u/Agreeable_Dress137

I just snapped once again and masturbated to porn. And whilst I was in the middle of doing it I came to the kind of horrible realisation of why I think I can't seem to quit and why I always fall back into it.

I think it's simply down to the fact that I haven't found anything that feels quite like it or that can scratch the itch that only porn seems to be able to do. I'm 23 almost 24 and I've been using it for a good 12 13 years and I can't seem to think of something that makes me feel so alive and stimulate me as much. I've never been this explicit and vulnerable but I guess I have to make the most of the anonymity, but nothing hits the same as watching porn. The endless amount of options, taking your time, watching whatever you want and especially wherever you want, I've watched porn and masturbated to it in the absolute worst of places because of how the addiction has a choke hold on me. Public bathrooms, at work, at friend's houses, in the car whilst driving you name it I've done it.

Nothing makes me feels as much as when I give in to this addiction.

I can watch as much motivation videos, try and control my urges as much as possible, try and occupy myself, it always comes back and ends up triumphant in the end I just can't shake it. It gets to a point where whilst I'm doing it, I know it'd a bad thing, I know I shouldn't be doing it but that almost makes me do it even more because I tell myself "you shouldn't be doing it so make the most of the fsct that you're doing it" or even sometimes like this most recent time that has made me write this post, I was keeping in mind a quote that I read the other day about giving in to pleasure, short term pleasure especially is the worst thing you can do yadayadaya I can't remember the exact quote but laing those ligns and even with that in mind, I still continue to do it.

On the flip side things, nothing has made me feel as shit as porn and masturbation. I've lost girlfriends over this genuinely it's fucked, I almost lost my current relationship over it but I promised I'd stop but I can't and I can't bring myself to admit it to her because I feel it deep that she doesn't understand it. It's made me question my life, question what I'm doing, regret my life, made me feel like I'm throwing away my potential, numbing myself because I don't know what else to do and lack a purpose, the list goes on.

I consider myself quite a smart and intelligent guy, I've always been told u think outside the box and seem like a bright young lad, but this ever looming shadow always drags me back and I can't shake it, no matter how bad it makes me feel and how bad I know it is for my brain, my ambitions, my relationships all the rest of it. I can't seem to give it up. Always "one last time", "watch that video that you loved again", "no one will know it's fine", "just do it quick it doesn't count" it's insane I'm in an eternal hell hole of a loop.

No matter how bad I know it is, my urges can't seem to forget how good it feels too. I spend all my time convincing myself this is bad this is bad when I thin kthe real problem is that I'm trying to lie to myself that it isn't good because in reality it feels fucking amazing IN THE MOMENT. In that moment, nothing else matters, in that slight moment I no longer feel anxious about my life or ambitions or worry about my current relationship issues.

All of this to say and I hope someone read all of this it really would mean a lot even though if be surprised if they did lol is to try and admit to myself to stop trying to lie to myself that it's bad bad bad when I know deep down the reason I do it, is because it feels good and maybe that's the key to finally break the cycle, is to admit why I actually do it and then work backwards from there.

Thank you for reading what I have to say, if anyone wants to chat whether someone going through the same thing or someone that has previously gone through it, I'm all ears I feel kind of hopeless in the sense of it feels impossible to break the loop

I just snapped once again and masturbated to porn. And whilst I was in the middle of doing it I came to the kind of horrible realisation of why I think I can't seem to quit and why I always fall back into it.

I think it's simply down to the fact that I haven't found anything that feels quite like it or that can scratch the itch that only porn seems to be able to do. I'm 23 almost 24 and I've been using it for a good 12 13 years and I can't seem to think of something that makes me feel so alive and stimulate me as much. I've never been this explicit and vulnerable but I guess I have to make the most of the anonymity, but nothing hits the same as watching porn. The endless amount of options, taking your time, watching whatever you want and especially wherever you want, I've watched porn and masturbated to it in the absolute worst of places because of how the addiction has a choke hold on me. Public bathrooms, at work, at friend's houses, in the car whilst driving you name it I've done it.

Nothing makes me feels as much as when I give in to this addiction.

I can watch as much motivation videos, try and control my urges as much as possible, try and occupy myself, it always comes back and ends up triumphant in the end I just can't shake it. It gets to a point where whilst I'm doing it, I know it'd a bad thing, I know I shouldn't be doing it but that almost makes me do it even more because I tell myself "you shouldn't be doing it so make the most of the fsct that you're doing it" or even sometimes like this most recent time that has made me write this post, I was keeping in mind a quote that I read the other day about giving in to pleasure, short term pleasure especially is the worst thing you can do yadayadaya I can't remember the exact quote but laing those ligns and even with that in mind, I still continue to do it.

On the flip side things, nothing has made me feel as shit as porn and masturbation. I've lost girlfriends over this genuinely it's fucked, I almost lost my current relationship over it but I promised I'd stop but I can't and I can't bring myself to admit it to her because I feel it deep that she doesn't understand it. It's made me question my life, question what I'm doing, regret my life, made me feel like I'm throwing away my potential, numbing myself because I don't know what else to do and lack a purpose, the list goes on.

I consider myself quite a smart and intelligent guy, I've always been told u think outside the box and seem like a bright young lad, but this ever looming shadow always drags me back and I can't shake it, no matter how bad it makes me feel and how bad I know it is for my brain, my ambitions, my relationships all the rest of it. I can't seem to give it up. Always "one last time", "watch that video that you loved again", "no one will know it's fine", "just do it quick it doesn't count" it's insane I'm in an eternal hell hole of a loop.

No matter how bad I know it is, my urges can't seem to forget how good it feels too. I spend all my time convincing myself this is bad this is bad when I thin kthe real problem is that I'm trying to lie to myself that it isn't good because in reality it feels fucking amazing IN THE MOMENT. In that moment, nothing else matters, in that slight moment I no longer feel anxious about my life or ambitions or worry about my current relationship issues.

All of this to say and I hope someone read all of this it really would mean a lot even though if be surprised if they did lol is to try and admit to myself to stop trying to lie to myself that it's bad bad bad when I know deep down the reason I do it, is because it feels good and maybe that's the key to finally break the cycle, is to admit why I actually do it and then work backwards from there.

Thank you for reading what I have to say, if anyone wants to chat whether someone going through the same thing or someone that has previously gone through it, I'm all ears I feel kind of hopeless in the sense of it feels impossible to break the loop

I just snapped once again and masturbated to porn. And whilst I was in the middle of doing it I came to the kind of horrible realisation of why I think I can't seem to quit and why I always fall back into it.

I think it's simply down to the fact that I haven't found anything that feels quite like it or that can scratch the itch that only porn seems to be able to do. I'm 23 almost 24 and I've been using it for a good 12 13 years and I can't seem to think of something that makes me feel so alive and stimulate me as much. I've never been this explicit and vulnerable but I guess I have to make the most of the anonymity, but nothing hits the same as watching porn. The endless amount of options, taking your time, watching whatever you want and especially wherever you want, I've watched porn and masturbated to it in the absolute worst of places because of how the addiction has a choke hold on me. Public bathrooms, at work, at friend's houses, in the car whilst driving you name it I've done it.

Nothing makes me feels as much as when I give in to this addiction.

I can watch as much motivation videos, try and control my urges as much as possible, try and occupy myself, it always comes back and ends up triumphant in the end I just can't shake it. It gets to a point where whilst I'm doing it, I know it'd a bad thing, I know I shouldn't be doing it but that almost makes me do it even more because I tell myself "you shouldn't be doing it so make the most of the fsct that you're doing it" or even sometimes like this most recent time that has made me write this post, I was keeping in mind a quote that I read the other day about giving in to pleasure, short term pleasure especially is the worst thing you can do yadayadaya I can't remember the exact quote but laing those ligns and even with that in mind, I still continue to do it.

On the flip side things, nothing has made me feel as shit as porn and masturbation. I've lost girlfriends over this genuinely it's fucked, I almost lost my current relationship over it but I promised I'd stop but I can't and I can't bring myself to admit it to her because I feel it deep that she doesn't understand it. It's made me question my life, question what I'm doing, regret my life, made me feel like I'm throwing away my potential, numbing myself because I don't know what else to do and lack a purpose, the list goes on.

I consider myself quite a smart and intelligent guy, I've always been told u think outside the box and seem like a bright young lad, but this ever looming shadow always drags me back and I can't shake it, no matter how bad it makes me feel and how bad I know it is for my brain, my ambitions, my relationships all the rest of it. I can't seem to give it up. Always "one last time", "watch that video that you loved again", "no one will know it's fine", "just do it quick it doesn't count" it's insane I'm in an eternal hell hole of a loop.

No matter how bad I know it is, my urges can't seem to forget how good it feels too. I spend all my time convincing myself this is bad this is bad when I thin kthe real problem is that I'm trying to lie to myself that it isn't good because in reality it feels fucking amazing IN THE MOMENT. In that moment, nothing else matters, in that slight moment I no longer feel anxious about my life or ambitions or worry about my current relationship issues.

All of this to say and I hope someone read all of this it really would mean a lot even though if be surprised if they did lol is to try and admit to myself to stop trying to lie to myself that it's bad bad bad when I know deep down the reason I do it, is because it feels good and maybe that's the key to finally break the cycle, is to admit why I actually do it and then work backwards from there.

Thank you for reading what I have to say, if anyone wants to chat whether someone going through the same thing or someone that has previously gone through it, I'm all ears I feel kind of hopeless in the sense of it feels impossible to break the loop

I just snapped once again and masturbated to porn. And whilst I was in the middle of doing it I came to the kind of horrible realisation of why I think I can't seem to quit and why I always fall back into it.

I think it's simply down to the fact that I haven't found anything that feels quite like it or that can scratch the itch that only porn seems to be able to do. I'm 23 almost 24 and I've been using it for a good 12 13 years and I can't seem to think of something that makes me feel so alive and stimulate me as much. I've never been this explicit and vulnerable but I guess I have to make the most of the anonymity, but nothing hits the same as watching porn. The endless amount of options, taking your time, watching whatever you want and especially wherever you want, I've watched porn and masturbated to it in the absolute worst of places because of how the addiction has a choke hold on me. Public bathrooms, at work, at friend's houses, in the car whilst driving you name it I've done it.

Nothing makes me feels as much as when I give in to this addiction.

I can watch as much motivation videos, try and control my urges as much as possible, try and occupy myself, it always comes back and ends up triumphant in the end I just can't shake it. It gets to a point where whilst I'm doing it, I know it'd a bad thing, I know I shouldn't be doing it but that almost makes me do it even more because I tell myself "you shouldn't be doing it so make the most of the fsct that you're doing it" or even sometimes like this most recent time that has made me write this post, I was keeping in mind a quote that I read the other day about giving in to pleasure, short term pleasure especially is the worst thing you can do yadayadaya I can't remember the exact quote but laing those ligns and even with that in mind, I still continue to do it.

On the flip side things, nothing has made me feel as shit as porn and masturbation. I've lost girlfriends over this genuinely it's fucked, I almost lost my current relationship over it but I promised I'd stop but I can't and I can't bring myself to admit it to her because I feel it deep that she doesn't understand it. It's made me question my life, question what I'm doing, regret my life, made me feel like I'm throwing away my potential, numbing myself because I don't know what else to do and lack a purpose, the list goes on.

I consider myself quite a smart and intelligent guy, I've always been told u think outside the box and seem like a bright young lad, but this ever looming shadow always drags me back and I can't shake it, no matter how bad it makes me feel and how bad I know it is for my brain, my ambitions, my relationships all the rest of it. I can't seem to give it up. Always "one last time", "watch that video that you loved again", "no one will know it's fine", "just do it quick it doesn't count" it's insane I'm in an eternal hell hole of a loop.

No matter how bad I know it is, my urges can't seem to forget how good it feels too. I spend all my time convincing myself this is bad this is bad when I thin kthe real problem is that I'm trying to lie to myself that it isn't good because in reality it feels fucking amazing IN THE MOMENT. In that moment, nothing else matters, in that slight moment I no longer feel anxious about my life or ambitions or worry about my current relationship issues.

All of this to say and I hope someone read all of this it really would mean a lot even though if be surprised if they did lol is to try and admit to myself to stop trying to lie to myself that it's bad bad bad when I know deep down the reason I do it, is because it feels good and maybe that's the key to finally break the cycle, is to admit why I actually do it and then work backwards from there.

Thank you for reading what I have to say, if anyone wants to chat whether someone going through the same thing or someone that has previously gone through it, I'm all ears I feel kind of hopeless in the sense of it feels impossible to break the loop

I just can't seem to stop with this addiction. Everytime I'm doing it for the right reasons and I convince myself of it being the last time, every single time I start to feel down or I'm feeling anxious, stressed or whatever it feels like I kind of look for the temptation so that I can do it and I don't get why I can't back away from it. I have a girlfriend with who I have an active sex life and yet I can't stop doing this it feels so hardwired in my brain and like I'm completely on autopilot I genuinely lose control of what I'm doing it's horrible. I sometimes get the thought of it's because I'm deeply unsatisfied in my life but then everytime it happens it kind of sends me down a hole of regret and self hate. Always the same blueprint, I'll manage for a good 7-8 days, around then I'll have a temptation something as stupid as an Instagram reel or YouTube short ad with a girl in it and bam I'm on autopilot and before I realise it's too late. And once I break that 7-8 day streak like I jusy did a day ago I kind of allow myself to relapse multiple times in that day and the next day almost as a "well you failed so make the most of it"

I don't know what to do

I just can't seem to stop with this addiction. Everytime I'm doing it for the right reasons and I convince myself of it being the last time, every single time I start to feel down or I'm feeling anxious, stressed or whatever it feels like I kind of look for the temptation so that I can do it and I don't get why I can't back away from it. I have a girlfriend with who I have an active sex life and yet I can't stop doing this it feels so hardwired in my brain and like I'm completely on autopilot I genuinely lose control of what I'm doing it's horrible. I sometimes get the thought of it's because I'm deeply unsatisfied in my life but then everytime it happens it kind of sends me down a hole of regret and self hate. Always the same blueprint, I'll manage for a good 7-8 days, around then I'll have a temptation something as stupid as an Instagram reel or YouTube short ad with a girl in it and bam I'm on autopilot and before I realise it's too late. And once I break that 7-8 day streak like I jusy did a day ago I kind of allow myself to relapse multiple times in that day and the next day almost as a "well you failed so make the most of it"

I don't know what to do

I just can't seem to stop with this addiction. Everytime I'm doing it for the right reasons and I convince myself of it being the last time, every single time I start to feel down or I'm feeling anxious, stressed or whatever it feels like I kind of look for the temptation so that I can do it and I don't get why I can't back away from it. I have a girlfriend with who I have an active sex life and yet I can't stop doing this it feels so hardwired in my brain and like I'm completely on autopilot I genuinely lose control of what I'm doing it's horrible. I sometimes get the thought of it's because I'm deeply unsatisfied in my life but then everytime it happens it kind of sends me down a hole of regret and self hate. Always the same blueprint, I'll manage for a good 7-8 days, around then I'll have a temptation something as stupid as an Instagram reel or YouTube short ad with a girl in it and bam I'm on autopilot and before I realise it's too late. And once I break that 7-8 day streak like I jusy did a day ago I kind of allow myself to relapse multiple times in that day and the next day almost as a "well you failed so make the most of it"

I don't know what to do

I made it to just about a month but stresses with my girlfriend led me to succomb to my urges to use porn to comfort myself and it still remains my go to to try and numb myself whenever I feel overwhelmed. It has nothing sexual to do with it and is more about being able to get that dopamine hit and disassociate form myself. I promised her I wouldn't relapse, but here I am... I'm disappointed in myself and it's a wake up call that I need to engage in here to try and talk to people with similar problems not just people around me who are supportive but people who truly understand it because they are going through the same thing. I used to tell her (my gf) when I'd fail and break but I feel that that only put pressure on myself even more. I don't want to use it as an excuse of "I'm doing it behind her back" or that I'm escaping responsibility but I want to get through this with my other support systems like my therapist and friends and family. Seeing the nature of the topic and what she expressed about this topic, I think it'll do more harm than good to her and me if I continue sharing it with her which is why I'm here today sharing it here with you guys

I will get better

I made it to just about a month but stresses with my girlfriend led me to succomb to my urges to use porn to comfort myself and it still remains my go to to try and numb myself whenever I feel overwhelmed. It has nothing sexual to do with it and is more about being able to get that dopamine hit and disassociate form myself. I promised her I wouldn't relapse, but here I am... I'm disappointed in myself and it's a wake up call that I need to engage in here to try and talk to people with similar problems not just people around me who are supportive but people who truly understand it because they are going through the same thing. I used to tell her (my gf) when I'd fail and break but I feel that that only put pressure on myself even more. I don't want to use it as an excuse of "I'm doing it behind her back" or that I'm escaping responsibility but I want to get through this with my other support systems like my therapist and friends and family. Seeing the nature of the topic and what she expressed about this topic, I think it'll do more harm than good to her and me if I continue sharing it with her which is why I'm here today sharing it here with you guys

I will get better