortunately, it was a microphone that a lot of flying sharks were listening to so they flew up and hit me