Struggling badly tonight. The Betrayer doesn’t understand that he killed our innocence with his affair. I very honestly told him I lost a little love for him as a result of his long affair. He didn’t love hearing that, but how didn’t he know this?! I’m flaming ball of rage this evening. Help
Stop sleeping with men. The patriarchy doesn’t deserve it.
My partner of 20+ years had a really ugly affair for six months. It was very emotional and physical. I’m attempting to let him do the work to reconcile, but I’m so hurt. Additionally, I never stooped to his level during our relationship. I find it unfair that he experienced someone else, and I think it’s fair I get to. It’s part of the reconciliation deal, but it’s hard because I’m demisexual. Has anyone demanded equality in cheating for reconciliation? If so, did it help or hurt your process?
So, isn’t reconciliation just us, the victims, gaslighting ourselves? Are there any therapists on this sub that can speak to this?
It’s the same thing, different political views. One is leftist. The other is conservative. Either way, the patriarchy benefits. Don’t fall for it.
We’re on month three of attempting reconciliation due to his highly brutal affair. He thought he was in love with her, and it was also physical. Lately, I’ve been angry and beyond depressed. I suppose the honeymoon is over. I read this happens quite a bit. Currently, I am wondering if I can forgive enough to make this work. Do I really want to do the work for something I didn’t break, therapy, etc. I’m sure it’s easier to walk away, but it’s more complicated than that. Anyway, we previously had a very innocent type of love and he didn’t like hearing that we can’t have that because he killed it. Innocence is gone once trust is broken. I’m just struggling so hard.
When the first person I truly trusted decided to have an affair, I wonder why they didn’t feel like they were breaking a sacred bond. I’m trying to understand why a conversation that might have been difficult wouldn’t have been better than shattering me. We’re trying to reconcile, but what an emotional rollercoaster of hell. Are there any success stories? Particularly interested in those who have had emotionally inappropriate affairs—saying “I love you,”etc.
Long time poster, new account. After being polybombed after a lengthy monogamous relationship, I’m trying to see if reconciliation can work. I was beyond livid and traumatized to find out that my trusted partner was having a six month affair with a mentally deranged, manipulative therapist. (Not his) He was having a crisis and she found a vulnerable person to exploit. Or so I think. aThat is my theory. I know she’s manipulative because she reached out to me in order to ask for permission for them to have a friendship. Obviously, she’s insane. Anyway, I keep finding out awful details of this affair. Particularly hurtful are things like: they were saying I love you, and cuddling. He wasn’t lacking that in our relationship. I just don’t know if I can forgive him enough to proceed. I told him that I will not waste my life hating him. There will be no relationship if I continue to ride this emotional roller coaster. Who has been there with the emotional roller coaster? Also, has anyone had success reconciling after experiencing deep anger and hatred for their “partner?”
Long time poster, new account. After being polybombed after a lengthy monogamous relationship, I’m trying to see if reconciliation can work. I was beyond livid and traumatized to find out that my trusted partner was having a six month affair with a mentally deranged, manipulative therapist. (Not his) He was having a crisis and she found a vulnerable person to exploit. Or so I think. aThat is my theory. I know she’s manipulative because she reached out to me in order to ask for permission for them to have a friendship. Obviously, she’s insane. Anyway, I keep finding out awful details of this affair. Particularly hurtful are things like: they were saying I love you, and cuddling. He wasn’t lacking that in our relationship. I just don’t know if I can forgive him enough to proceed. I told him that I will not waste my life hating him. There will be no relationship if I continue to ride this emotional roller coaster. Who has been there with the emotional roller coaster? Also, has anyone had success reconciling after experiencing deep anger and hatred for their “partner?”