u/Affectionate-Pay4845

The evil pizza delivery guy put poison on it and I got really sick.

Then the IRS sleep demon invaded my dreams to make me pay my taxes.

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Then I tripped on an evil wet floor and broke my back

You can pick a YouTuber that you like and gain any superpowers that they have been depicted as using in their YouTube videos. For example, if there is a comedy skit for a YouTuber where they use super speed, then you gain access to super speed and can use it at the speed that is depicted. You can use multiple superpowers at once from that YouTuber as long as they have been depicted as using those powers in their videos.

But I got lost and ended up in the worst city ever - Detroit!

But the pizza was actually an evil calzone

As long as you physically touch an object that is on sale and call 'dibs', you can get that item for free. Touch a car and call 'dibs' while doing it, for example, and the car is yours.

But evil Larry stole it after kicking me in the buttocks

Then the demon geese attacked my legs

The electricity made my balls explode

That's because the evil chainsaw guy cut them off and replaced them with chopsticks

But it was actually an evil $2 bill in disguise

Then I got picked up by a tornado and was never heard from again.

The advice gave me cancer

But then I went crazy because it was the shovel of the evil psycho King