Created a fake dating app account just to get over someone....and it backfired
Hello again, it's me, the mess.
For those who remembered me, I have had a crush on someone (let's call him A) for a while now (>1 year), but I don't think it'll ever go anywhere. However, as demis always do, instead of letting it fade away, it only got amplified by time. So a few weeks back, I devised a plan to "get over it". I had the brilliant idea to create a dating app account (which I am strongly opposed to, no judgement to others but I don't think that's how love should work), with a fake name and obscure photos of myself, zero efforts on the prompt (and some took that as me being sarcastic), to distract myself and "move on".
It started off fine as it was hilariously entertaining to see how the app works, how the algorithm operates, what the set up is like, and why people are so obsessed with it. I was fortunate enough to chat with several people who are chill, but I did not bother to carry on the conversation too far in fear of giving them false hope.
All except one person (let’s call him B). I wouldn’t say that the convo went too deep but we ended up setting up a real date irl, as we live in the same town and I needed a distraction from my sad life. I met him and I stupidly introduced myself with my real name (by accident). To my surprise, we ended up talking for 3 hours about random thing (without food, I almost starved him). I went on a second date with him (a formal dinner) and he showed me around his beautiful college (I like historic buildings).
Unfortunately, this is not a rom-com story where I reluctantly go against my morals and fall in love with a dating-app match. If anything, it only solidifies my defiance against this modern method. I cannot help but to think of A more, because I felt that I am inherently betraying him by going with someone else (even though he shows me no additional attention other than friendliness, but I guess that’s why I like him). Furthermore, while I like B as a person, I cannot help but to feel scared/slightly taken aback when he started moving our convo to romance territory, e.g. 1. He reminds me of what I put on my profile. 2. He wonders why I am still single since I am interesting and beautiful. 3. He says it’s great to finally date someone who isn’t a vegetarian. 4. He asked to put his arm around my shoulders. I am grateful that he doesn’t act inappropriately around me (it’s just 2 dates), but I can’t help but to think that I simply cannot develop feelings for B without a foundation of friendship first.
I don’t want to walk myself into a corner every time when there’s a hint of possible romance in my life, and run away like I always do. Please help me.