u/AloneBoot8205

I feel helpless and hopeless
I’m 30 and I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember, even as a child.
things did not get better as many people like to say, in fact they somehow got worse

I’ve done everything I’ve really tried.
I’ve done every type of therapy, every medication. Everything to improve my lifestyle for my mental health and nothing changes.

I’ve tried. I was a fighter, I was so resilient. Anyone that knows me says I’m the strongest person they’ve ever met. But I can’t do it anymore. I can’t. Everything hurts like my chest and heart is just raw and suffocating me.
There’s no purpose in life, I don’t understand the point.

I’ve pushed so hard to get better. Enjoy the little things, build positive experiences, and I just don’t care at all anymore. I’m tired of waking up everyday and having to fight just to get through my day and do it all over again tomorrow. Is that going to be the rest of my life?
I’m depleted
I’m tired
I feel alone and the mental health system just keeps failing me. I carried so much pain and hurt my entire life, and now I’m just getting hit with more, but also health problems and financial problems. Losing my job. Everything is falling apart and I don’t know who I am anymore or what I want. I don’t look forward to anything anymore. I’m so sad

I’ve been eyeing my dream vintage car now for quite some time, however have been wondering about it starting and holding up in Canadian winters ( -30c)

I don’t have a garage so I’m definitely worried about rust eating it and it not starting on a cold day.

Any fellow Canadians have one?

My psychiatrist keeps insisting at every appointment that I should get a dog and that it will help me feel much better with my depression symptoms.

Today I replied to him saying,
i don’t think I can do that. I have a difficult time with dogs.

I said, I get very overstimulated. For example with my friends dogs. The neediness, hyper, loud barks and whining. It makes me feel overstimulated, nervous and I’ve sometimes had meltdowns triggered , for example if I go see my friend for support and his dog jumps all over me and barks or squeals, it can push me into a more intense meltdown . I am very sensitive with loud noise or high pitch noise as well as not having personal space

This is what he replied to me :
You have two eyes and they are made to look outside into in the world and appreciate things. Your eyes are looking inside of yourself only.

This really hurt my feelings and I’m very confused .
I don’t hate dogs. I think they can be cute, from far . Or for just very short periods of time.
I just feel like I need a more calm independent animal, like a cat .
He said if I get a dog, then I won’t have time to feel depressed or anxious because I will be too busy taking care of the dog

I’ve been doing acupuncture for over a year and it helped a bit at first, but I feel like I’ve hit a wall. Still struggling with pretty intense anxiety/depression and nervous system dysregulation.

I’ve also tried multiple SSRIs over the years and my body just doesn’t respond to them, which is what made me discover TCM and more natural/holistic routes.

Wondering if Chinese herbal medicine could help?

Most doctors I’ve seen in my area claim to help with body pains, menstrual issues, hormones, insomnia etc.. but can’t seem to find much for mental health support.

Can herbs actually make a deeper difference, or are they more for symptom relief?

I’ve never had a consultation yet, I’m just wondering if it’s something that could even help me since all of the doctors only talk about treating other symptoms one could have.

Would love to hear experiences.