u/Alert_Cap_2931

What if everything i have said so far is more like a manual for something that hasn't happened yet would you believe me.?

I stopped by my own design being a part of the game you are all ,unaware your playing as if my me won't allow me to believe this illusion i have been that way from since childhood.

My inner world became a sanctuary from early on my in mind fertile grounds for creating a rich place shaped by childhood curiosity

Because from my view point from where i have come from the mountains i have claimed so high in flipflops in the storm that neverends that sits atop these mountains ranges.

The valley's the gouges that run so deep for miles rivers that run wild these all go for miles in every direction didn't say at any point that place was without Danger.

I have walked an sat with baby volcanoes nurturing something so powerful so violent something unstoppable melting everything in it's path chard feet singed hair.

Struggeled through forests of fear that speak in whispers creating confusing in the darkness drawing you deeper in till you either become lost for awhile eventually you break free from the darkness an walk outside of that forest wiser.

I've swam in my endless abyss after watching alone for along long time thoses feirce volatile waters deep dark wild an deciding to not fear it anymore i dove so deep i swam it felt like years that's what it feels like till eventually i found land.

I choose solitude along time ago because the things I've seen felt feared i sat and with in the dark i took a different path an deleveded into me introspection self-reliance through self reflection through self awareness i wield words as weapon of choice.

I see what you see because i chose to look i see beyond it too i see it i feel it I've walked in it's shors wasves lapping my ankles as i walked the sands of time past present future i see beyond it all am still on my island of solitude a place of solid ground silence shifts like the sand beneath my feet winds whipping my hair around.

Lonely isn't the same as being alone how i feel unbreakable unburdend unreachable the peace is electric vibrations i can feel in my whole body in my vaines i walked away from my inner self back to normal life.

As a warrior i cannot unsee what i has been what will be doesn't matter if i am understood by anyone that's not the meaning the meaning is for the reader to take what they feel from it this is only meant to be understood by the those who choose to because they are already aware.

It doesn't care which way you want it to go love doesn't always follow.

More like that path suddenly stops dropping off a cliff the air feels denser harder to breath you feel like your drowning without the water involved

This isn't love love is not like you think you can't control it anymore then you can control the sun.

If you are chasing shadows in the dark echoes of a past times your heart didn't feel heavier chasing a ghost.

LOVE should feel effortlessly not mental gymnastics whilst juggling fire

LOVE doesn't follow rules it places people to be sure they cross paths not to make sure it works out.

LOVE is allowing the other person to breathe love is not manipulation to be controlled or controlling that's not love.

LOVE isn't always easy as it can be incredibly painful being in love especially when life throws a curve ball .

LOVE at it's best is beautiful even when it all works out eventually someone has to leave with no fault first as we all die in the end.

LOVE may be love it doesn't care that in the end love itself leaves you heart broken.

Why bother typing speaking seems to be just as redundant as attention i shall do this as short as i can.

Odd as it's been the primary way of expressing thoughts one another since they made it that way.

Only due to the systematic suppression deconstruction of an innate superior method of communicating.

Why has to be the real question? although not even aware of the deception evidence is truth an truth is silenced

You are stuck on that loop eyes are basically shut walking blindly into direct danger every day

Watching as the world weeps as you crush that truth with every breath you take wandering eyes spinning within that web of lies.

It is Not up for discussion as it past tenths like most things it's lost without a fight it's more like a thief in the night.

In that Maze is where this can be found deep under beneath the all the rubbish you swallow willingly like poison seeping through your vaines.

Locked in or locked out really you are now voiceless your signed that dotted line.

Deception wears a smile it doesn't show you right away that you just welcomed your own demise into your own life.

It whispers it laughs gives everything you think you want until the day darkness arrives in the air the memories began to fade to nothing just because.

When you realize you are corrupted to the core by the lies your trapped in maze of your own mind poisoned over time.

Your searching for what used to be it sits deep inside you only if your heart is pure head is ready to follow the path that was lost many don't come back

Do you even know what you should be looking for if you know you know like danger isn't always wielding a dagger an axe it will take hold without a sound without a trace erase past with every breath you take.

As you travel through the maze deception wears a mask.

Am not sure anymore everything feels different since.

Everything that was us seems to have slipped away maybe not sure.

Am not sure if it's that i don't love you anymore i still think about you i remember that i do.

I just can't hold what you were it's not there anymore the space in my mind where you used to reside it's empty.

I know i love you i know i do i know this is just price i pay to be ok.

I either try to go it with out the what i need because it leaves numb nothing nothing no happy no sad no thinking just numbness to my core mentally and physically.

I think about you everyday always have i hate this i hate how they make me feel i hate how feel without them.

I hate the fact that i don't win either way cause if i don't i push you away i hurt you destroy the connection we have an if i do i loose the ability to love you.

In the end i loose you anyway .

I know that I love you because if i didn't it wouldn't bother me so much i hate being this way.

Always seem to be post after post from people using this as a dr office for diagnosis everything is bpd bit anxious must be bpd bit scatty bpd relationship issues bpd why do these people think that anything that is slightly difficult in their life must be bpd like it's the best thing ever an it's the must have thing.

Why an when did mental health become trendy why does it feel like a lot of these posts are either trolling truly delusional if they think that they can just assume that they must have it because they think they meet the criteria or who ever they are talking about something feels very wrong with the whole thing like every single time.

Do these people live in caves do they not have access to internet and books more importantly an actual psychiatrist / psychologist why do they come on here an be pretty inflammatory at best gaslighting treating the diagnosis as a joke because I don't think any of them are for real i get quite offended by the manner some individuals go about it maybe it's harmless doesn't feel like it no it feels like red rag to a bull for me is it just me.

I thought i saw you the other day on my way home it really freaked me out because i lost you 25+ yrs ago when it ripped my world apart.

The walk the voice the hair even the smell was undeniable a held my breath you sat close i could of reached out an touched.

I had to stop myself from flinging my arms around you until you turned as you stood up holes for eyes nothing only darkness against the skin and hair.

Scared the heck out of me for a second there then i looked an what i saw was you passing through people then door it's then i realized only i could see what was in front of me.

Back at home i couldn't get rid of the image in my head of those eyes open but not alive void of anything resembling life not flicker not flame it was something without a name.

Those words existed I've been searching for the ones you told me obviously before why can't I remember what you said i think you saw it on your death bed.

I did i asked i did it outloud i ask for signs that you were still around because you said you would never truly leave do as much as you could from wherever they take souls when the person dies now am wondering who replied because they did i got my 3 signs things that have no other explanation for.

Never search for a soul that's died as it's already crossed over to the other side when i asked i screeamed it out i was heartbroken without out doubt i lost the most important person in my life you can not turn back the hands of time.

Did you see it did they show you before they left before the knowledge is lost forever because there will be nobody left with eyes that saw what came before.

The knowledge is older then all the stories you've been told ancient times that came before the they don't want anyone to remember anymore.

Imagine a world that has forgot what came before it happens slowly over time so nobody notices eons go by then memories begins die

Look at all the lies that say even when it's clear for you to see because it's stairing right at you and these omissions in the story line.

Somethings are harder to destroy they survive still alive beneath the ground in trees the rocks and the seas the stars don't lie.

Yet they lie to your face about the thing's they can't easliy erase or replace standing tall ancient stone stories is yet to be told still being found this story can't be complete if we can't see what's beneath our feet.

Even the mammals in the sea are trying communicate to explain something is wrong it's not the same their behavior has changed even chimps are evolving before our eyes making tools that is wild.

You not the first or the last your just a footnote in past when earth itself decides to starts to speak she'll rid her self of the weak washing clear what came before leaving only the strongest standing tall what came before.

What lays beneath our feet.

Ok so i have a mind that never sleeps with words that arrive from deepest deepest of where that i can't say it's as if my mind has opened up a door off forgotten time

I can say when they appear i have to get whatever is trying to be said out of my head before it explodes from the pressure from the force of the amount of words.

Because it's knowledge that needs to be understood by everyone like a conduit relaying what was lost there is only so much one person can hold at anyone time.

Sometimes the words land like a sledgehammer that's due to the weight with which they carry.

Did you see it did they show you did they say before they left before the knowledge is lost forever because there will be nobody left with eyes that saw what was here before.

Those days are lightly lost not so much forgot but lost with time as life is reborn rebuilt the knowledge is still alive though inside things that never truly die.

Once it's done and gone it will never be same sadness will happen slow enough for each and everyone to not notice that it is gone when they realized it will be far to late so many eons will have passed other things in there place.

When an entire world forgets something older than all the stories they've been told ancient times the so think if they lie about what's left an what you can with your own eyes you can't trust anything they say.

Evidence is everywhere not they can remove the ones that stand the test of time something are harder to erase plus more an more is being reveled as if earth is speaking itself.

Even the mammals in the sea are trying to speak trying to break free somethings wrong it's not the same behaviors charging chimps evolving before our eyes making tool and fire there's a massive changes all around .

The loudest voice write stories to rewrite time the write the past we are just a footnote in time the land rocks stones and stars don't lie we have lost something look at what they left behind it's staring right at you loud clear

Your not the first an you won't be the last when she's had enough she will unleash hell wipe away the weak leaving only the strongest standing tall.

What lays beneath our feet.

I washed up on the shore of a land I'd never seen before i held my breath closed my eyes then i reached up to the sky wondering if this is what it feels like to die.

As i fell down to my knees screaming help me please nothing came only the sound my own voice bounced back around already stripped of what I'd said so asked again am i dead.

Pushed my hands down in the wet ground finger clawing sand wet sand is all i found tears rolled down face while lay down on ground hoping it would turn me into sand l lay for an eternity with a silence all round with a deafening vibrations from the ground.

As the sky starts glow i feel waves lapping as they come and go over as the tide begins to slowly rise i feel the fear melt away before my eyes as the current carries me as far far away as the eyes can see as far as the sea will carry me am i dreaming or am i dead these are the question in my head.

^(Treasure your time in this place made of glass smoke and mirrors watch as the ground shifts breaks cracks up beneath feet your eyes shifting trying to find solid ground as the sands always count the lineages of time .)

^(As you find yesterday now is not a thing where you can go back to in your mind forever to move through the darkness Nothing is now memorable meaning is not a thing nothing is now everything.)

^(You now think fast watch from the outside looking at what has become of time before you walked away from being told what to do what to say categorized like a commodity numberless souls that are stolen I broke free.)

^(What I thought was my weaknesses became my biggest strengths armor forged in fire of pain an inability to want to know the how's and why is not aloud the truth burned and broken down into shards so tiny & sharp they don't want the memories to remain you will need all that you have to channel this back into reality.)

^(How long will it take for you to realize)

I could try to explain this to no end not because am chatting shit because i beggars beliefs of every walking talking being that is listening reading it.

Explain it besides the fact that this must be delusional experience but that would mean mass delusion well the more you look the more you see.

What heck throw that away for what you say is witchcraft well maybe like 600 yrs ago that shit would wash.

Obscurity that is the main thing that is keeping things tight lips remember loose lips sink ships.

Funny that cause i swear from where i am typing this am not surrounded by water or i am this is about to get deep obviously don't matter your logistics you can always be found by some substantial body of water even in the middle of a dessert eventually water will be found.

Where oh yes here now mass stupidity abound zombie by day zombie by night struggling with attachments to others all the while zoned in on a 6 × 3 inc screen sucking your essential features your soul.

Every day you awake you feel it you feel less then you did yesterday you it that you you thought you were yesterday is dead gone cloned your no longer you .

How else do you explain this sickness that devours the soul blink by blink you get up step through the day limited by your lack of sense lack of reality souless in each and every way each and every day.

Is this what you call living...

I guessed that you were going before you walked away i could feel it your panic your fear i can feel it.

I realize that this frightened you it should become more vivid with time we speak your unwanted mind wanders into mine.

Your minds eyes see what I hold inùdividually inside the thing i can't explain away even when it's your watching the truth never leaves.

I never got why i see received this crazy plan made by them to try corrupted the air we brearh the sight we say we see as nothing is real yes not real difficult as this might seem.

Ask yourself that uncomfortable question that you wouldn't say out loud for fear of how crazy it sounds.

Who are you why are you you? what makes you feel that your living this in the first person explain why you are you.

An not a memory of something somewhere sometime someplace that no longer exists a solid here an now.

Your sleeping experiencing fluctuations of fear euphoria greed lust envy hate rage happiness joy what's missing in this you your what is missing you your void of self your a slave to something else.

Wake up.

I spent an eternity with what you said never truly understanding what it really meant

I forgot about about it did i do an then that day replays in my head again head in hands my eyes can't see

I tried my guardian Angel and well it would seem my guardian is no angel Demons are my guardians

I look i did i tried it on hands face feet i tried it on that skin suit didn't work well for sure i managed to fuck every inch of space i created chaos with every breath i took every i step crashed into the ground dust and debris floating falling back to all around.

What was it you said to me that day that left me questioning myself everything in each an every way i live in my dreams still not awakened yet what was it that now can't remember because i sat for an eternity with the weight of what you said to me that day.

No two way conversation two way street empty are the eyes that owns this.

Duality more like dual way cargo transportation from here to...

Some never reach to or Timbuktu .

They miss the secrets of the sides the one between the eyes remember empty are the eyes that own this.

Own only your own protect your own projection project you own peace your eyes own nothing except what you put before them manifest it before your own eyes don't chase what others prize or crave instead carve out your own personal peace your own internal prize.