u/Afraid-Studio1215

Original post

Since my last post, I've spoken with my mother, even though most of your advice was to go NC or VLC. I think I got all the answers I need now in order to go NC.

Some of you reminded me that I'm actually not the parent in this relationship, and it's not my job to regulate my mother or make up after what happened. I want to say thank you to all of you for the support, insight and advice given.

The days after the wedding have been a mix of joy and sadness. I have so many good memories from the wedding itself and I'm so happy to be with my husband, but my parents behavior has made this time feel somewhat bitter. I wish it didn't affect me this much, but it does.

As many of you suggested, this has been my parents behavior my whole life and it's normalized to me, which makes it hard to navigate. It's sometimes difficult to know what's okay and what's not. So writing on this subreddit has been very helpful.

And no, I don't believe my mother has bipolar disorder like I do, but she most definitely have a type of personality disorder like some of you suggested.

Now for the actual update on my mother. The call was mostly my mother hating on my husband, telling me she cannot believe that I married him. To her, he talks too much, he lies (not true), and is too open about his own past experiences, which she thinks he should keep to himself.

She also claims my husband threatened her. I was there when that "happened", and it's just not true, it didn't happen. But she strongly believe it did. What happened was that my husband told her to leave, that he had enough of her insults, something my mother perceived as an indirect threat to her.

My mother also spoke about trust, that she cannot trust us anymore, because we told other guests (our close friends) about how upset she got and that she yelled at us the day after the wedding. My mother claims that issues should only be dealt with within the family, that it's not other people's business what happens between us. This last point honestly gives me anxiety, especially since I made this reddit post. Well, now its on the internet, mother.

I stay calm the whole conversation, disagreeing with her on all her points. That upset her, and she says that we will never ever reach an agreement. Something I agree with.

It's upsetting how things ended, but I'll learn to live without them. Again, thank you all for your support.

I (31F) got married to the love of my life (27M) last weekend. We got married abroad. Mostly friends were present at the wedding including my parents and sister. My husband's family couldn't make it and husband is no-contact with his mother.

The day after the wedding, I was hungover and wanted to spend the day in bed. My husband wanted to meet up with his friends. We spent some time in bed, and some time with his friends.

During dinner my mother calls me to ask how we're doing. When I tell her we're at dinner with husbands friends she gets very upset. She tells me that they feel left out, that we have excluded them. I apologize and feel awful. My mother keeps on yelling, even when I start to cry. I try to explain that I didnt want to see anyone this day, and that we didnt mean to exclude them.

We speak to my parents face to face. We apologize. My mother claims my husband doesn't care about my family, that he is "all talk and no action", that my husband shouldn't "fuck with her", calls him an idiot. My husband takes the blame on him and apologize. I offer to spend time with them the next day, that we could have breakfast, lunch and/or dinner together. My mother declines, saying she's too upset to be with us. My dad says nothing at all.

The next day we stay available for my parents just in case. I text my parents. Some time goes by and my father replies that they are gonna spend the day in a city an hour away from us.

Other people joins us, and we tell them what happened. Our friends tells us that my parents are in the wrong, that they shouldn't expect us to spend time with them the day after our wedding, that it's upsetting that my parents are making our wedding trip to be about themselves.

My mother then calls me. She's still upset. I tell her that they are entitled to their feelings but that the way they treated us yesterday wasn't ok. My mother loses her mind again, saying I "turned" on them and talks negatively about my husband. I cut the conversation short.

Later on my friend and I meet up with my father. Here I'm not sure what happened, but my father and my friend gets into a verbal fight. All I remember hearing is my friend calling my father manipulative.

The next day my parents are supposed to leave back home. I feel awful for everything that has happened and ask my parents if they want to say goodbye before they leave. No reply, but my mother shows up at our door, burst past me, and start a new discussion with my husband. This time my husband talks back. My mom leaves and we haven't spoken since.

Am I the asshole?

I (female 31) got married to the love of my life (male 27) last weekend. We got married abroad. My little sister (29) was my maid of honor. Mostly friends were present at the wedding including my parents, since most of my husband's family couldn't make it and husband is no-contact with his mother.

The wedding day itself was amazing and I couldn't be happier. We all celebrated and partied, the day couldn't be better.

The next day I was so hungover and wanted to spend the day in bed with my new husband. My husband on the other hand, felt energetic and wanted to meet up with his friends. We spent some time in bed, and some time with his friends. I was feeling dead and didn't engage much in conversation, which my husband and his friends accepted. We had lunch, dinner and some drinks together. I'm feeling a little upset that we didn't spend the day in bed but it is what it is. As a grown up I could have stayed back in the room, but my conscience wouldn't keep my husband from my friends; husband didn't want to leave me alone the day after our wedding but felt sad that he couldn't spend time with his friends. That's why I decided to join them even when I should have rested. (Side note: I have bipolar 1 disorder, and stress triggers psychotic symptoms).

During dinner my mother calls me to ask how we're doing. When I tell her we're at dinner with husbands friends she gets very upset. She tells me that my father and her feels left out and forgotten by us, that we have excluded my family. I sincerely apologize and feel awful for excluding them. My mother keeps on being upset, yelling, even when I start to cry. I try to explain that I didnt want to see anyone this day, and that we didnt mean to exclude them. We hang up the phone, and my husband and I leave the dinner because I'm crying.

We go upstairs to our hotel room, and decide to go and speak firstly to my sister and her boyfriend. I apologize to my sister for not spending time with them. She says she understands and not to worry. We spend some time together and have a laugh.

We then decide to speak to my parents. We apologize for not spending time with them. My mother won't hear it, she's too upset. She yells and claims my husband doesn't care about my family, that he is "all talk and no action", that my husband shouldn't "fuck with her", calls him an idiot, yells that I'm sensitive for stress and he should know better. My husband takes all the blame on him and try his best to apologize. At this point I'm confused, crying again, and said it's my fault too, that I'm an adult. My mother keeps repeating that my family has flown here to be with me and husband and we're excluding them. I try to offer to spend time with them the next day, that we could have breakfast, lunch and/or dinner together. My mother declines all, saying she's too upset to be with us. My dad says nothing at all. We leave my parents room.

The next day we stay available for my parents just in case. We spend some time in the morning with my sister and her boyfriend since they are leaving that day. We're not with anyone else, we don't leave the hotel. My parents had plans to drive my sister and her boyfriend to the airport. I text my parents if they want to have some drinks with us on the terrace and/or want to have lunch with us when they come back. Some time goes by and my father replies that they are gonna spend the day in a city an hour away from us, that we can chat more when they are back. We are disappointed. Other people from the wedding joins us drinking, and we tell them what have happened. Our friends tells us that my parents are in the wrong, that they shouldn't expect us to spend time with them the day after our wedding, that it's upsetting that my parents are making our wedding trip to be about themselves.

After several hours at the terrace, my husband goes to buy drinks and sees my parents are back from the trip. We wait some time and they don't text us they're back. I text my father saying that I hear theyre back. My mother then calls me. She's still upset. I tell her that they are entitled to their feelings but that the way they treated us yesterday wasn't ok. My mother loses her mind again, saying I "turned" on them and talks negatively about my husband. I cut the conversation short.

My mother then wants her earrings back. My friend and I go downstairs to give them to my father. Here I'm not sure what happened, but my father and my friend gets into a verbal fight. All I remember hearing is my friend calling my father manipulative. I calm down the fight and my father leaves. We spend the rest of the day together with my friends.

The next day my parents are supposed to leave back home. I feel awful for everything that has happened and ask my parents if they want to say goodbye before they leave. No reply, but my mother shows up at our door, burst past me, and start a new discussion with my husband. This time my husband talks back. I'm quietly in shock. My mom leaves and we haven't spoken since.

Id love some perspective or advice on what has happened. Am I the asshole?