Dating advice, 27F and 32M, what will happen if sex is paused?
I was dating a man for one month I’m 27F and he was 32M. We got along so well and had amazing chemistry, we slept together twice which I don’t normally do at the beginning, (2nd or 3rd date in) but I explained that it felt right in the moment because there was a connection. After the second time I said I wanted to pause having sex because I enjoyed spending time with him and I didn’t want to rush things, he said thanks for letting him know and he enjoys spending time with me too and he didn’t want to ruin it, we told each other we were both looking for long term relationships.
After that, we met up again and had a nice evening, but he initiated sex and we slept together. After this I said I’d like to slow things down because I like him but it was getting too intense and I end up getting emotionally attached which I wanted to slow at this stage, he said that emotional attachment is the point of dating, and that he connects better when sex is involved. After this I said we should slow things down that we should talk to other people. He said that’s okay but that he was confused, however the next day he said he’s not comfortable with seeing other people (understandably) and said he can’t get close to someone who’s talking to others and that it’s ok if I don’t want to see him anymore but also said he would never turn down seeing me again. I said that if we were to be exclusive then we would need to slow sex down because it was happening too quickly. He said he can’t compromise on this because he connects with sex, explaining that he likes spending time with me a lot and complimenting me but then said it wouldn’t work. We nearly broke up, and then I reflected and said I made a mistake about going non-exclusive and that I just freaked out about the pace of things and I’d like to try again and be physical too and let things happen naturally, he said he’d be happy to try again.
After that, he suggested meeting up and we did, we had a really nice evening where it was warm and chemistry was back and we slept together again. However after, he became a bit distant over message and he didn’t plan to make new dates or meet up and the replies were longer (after 3-4 days) I tried to ask if he was okay and he said he doesn’t want us to overanalyse every message, then after his replies (over 3-4 days) were distant I said that I’m actually not ok with having sex before commitment due to the way things were feeling one-sided in effort and that it compromises my values, I said our dating styles are different and I enjoy what we have but I’d rather be honest. He said he agrees and that he doesn’t think it will work and the distance of our location was too far (90 miles). He said we should stop dating but also said I was kind and caring and that I’ll meet someone who suits me better and we broke up.
TL;DR
I guess I’m just struggling with it all. I’m 27 and I haven’t felt like this about someone in a long time, and we both agreed on the first few days and weeks that we felt like we’d known each other for ages. The chemistry and attraction was so strong, I’m worried that I ruined things by saying I can’t have sex before commitment and by saying we should talk to other people and if that confused him. But the whole point was to relieve pressure and because I wanted to slow things down, not because I wasn’t happy with the way things were going (I explained this to him at the time). I’m not sure if anyone has experienced something similar, or know if he’s likely to change his mind in the future?