I (27M) think I might be transgender, please help, I’m confused.
This turned out quite a bit longer than I imagined, but when I started writing it sort of all came out. I’m holding out hope someone will still read it ❤️
Hi. I haven’t been fortunate enough to grow up in a diverse community, and don’t really have anyone I’m comfortable sharing this with yet, but I’ve had this weighing on my chest for a long while. I guess what I’m asking is if anyone can relate to my experience, or know anyone who does. A lot of these things feel silly, and awkward to share, but I need to share them with someone, and would rather take the risk of being made fun of at this point.
I guess the first “sign” of this was that I’ve always preferred playing as female characters in video games. I sort of shrugged this off as a horny teenager thing, but it’s persisted as I’ve gotten older, and it doesn’t really feel like that anymore. This fascination or fantasising about being a woman has also expanded into other media and even sexual fantasies.
Then there’s the issue of my body. I’ve always hated my body, always been uncomfortable showing skin. To be fair, I was a fat kid, and for a long thought I felt like that was the reason for this, but even as I grew older, and at some point was quite fit, it just never felt right. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it doesn’t feel like my body. I look in the mirror and it doesn’t look like me. It’s gotten to the point where I kinda dissociate from my body at points, and try to forget what I look like.
I’ve also always felt more comfortable around women. I’ve never lived with another man, besides my father, and at one point I lived in a collective of four girls and me. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable around guys, I have plenty of male friends, but I feel more at home with, and like I can relate more in some way, to women.
Romantic relationships have been a huge issue, and while I’ve loved plenty of people, I’ve hated being in relationships, and hated myself in those relationships, and I’m starting to realise that has been the root of most of them ending.
There are also some things that I don’t really feel comfortable sharing, and you probably don’t want to read about, but they are firmly in the NSFW department of things, so I’m sure you can fill in the blanks.
Now to the other side of the argument. I have struggled with periodic depression and anxiety, and these thoughts and feelings are highly prevalent during these periods, alongside other highly irrational thoughts and feelings.
I was also quite old when I first started to really think about this, around 25, and besides the things I’ve mentioned, I’ve always felt like a man. A feminine man perhaps, but still a man.
The fears running through my mind is that this is just a fetish, or that it’s just a phase, or I guess even that I just crave attention, and that I’ll regret doing anything once it’s too late. And I’m terrified of talking to anyone I know, especially my family, in fear that they won’t accept me.
And while the idea of transitioning feels liberating in some ways, it also scares the shit out of me. Both the social aspect of my friends and family, and the idea of learning how to be a woman without any community, and a bit of social anxiety to make it even harder.
Alright, that’s my rant. Sorry it went on a bit long, but I really, really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and reply. ❤️