u/Aggravating-Yam-8538

38 (f). I don't have any older female relatives or friends that have gone through divorce. I am seeking any advice or perspective that you could pass on. I have been separated for 2 years, and in the process of finalizing the divorce. I left due to many reasons: lack of accountability, unequal partnership, many years of job insecurity and unemployment, and overall coming to the conclusion that he just didn't have the capacity to be the partner I needed. On paper, I look like I have my life together, and some days I feel like my old self. I used to be so fun, adventurous, and confident. Now, I just feel like a shadow of my former self. I can't stop grieving over my marriage. This pain is relentless, and I just feel like it's never going to heal. I am in therapy, and trying really hard to focus on me. I'm trying to reimagine my life, and rediscover myself. Some days it just feels like I'm never going to be over this pain.

I lost my mother at a young age, so I'm posting to this sub as I feel this group will have a good perspective.

I'm 37 (f) and since my separation my life on paper looks good (have my own place, financially independent, good career, great family and friends). I'm in therapy, stay healthy, and maintain being social with friends. But, I just feel so lost and sad.

I loved my husband so much, but I grew up and he didn't. He isn't a bad person, but he just didn't want to choose me. I think the hurt comes from knowing I would have done anything for him, and did everything I could think of for many, many years.

There were many issues with employment, family dynamics, and lack of accountability. I just became a personal assistant/mother, versus equal partner.

For anyone that has been through this, any advice?

I left almost 2 years ago, and legally separated for over a year. I just don't know why I keep measuring my worth based on my failed marriage. I feel myself staring at everyone's ring fingers, and just keep thinking that I had my chance.

Hello sub,

I'm slowly rebuilding myself and my self-esteem after leaving my husband over 1.5 years ago. I have accomplished so much- bought my own place, pursuing hobbies I love, taking a multi-country trip, and started a new management position.

This leads me to my question. With starting my new position, of course there are the common questions---are you married? Have a partner? In a relationship? I'm just so insecure about this topic. I have found myself lying and saying I have a partner. I hate that I have done that, but I really don't want to open up more questions.

For those that have separated/divorce/broke up with a long term partner, what would you do? Any advice? I'm hoping one day to be in another relationship, but I just don't want to lay my situation out there when I'm their new manager.

37 (f), legally separated. I'm living on my own for the first time in my life. Generally, I would say I am having more good days than bad. I loved my husband very much but ultimately he couldn't be the person I needed, and I couldn't keep our marriage going for the two of us. It hurts to feel like I wasn't good enough, or worth fighting for. But I am working on properly addressing those feelings.

I think that keeps tripping me up is how much society revolves around your relationship status. I have been saying I'm single, as I feel its less complicated of an answer for people. But then I think I'm never going to have that partner. I know I need to be patient, but I just feel like I need to hurry up and move on.

Any words of wisdom or support would be great, just in my feels today.

How did you get your identity/groove back?

(37f) single for the first time in 12+ years. I am realizing how much I have cultivated my life, decisions, and interests around my previous partner. I'm feeling very lost post divorce, and looking for stories/advice of those who found themselves again. I have hobbies, I stay active, and I seek out activities that fill my cup. But, I'm looking for more. I have never seen myself as others see me, and I want to embrace my next era and be like all the other amazing confident women out there. It's not about dating, but being post divorce I feel like a fish out of water. Any feedback, advice, support is welcome! Ty!