Am I the jerk for saying goodbye to my best friend after she didn't contact me for seven months?
My best friend and I had been friends since 2010, so for about 16 years. Since 2022, we've been living in different countries, but we still texted each other every day until the summer of 2025.
Then something changed. She slowly started texting less and less, and whenever I asked her questions like, "What's new?" or "How are you doing?" she never really answered. Her replies were vague, and she never asked about me. Eventually, I realized I was always the one texting first and always the one calling.
The last message she sent me was on my birthday in November.
I decided to stop reaching out because I thought that if I gave her space, she would eventually text me first. But seven months passed, and I never heard a single word from her.
Waiting, hoping, asking, and never getting an answer became emotionally exhausting. My heart couldn't take it anymore.
So on July 1st, which is her birthday, I sent her this message:
«"Hi! Happy 30th birthday! I wish you all the very best and hope your life is filled with as many happy moments and as much positivity as possible.
But... this will probably be my last message to you.
It hurts so much, and it's heartbreaking to lose a friendship that has lasted more than 15 years. But when only one person is constantly trying to keep the relationship alive while the other does nothing, it becomes exhausting over time.
I kept waiting to hear from you. I was always the one to text first and ask how you were doing. I kept telling myself that you probably just had a lot going on, which was why you weren't replying. But when seven months passed without a single word from you, I realized that I had apparently just stopped existing in your life.
It hurt me deeply. I cried a lot, and it took me a long time to accept it, but I realized it was time to let go. I don't want to keep tormenting myself with these feelings or continue holding on to a friendship that I'm trying to preserve on my own.
I sincerely wish you all the very best in life. And if one day you decide to write to me, I'll always be happy to hear from you. But from my side, I won't keep holding on anymore, and I'm ready to let go of everything I've invested so much of myself in over all these years.
Thank you for a friendship that lasted more than 15 years. Despite everything, I will always remember it with warmth.
Be happy."»
Her only reply was:
«"Thank you, and I wish you all the best too."»
That response shocked me so much that I'm still crying.
So, am I the jerk for ending this friendship?