u/AlmondMilkMaybe

I don't know if this is an autism thing or a me thing, but I've realized that whenever I express that I'm in distress or that something is wrong, people just sort of stare at me blankly and don't really care.

I think it may be autism related because maybe I'm not emoting in a way that elicits enough of a reaction, you know? I mostly just use my words, and I'm not very overtly "dramatic" like many NTs. But I'm also wondering if it's my family of origin (where the issue is the worst), and then me subsequently choosing relationships and friendships with the same dynamic.

Anyway, what's weird is that I know these people know what emotional care looks like because they turn to me for it all of the time. People always bring me their problems, and I listen and ask questions to learn more. I ask how I can help. I remember and follow up. I'm engaged because I actually care what they're going through on an ongoing basis.

But when I share something that's worrying or an issue in my life, people don't even ask follow-up questions. They're seemingly incurious, like "Oh... okay" like I've just made a statement into the air that goes nowhere. And even more mortifying: I feel myself having to volunteer information almost forcibly, like, "Well, you should probably know that I did eventually find out why I was having those really scary dizzy spells for the past few months. I actually ended up in urgent care. But I'm not dying...heh....It was anemia the whole time, if anyone cares, you know..."

And then, on top of that, what I've shared will also be forgotten. So, when I do share a follow-up, they'll be surprised, like they're hearing about it for the first time. "Ohh yeah, you had that thing, right? What was going on again?" Over and over...

Also, for the record, I'm careful to only share information about myself pretty rarely, mostly because I want to hold space for the other person. So, I'm only volunteering information when it's something that's important or scary, like health stuff, big moves, or BIG things. But that goes nowhere, like how my mother somehow forgot that my partner (whose house I lived in) and I were breaking up even though I mentioned it several times. She asked no questions. Barely commented, but when I finally found a new place, she was like, "Oh! Why are you moving?"

Another time, I was on the phone with a family member while walking at night. I involuntarily screamed because I thought I saw a snake, and a few moments passed while I was catching my breath and trying to slow my adrenaline down. The person I was on the phone with didn't even ask what happened. Like, what if I had been attacked while walking? But the vibe is just... indifference?

It's so bizarre. Does anyone else go through this? I'm trying to unpack this dynamic and figure out if it's autism related first. Thanks!

I'm autistic and wondering what you guys think about these scenarios.

Scenario 1:

A gay man was asked by a new coworker, "Do you and your wife have any kids?" and he says, "We don't have kids yet" (not lying, but referring to him and his husband).

On the one hand, he knows his answer affirms a false picture of him being straight. However, the coworker's assumption backs him into a corner because correcting her means that he'd have to out himself. What should he do, and is he wrong for "lying" or being misleading?

Scenario 2:

A person has augmented a part of their body or appearance, and they're complimented on it. For example, a woman wears a natural-looking hair weave, and someone says, "Wow, your hair is so pretty and long! It must've taken forever to grow!" Is it wrong for the woman to just say "Thank you," or do you think it's more ethical for them to divulge that the hair is fake?

I just thought of this hack, since I'm embarking upon law school in my 30s.

If you're wondering if you're too old to try something or make a change, project yourself 10 years into the future. Would you at that older age say you're "too old," or would that older you wish you had done the thing you're thinking of doing now?

My bet is that they would laugh at the idea that you are too old now, because we always look back and realize how young we were.

Another version of this is thinking back to 10 years ago. What did you think you were "too old for" then that you wish you had done? What do you look back on and realize you had plenty of time to do, and would've benefited from now (if you'd actually done it)?

Law school popped my head a few weeks ago and has become a mini-obsession. So, I took a practice test for kicks and got 157, which was lower than I expected. Now I'm looking at the testing date for a Fall 2027 admission, and it's a month from now. I can only go to law school with scholarships, so I'd need an excellent score, and I just don't know if I can stick the landing in time. I don't think I realized how much prep this process actually entailed to get a 170+, and I'm wondering if this is a bit of a pipe dream.

I also haven't been in school in 10+ years, and I graduated from UC Berkeley, but with only a 2.9. So hm... I'd really need a very good LSAT. Do you think it's worth it to try to study and raise my score for an August test this year, or would you wait, study, and try properly next year?

Hi! I just got out of the dentist's today, and I'm kicking myself. I think I should've mentioned that the permanent crown over my root canal feels "high." That is, it feels like it hits "before" my other teeth when I bite down, and I know this would drive me nuts over time.

Anyway, I'm wondering how simple it is to fix this. Will my dentist have to remove the crown or send it away to be fixed? I'm on a bit of a time crunch because I'm moving from my place in 30 days, and the crown getting made seemed to take a few weeks.

Or, is it a matter of drilling/shaving the crown down? I think it's porcelain, because it is white, and a bit whiter than my other teeth. Will they even have to take it off, or can they just do a quick drill down to help it fit better?

Thank you!

I've heard (mostly RP) men say that if a woman is treated badly when dating (used, ghosted, played, etc), it's because they're sleeping with men who are out of their league.

However, I've also heard men say that women are hypergamous by nature and thus, always want a man out of their league.

Question 1: So, if women allegedly always want "more" than what they are, would an average woman dating someone "in her league" always mean that she's settling?

I've also heard some men say they want a woman who is ravenously "primal" for them, who is willing to do it all and wants their dick all of the time. But also, how does that work if he's average (because she's decided to stay in her league)? If he's an average guy, maybe she's not jumping to rip his clothes off on the first date or willing to tolerate almost anything, but what if she is still happy with him and enjoys sex with him?

Question 2: Is that somehow inadequate treatment for the man? Or is an average man getting average treatment from an average woman okay?

Note: I already know a common reply will be, "She has to treat me as well as she has treated that one top guy. She let him do everything! He could treat her however he wanted! So, the only issue is if I get less."

But sir, you're not that top guy, and if you were, you probably wouldn't be invested in that average woman either (according to the RP logic).

So, what do the average people do?