u/Aggravating_Rest_906

I truly need your advice!

Backstory: My BFF relocated to the USA about 3 years ago. We speak every week, we make sure to keep each other informed of our lives and we see each other at least 1x a year.

Around 1,5 years ago, my friend confessed to me that in their quest to build a new life and make friends they started using cocaine at parties. It was phrased as "not a big deal" and "everyone does it" ..

At that time, I leveraged all my influence and pull that I had to make them realize that a grown adult nearing their 40s(!) has no business doing cocaine what so ever.

And for the longest time, that seemed to be enough.. or so I thought.

Then this happened in the last 24 hours:

My friend is on a remote working trip in Brasil,

In a bizarre coincidental way, they shared a meme with me on instagram about drugs and I responded in quite a straight way with: You better keep that out out of your life.. to which they responded that they where...

fast-forward a few hours:

middle of the night for me, my phone starts to ring from a number I dont recognize and it keep on ringing. So at some some point I pick up and its my friend crying hysterically on the phone because they got robbed... (they are calling me using a random persons phone), they got injured, its a complete and total mess...

As the hysteria calls down a bit, I find out that they where doing " a lot of cocaine" and that they shouldn't have done that and because of that they got themselves in a lot of trouble etc etc...

And so whilst over the past few hours we got the situation fixed, got them a ticket home for tomorrow etc.. the emotion I feel, the disappointment I feel, the twist in my stomach that I feel that my friend...Whom I respect, look up to and love

I just cannot believe, nor understand, that cocaine has seemingly become a regular thing in this persons life, to the point where they travel they are looking to use it..

So what do I do? Can I do something? I know they respect their parents beyond anything else and I thought about speaking to them.. but I know that if I do and they find out: our friendships is completely over and done with..

What complicates things is that I was about to buy a ticket and spend vacation days to go and visit them.. and I feel TERRIBLY nervous that during my visit I might be put in a situation that I dont ever want to find myself in

If it was any other person there would be NO way, ever, Id get on a plane knowing drugs where an active part of their life...

So what do I do? Can I do something? Do I reach out the parents? Cancel my trip?

Do I do nothing and just remain a supportive friend from afar...

Please, if you have any idea, input... I truly value it

I have a friend that I am close with. Whilst we live in different countries we are not online friends. We actually meet in person, we visit each other etc and we are in talk to plan our next join vacation together.

My friend, whom I speak with a few times a week, has what I would consider by now a clear patter where I would like to have your opinion on.

The scenario:

My friend is planning a trip, to which I am not informed about. 1-2 days before the trip they will intensify the conversation with me. This means we basically talk throughout the entire day via WhatsApp. I am completely unaware that they are traveling, this is not a topic that they have shared with me. So I just perceive it as us talking throughout the entire day.

The intense conversation abrubly ends with them sending me a clear picture of them being at the airport, a picture of a gate, being in the lounge whatever...: They are leaving the country!

I will then always respond with: Your at the airport? Where are you going?

And then silence.. sometimes for days, sometimes even for the entire duration of the trip (up to 3 weeks) ... I do not exist. Left on read..

Then at the end of that trip, they will reactive the conversation, ignore my question and will send a picture of the destination that they are and then act like tis business as usual as they are returning back home.

This year, this has happened already 4 times, and is happening again, we we speak.

What makes this behavior even more dumb, is the idea that they are sharing their location with me, on Iphone. So I can see where they are, I know where they are.. to the point where I am not even sure they they are aware they are sharing their location with me... because why else play this I will tell you I am leaving but I wont tell you where I am game...

During the last trip, I called them out on it. They were returning from a trip and back at the airport (so they re-engage in conversation) I then said something to the extend of: well, let me know when you get home tonight.... Only to find out they never flew home but flew to the other side of the planet to start yet another trip...

And when I called them out on it, they tried to gaslight me into: wel you are not my mom, so I dont owe you anything...

And whilst I am drawing my conclusion because my friendship and my loyalty is not a off/on switch that you can pull whenever you feel like..

I am just trying to understand the psychology behind this. This is an educated person, very intelligent.. but my goodness... what games are they trying to play and why?

If you speak with someone, consider them a close friend why do you play this game?

I hope the above makes sense. To me, this is now a repeat pattern of behavior.. and I just dont get it. Why is so hard to just mention: Oh hey and btw im planning a trip to X. Or even if you wish to like have some "alone"" time be like: hey im planning a trip to x, will be unavailable for most of if during a week or so...

Someone, help me understand :)

Currently outside of the UAE, but former resident looking to return

Major UAE Organization
Manager Role
4 Rounds of interviews
3 I completely nailed, 1 so so (but luckily not with the hiring manager)

Recruiter very mush pushed me a long: quick quick, rush rush - we need to hire for this role like yesterday. Everything had to go fast fast and I showed ultimate flexibility to get the interviews done as soon s possible.

Post final interview it was silent for 2 weeks, I followed up and got a reply that interviews where still happening.

2 more weeks go by and get a pro-active email that there is a delay due to sickness

after that another week goes by where I ask for an update and then holidays is the excuse on why a decision has not yet been made.

Mean while at the time of writing we are about 6,5 weeks post final interview: recruiter still answers my emails (although with a few days delay) but each time there is another excuse and another deadline that then isnt kept. (Last one was.. on Monday we will make a hiring decisions... and then Monday comes and goes and nothing moves)

At this stage: I cannot tell if I am just a great #2 and I am being kept warm untill the preferred candidate has started or if this organization truly is this disorganized.

At the same time, my life keeps moving including interviews with other companies in my home country.

Am I wrong for writing the recruiter one last time asking him for a clear status update and timeline based on the fact that other companies are simply moving faster?

Id love some input on how to handle this because I NEED another role with this one being the ultimate preferred one, but if the one in my home countries come through, I am not in a position to just reject if I dont have a clear answer on this Dubai one. (This is not a senior enough role for any organization needing 6-10 weeks post interviews to decide lol)

What your experience in the UAE with major UAE organizations?

im a bit lost for words right now, need to share this with someone...so reddit it will be you!

Dating off an on for the past 6 months, last 3 months quite intensely

- Messaging every day
- phone calls a few times a week
- Planned dates
- Spontaneous dates

Him basically being available any time, any day...showing real interest in me and my life..

Today he messaged me asking if I was free and wanted to meet for drinks.

We spend 2 hours just talking, having a great time and then he proceeded to tell me that he has been in a committed relationship for the past 2.5 years, he isnt happy and that he views his current relationship more as like an arrangement he is stuck in....

I got up and left..

Why..

Can anyone tell me why any guy would do that?

Not only do I feel overwhelmed with disappointment, I also feel incredibly sad for the person who he is in a relationship with right now...

I ask myself... did I miss any signs? (Im sure I have - but im still processing lol)

I need to process this but I just wonder why.. whyyy does anyone think its ok to go out and start dating people if they are not single..