There's someone in my family (I don't know if I should say who, 'cause maybe I'm already gossipping), but this person is so occupied with Israel (Pro Israel), that it feels like an obsession. It seems like a virtuous thing, 'cause it's God's people, but I do believe it's becoming an idol.
He/she sends messages forward about Israel, shares news about Israel, goes to lectures about Israel, visits a rally, shares flyers about Israel... etc.
To be honest, two thoughts are going through my mind:
One, it starts to annoy me. Maybe because I feel forced to read the links and messages this person sends me.
And I was actually saved in July myself and as I was talking to this person about my faith, this person seemed worried about me, for taking my faith so seriously. And I almost wanted to say to this person that his/her thing with Israel is more dangerous. But lashing out about that will only harm him/her
I'm also a bit worried about this person's spiritual health. I mean: Is Jesus really his/her number one? Or is Israel more important?
But I'm not so sure if I'm more worried or more annoyed. So, if I would discuss this topic with him/her, I'm not sure if I would do it out of love.
But here's what makes it more difficult for me to talk to him about it. I've just been saved myself seven weeks ago. My love for other people is still growing. My love for my dad still has to grow too.
If I try to explain to him, that he believes the right facts, but that there's something missing... we might start to fight. And that's the opposite of what I want to try to accomplish.
I have a pretty good idea why my dad hasn't been saved yet, because I had the exact same problem. But my dad is 75 now, he has been like this his whole life. So, it will be hard for him to realize: 'Man... I think you might be right. I think I'm not born again yet.' He has produced every 'fruit' by himself. Kindness, patience, etc. And he believes this is what the gospel is. He thinks this is the Holy Spirit.
But the yoke my dad is carrying is very heavy. He can't let go of control, has to protect his ego when someone criticizes him and he hates other people when they are not like them, because that threatens his own self-worth
I know this seems like a lot of assumptions, but I've spent decades with him and I've lived my whole life (36 years) exactly like this. The reason is obvious to me now: I've been diagnosed with autism at age 17. But when I was young, I didn't believe I was allowed to be myself. I was more slow than others, I wasn't as social as I was supposed to be, etc. So, my younger self thought: I have to be different. So, I made myself bigger, to be accepted by others and accepted by myself. I started to become very prideful. Couldn't stand criticism, couldn't stand being interrupted, had to find my self-worth by seeking value from others, hated others when they were not like me. I believed in Jesus Christ and I believed He accepts sinners. But He wanted the true me, not the narcissistic person I had become.
This is exactly what I see with my dad. He hasn't been diagnosed, but I see many autism traits in him: He doesn't like changes very much, He's not as good in social settings, sometimes his mind is absent. He likes to be on his own. He has a few specific hobbies.
And I see the fake things that he does. But it's okay. He can't help it. And pointing it out to him will probably feel like an accusation to him.
The truth is: I believe that deep in his heart he doesn't trust God, because the people that he has had around him, probably expected more of him than he could do. They expected him to be faster, be more social, think faster, not forget things, be interested in other people... all that stuff. So, in his heart he probably believes that admitting something is extremely dangerous. The self-worth that he has built will be crushed.
There probably has never been someone in his life who has accepted the true him. And for over sixty years he's probably been living the life of someone that he wasn't. But he doesn't realize it.
And then there's also this: I have dinner with my parents every thursday. And now I don't know what to do. I feel like telling him this truth or even just trying to present him these things could make things worse.
But not saying anything while I'm having dinner there seems almost impossible now, because I cry a lot lately because of everything God is doing in my life. It's like I'm keeping this huge secret from my parents.
If anyone could provide some wisdom, I'd be so grateful. I just don't know what to do.
So, I recently got born again after a really long journey. I've thought about announcing this to my family, but there is some stuff that I can't ignore. Things I've said and done towards some people.
But there's also one person that I also might want to apologize to (it's my younger sister - 32) But the things that I said to her were a really long time ago. I believe it would be good to acknowledge what I've done. But at the same time I'm thinking: What if I bring those moments back to her memory?
The way she has treated me, makes me think she has already forgiven me, 'cause she's really kind to me. But if I go around telling everybody like 'I'm born again. Jesus saved my life. I'm so grateful for His mercy' and she would be like... "wait a minute? That's so easy. You just say Jesus saved you and now we're supposed to be okay?", then she would be totally right. That's unfair.
I don't believe she's like that though. We've laughed. We play games.
But yeah... it wasn't right what I said.
I believe I'm born again now and recently I start to think it would be good to ask for forgiveness to a certain person, because I haven't shown good behavior towards that person over a longer period of time. But there are some problems that could make it quite difficult.
My first problem is... am I really sorry? Or do I just know that it's wrong, but I don't really care?
The thing is... If I say sorry and they will ask me why I did that behavior then, I might reply very defensively or attack that person with: "Well, you were always doing..." such and such. Or: "You gave me the idea that I wasn't allowed to be myself, so I got insecure and that's why I acted that way".
And then it turns out I'm not really sorry at all.
I'm not 100 percent sure yet if I'm actually blaming myself for the things I've done and that I feel sorry for hurting the other person.
Another thing is that the other person might not completely understand being sorry and forgiveness. It looks like they either think things can't be forgiven or they think 'it doesn't matter'. Because I see they do the same kind of behaviour towards others.
Should I wait for a while to see if my repentance is genuine and if I'm really sorry about what I've done to that person?
So, I have a question about this famous story about Lazarus and the rich man. At some point in this story, the rich man says this:
^(27) “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, ^(28) for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’
But when I wasn't born again yet, I didn't love anyone at all. And if all things are from God, then that includes love, right?
So, my question is: If this rich man is in hell, why would he still want the best for his brothers? I thought in hell there will be only people who care about themselves. Maybe not because all non-believers are pure evil right now, but because everything they have, are gifts from God and they won't be experiencing those gifts in hell. That was at least what I concluded.
What are y'all's thoughts on this?
I believe I was born again last month and this is really something amazing. It’s not something I have to keep pushing through, and I don’t have to pretend to be happier for other people. After truly being saved, I just have this inner peace and a joy that can't be compared to anything. It's 'like' I don't need anything anymore. But forget about the 'like'. I really don't need anything now that I have Jesus.
But even before I was born I knew something was missing that other christians did have. But maybe others just don't meet that many genuine christians in their lives.
Recently I started to believe I'm actually born again. I thought something supernatural had happend. Now I'm not so sure anymore, but never mind about that. I do want to be a genuine christian.
So, the thing is: I really try to be a good christian, but I know that if I tell other christians about my choices and decisions, they will think or say I'm exagerating. At the same time I think they are just not very serious about their faith. I'm really insecure about everything I'm doing right now. I cancelled Netflix subscription, started to do bible study every day and I avoid X (Twitter) nowadays, 'cause I know I would just argue with everybody online.
Now I don't know if I'm really changing though. Am I not just simply avoiding life? I'm started think I'm not really changing and have to work really hard to not follow the patterns that I've always followed. With patterns I mean: Being lazy, always being afraid of other people and trying to make sure nobody is angry with me and that I don't feel their judgment about me (I have severe social anxiety). Maybe I'm just trying to prove to myself that I'm born again.
I'm on the autism spectrum and sometimes it's really difficult to not feel like an outcast, even among christians. I have a lot of anxiety too and overthink a lot of situations, so... I thought it would be good to meet peers.
I'm on the autism spectrum and sometimes it's really difficult to not feel like an outcast, even among christians. I have a lot of anxiety too and overthink a lot of situations, so... I thought it would be good to meet peers.
I'm on the autism spectrum and sometimes it's really difficult to not feel an outcast, even among other christians.
My sister and I (male, 36) are regularly in touch by text messages. But in my opinion this is way too often. It's always on her initiative, 'cause I already think we are in touch too often. It's suffocating and sometimes I already know what's going to come when I open my phone. I could of course tell her that, and I've done that several times in the past too. But she doesn't really 'feel' it, I think. She just doesn't get it. She doesn't get certain signals.
I've thought about this a lot lately. I've thought about what could be a solution, because I really don't like it. But it's not just that she texts me a lot. She also wants to take care of me, which is really not necessary. So, it's really the way she views me, that bothers me as well. For some reason she thinks she has to warn me for things or help me. I never ask for advice though.
One of the solutions I thought of, was just to go for a walk with her once in two weeks or something and not have texts during the weeks between those meetings, 'cause we both like to go walking. But I still think I wouldn't like it. And I also think that it will only invite her to still text a lot, because obviously she might forget her bag at my place or she might still want to come back to things we discussed during the walk...
And am I really the one who can decide that she's not allowed to text me?
Another solution would be to only speak on birthday parties until the end of this year. But maybe that's a bit too extreme.
Does anybody have any other suggestions?
It's really tough to even love him. It's as if he has build a wall around himself to protect himself from everything that threatens his self-created identity. The 'funny' thing is that I was just like him. So, I see his patterns. But my siblings don't see it. My mom doesn't see it either, even though she will admit that he has a bad temper and doesn't have much patience. But there's just more to it than that.
Anyway, it's all really complex. He's also getting older (he's in his seventies now), so this is also why I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure it's rooted so deeply. He grew up a decade after the second world war. His parents probably didn't have time for him and maybe didn't fully accept him, because there probably wasn't much time or they didn't know how to do all that. I'm thinking my dad had to be 'someone else' to be accepted and kept living like that.
A couple days ago, or maybe it's already a week ago, I asked a similar question and the answers were all 'yes'. And I also thought I was asking a rhetorical question.
Because obviously we have to love everyone, including non-christians. But I was wondering what the basis was for this. Was it because people are created in the image of God? I thought we all were.
But this week I saw a video from a pastor and he pointed out something interesting. It says in Genesis 5 the following:
3 Adam was 130 years old when he fathered a son in his likeness, according to his image, and named him Seth. -- Genesis 5:3 (CSB)
So, I guess this Bible verse means that people were no longer connected to God, but were like Adam. They had Adam's likeness in the sense that they tend to do evil. WE tend to do the evil, I should say.
But what does that tell us about people who are lost?
I always used to pray for meals because my parents raised me this way, but nowadays I only thank God during the day for things and sometimes that includes the meals that I had. But is it something mandatory or is everybody just copying each other, without knowing why they do it?
I do find the Bible interesting, but of course it’s not exactly a thrilling book, so if it doesn’t change me, I don’t feel a strong urge to read it. I know that what the Bible says is true, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve never felt like something really speaks to me or that I can do anything with it. I’ve felt strange as a person my whole life, and I also find it difficult to connect with other people.
I often notice that every little thing I do is out of fear for judgment of others or I feel pride to get affirmation for what I know or for what I've done.
Obviously, I know with my mind that everything I am is how God has made me.
But those are just words if I can't give Him the glory for the things I do.
I try to not avoid criticism (I can't stand criticism), I try to not look down on people and just listen to what they say, I try to be humble... but I'm not sure if it's changed even a little bit. About three weeks ago I thought I had some kind of supernatural experience in the sense that... I was suddenly aware that God loved me not for what I've done, but that he has always accepted me inspite of what I've done. And for the first time I felt some sort of conviction.
But now I don't know... Maybe I just wanted it to be true.
Sometimes I think I see little improvements. But later on I think my motives haven't changed at all and I'm still deeply insecure, but proud at the same time. And I'm still almost never at ease among people, 'cause I don't know my personality. So... I just don't know.
I might not be born again yet, so maybe that has something to do with it. But when I hear people talk about God or when I read in the Bible, I hear about all these great character traits like 'patience', 'loving', 'long suffering', 'kind', etc.
But I don't experience that at all in my daily life. How are you supposed to experience it when people are mostly cruel, unkind, harsh, impatient (even christians!).
I've been anxious since I was about 8 and now I'm in my late thirties. People say 'be yourself', but when you are yourself and ask questions, because you don't understand enough, because you're an autist, then they're quickly impatient. And when you don't understand certain social cues, they think you're rude, because you should've understood you were in the way. Or when you say a certain thing, they immediately assume you mean it in a bad way.
Where is God then? I get that people are sinful and imperfect. But how do I experience that perfect God who is never impatient and who is never unkind and who is only brutally honest if you were too foolish to listen?
I'm a man, in my thirties. I grew up in a christian home, but I'm certain I'm not born again. I know I should repent, but I don’t have any hatred for sin at all. I really want certain things, like sex, just watching football, and reading. I don’t have any spiritual desires. I’m also not interested in people and I simply don’t have love for them.
And sometimes, when I talk to others about my spiritual situation, I hear: “Yes, but you also don’t want it.” But is that meant as an accusation? What exactly are you blaming me for? Because those same people also say that only God can bring about repentance. How am I supposed to want something I don’t want? How am I supposed to change my own will if everything I want is sinful and not spiritual?
Sometimes I think: maybe I should just go to church anyway. Even if I can’t sing the songs because I don’t agree with them, and even if the sermons are mostly aimed at people who already believe. Maybe God will touch my heart there. But God resists the proud, and I feel like I’m constantly proud, so I don’t know if that will ever happen.
At the same time, I also struggle with the feeling that within Christian circles everything feels very effeminate. I don’t know if that’s true worldwide, but it definitely feels that way in the Netherlands: the way services are structured feels feminine, most Christian books are written by or for women, etc. So it doesn’t really feel like an attractive environment for me to become a Christian. And when something is more aimed at men, all I hear is “take responsibility.”
Anyway, if you read this, you might say: then just don’t become a Christian. God doesn’t force anyone. But I don’t want to go to hell. I also genuinely notice that I lack peace, rest, and joy, and that those things seem to only be found in Jesus. But it’s a mystery to me why I haven’t received that even after thousands of prayers.
And then some people might say again: “So you want God’s gifts, but you don’t want God Himself.”
Okay, that might actually be true. But is that also an accusation? For me it feels more like a conclusion I can draw about myself without being able to blame myself for it. It has always been like this, and I also don’t know how I could change it myself.
What am I supposed to do?