It’s actually so annoying how bored I get trying to do things, even on the off chance that I finally get myself motivated and do everything right to trigger it.
I’ll be idling on a game, playing a podcast, AND listening to music, and I’m still not entertained enough to lock in on my task cause I’m just SOOOooOOooOo uninterested in it.
Reward system is fucked apparently. The more bored I get the more dysfunctional I become. Uuuuuughhhh.
One of the top reasons I’m so upset about how bad these meds have become.
Might have to literally ditch my phone entirely for a little while and just not touch it.

I’ve been sitting on this God forsaken paper for 2 weeks, doing nothing. I can’t even get myself to write a sentence an hour.
This shit won’t fucking work. No 30mg, no 60mg, no 90mg.
ITS FUCKING 90MG OF A PRESCRIPTION BATH SALTS

I’m on a dose that should be enough to get a horse to lock in. But nah, I am out here, exactly as I am without them.
I even feel hunger… on meds that I KNOW usually make me wanna vomit out my entire organ system at the IDEA of food.

These pills would hit me so hard at 90mg, it would probably put me in a fucking hospital few years back.
IT DOESN’T SO MUCH AS TICKLE ME.
I can’t even sit through a movie.
I’m so tired of people trying to tell me I’m ’gaslighting myself and they do work’
MOTHERFUCKER MY HEART RATE HASN’T EVEN GONE UP. What the fuck.

WHY is this even happening? There is NO way this is just a manufacturing error.

AND WHAT DO I DO??? WHAT CAN I DO?!!
I’m about to fail a whole semester man.

I don’t wanna antagonize anyone or anything, but fuck. Does anyone else diagnosed before this craziness feel completely alienated from that group?
Like, how tf are these meds just ✨doing it✨ for them also? I’m over here just feeling uncomfortably warm, reading about how “Adderall changed my life.”
I don’t even know how to explain this don’t kill me.
I’m just getting kinda frustrated. Sometimes I feel like I’ll always be a chaos magnet.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Fuck me I have 2 overdue papers and like 5 movies to watch… and I CAN’T FUCKING RNEHWGWJFJTNEBWB
I’m gonna smash my face through my drywall.

I’m so fucking tired of this disorder. I’ve been diagnosed with it since I was 6, with ASD added at around 14. I’m 24 now, and I still haven’t found anything that genuinely works and helps me, despite the army of people I’ve seen to try and do so.

I’m a wreck, nothing helps. Therapy SUCKS, and only makes me feel worse. I’ve tried nearly every pill out there. My one meds that *actually* worked (without me wanting to mosh with a train) haven’t done shit for a long time (max dose, can’t increase.) Best they do is keep my dumb brain from going supersonic, while I physically feel like total garbage.
I can’t sleep. When I do? I can’t wake up. The antidepressants I take (to help me sleep and not be miserable) knock me out for 12 hours a night, because during school I skip consecutive nights of sleep weekly, from stress.

My body is exhausted. I live in a constant state of fight or flight. My anxiety is through the roof. I feel like the world is gonna end in 5 minutes at all times. I’m ALWAYS behind on something because I just CAN’T DO MY WORK. The only thing that motivates me is the sheer terror of failure. In which case, I’ll get onto doing my task last minute while undergoing some kind of twisted mental torture.
Otherwise? Unless I got a brutal deadline that ends in an hour, I’ll just sit there. Doing nothing.

And the worst part?
I go to an art school, where everyone you ask ‘has adhd.’ Everyone around shares my diagnosis. Everyone ‘knows how it feels.’

But if that’s the case, why am I STILL the only person profs “don’t know what to do with?” Why do I STILL have to explain executive dysfunction? Why am I STILL the only one who can’t make it to class on time? Why does everyone look at me like I’m an uncontrollable problem? Like it’s my fault?

When this disorder began to receive more attention, I was looking forward to finally having people I relate to.

I don’t!!!
I just feel like an outsider to the disorder I’ve had on paper since I was 6.