u/Agreeable-Pepper-960

I was always slightly overweight as a child, especially in the face; I still have quite a baby face this very day. Now I’m 22M, 5”7 and currently weighing 144lbs. I never weighed myself when I was heavier in 2022-2024 but the fat around the belly and face was very noticeable. My consistency with gym during uni was diabolical as I was still eating tons, not getting enough, and drinking tons of alcohol every weekend.

My motivation to lose weight is sadly rather external; it’s to get others around me to like me, platonically, romantically, and sexually. I’m not attractive still despite having lost weight, as I still don’t have a lean face and there’s a slight amount of belly fat I want to turn into abs. I still have a double chin when my face is at certain angles, and it makes me embarrassed when I look at it at photos. I don’t have a physique that makes me fit into any friend group. If I was more good looking, I would probably be perceived as quirky rather than flat out annoying and draining, as my interests are deep and passionate (I’m autistic btw).

My progress is noticeable, but I’m still not near the end of my journey, I’ve been consistent for the last couple months now. I track my calories for every piece of food or drink, in which my parents say I’m too obsessed with it, yet they were also the ones who told me I was fat as a child, now they’re saying I don’t need to lose any more weight; the switch up is crazy.

I just need to find a way to want to go to the gym for myself, want to calorie deficit for myself, want to get healthy for myself. I just feel like I’m always doing everything in life to get validation and approval from others.

I’m 22M, and ever since childhood to becoming an adult, my dad and I have never gotten along properly. I can’t remember too many positive moments with him in my childhood. He walked out on my mum and I when I was around 5, and I only used to see him on weekends. His dad also left him when he was young and I always get the same BS excuse from my mum and stepmum that “he’s just trying to be a good dad; he cares about you”. Strangely, my mum used to despise him after the split and would take my side if he was mad at me, but now she takes a more neutral stance and sees us both as the problem. She says he has anger he can’t control and that I’m disobedient.

He has never physically hurt me, but the amount of verbal abuse I’d face has stunted my growth. There would be constant scolding, yelling and even screaming directed at me when I did the most minor thing wrong. Doing homework was dreadfully painful; if my handwriting was bad, he’d get mad, if I smudged the writing, he’d get mad. He would always sarcastically say how homework would ruin our time together yet he wasn’t willing to help me out properly with it.

Whenever we used to go out with family friends (usually cinema, bowling, or beach), all would be well, until I did something wrong and he’d scream at me in public in front of everyone and the family friends. I would cry and he’d do nothing about it, then got all questionable when I went silent and moody on him. The only time I can remember when he came to my help was when another kid was being rude to me and pushed me off a swing, but I think this was to boost his ego and make him look heroic rather than my own safety.

As I became a teen, he didn’t yell at anymore and this was instead replaced with sarcasm and criticism. He’d only ever get mad if I didn’t do something that could’ve impacted my future, such as not revising for exams properly, not doing my coursework properly, not handing my uni choices in in time, and not applying for jobs.

The aforementioned family friends have such a healthy dynamic and relationship with one another and the parents are so laid back, and I once said to him “why aren’t we like that” and his response was “because you’re a bad behaved child”. Looking back, I wish I could’ve said “no, you’re a bad behaved dad”.

When I went to uni, I would always call my mum but never my dad. He’d always reach out and I just chose to ignore him, and then he’d get mad I didn’t call back, yet I don’t think he has ever considered all the shit he used to do and say to me that could’ve caused me to lightly cut contact with him. He came to see me once and embarrassed me in front of my flatmates and friends with his snark, which hurt me. If he ever asked how uni was, I’d just say “fine” and leave it there because everything I told him would always turn into a big fat lecture; he got mad when I explained about a bad grade I got for a piece of work, and after I just used to BS to keep him calm. It genuinely felt like walking on eggshells.

Then he’d get upset because I never told him anything. He was crying on the phone because he said he could never tell his friends about how I’m doing and said I clearly don’t give a shit (in my mind this was true but I didn’t want to say that). He doesn’t even know any of my uni friends because I never told him, but I’ve told them everything about him, and even they disliked what they heard.

Nowadays, I feel like he’s only happy when I’m successful, like when I get a new job, get a girlfriend/boyfriend, make a friend, lose weight etc. He doesn’t care about my hobbies or interests. I tried to talk to him about some graphic designs I was making, and he didn’t seem to really care and just skipped the convo to something about my future.

I deliberately will make myself busy (or just make stuff up) so I don’t have to see him. Last time I actually spent the night over at his was Christmas, in which he didn’t even get me presents that befit my interests, because again, he doesn’t care about that.

This whole relationship is why I’m so desperate for validation from external sources, such as friends, and I really don’t have many at the moment, and I’m constantly chasing after them for approval and desire for connection. I just feel like a wreck at the moment. I can overshare every detail with anyone I meet in my life, but not my dad, because they’ll always be a bad follow-up to it.

After finally having the guts to cut off people who clearly didn’t value me, I became a very lonely person during 2025, and found myself at my absolute loneliest during the summer and I just didn’t know what to do with myself.

I decided to follow the generic textbook advice to join hobby/interest groups and have heard great success stories out of these suggestions, however, in my case, it has just given me more acquaintances rather than friends. I have been attending stuff since autumn 2025 and there’s no one who considers me a friend and would want me in their life.

The meet-ups during the time are very fun, and I get to socialise and meet new people, or talk to the same people I see again and again, but once we’re away, my phone is DEAD silent, and will only be active if I initiate a convo with someone; this is something that happened with previous friendships where it would always be me making the effort and get nothing back, and so I just give up. What’s odd is that these are also the same people who will say in-person that I’m funny, great to be around, and suggest to meet up outside; I think this seems to be common courtesy rather than genuine interest.

It really sucks twice as hard because many of these groups are built on shared interests/age ranges; I go to a dodgeball group, a film-buff group, an ADHD group, a graphic design group and a 20s-30s group, but I just can’t cross the threshold from acquaintance to friend.

Someone at the film group who I’ve known for almost half a year recently had a birthday party and invited practically everyone except me, even people who have only gone to one or two events, so maybe I’m not a truly a good person to be around.

I literally don’t understand why it takes me months, potentially years even, for someone to be my friend, but others it can days a few weeks, and they’re best friends. It really stings.