u/Alt-btch

I click on my profile and it gives me a blank page no matter how much I wait. I don’t have any VPN or adblocker on and it doesn’t work on incognito either. The problem seems to be only when I switch to UK. And it has no problems on my laptop. But I need the tickets on my phone, I can’t carry a laptop in another country…

I’m almost 30 and today was the first time I’ve seen a childbirth video. I always knew the process and how hard it can be but holy moly, seeing it made my whole body shake in fear and I started crying.

I started wondering how can women around me who had kids pressure me into something like this after they went through it and know how bad it is (for the record, I live in a pretty conservative european country).

I must say, though, I have a great respect for women who went through it, though.

Long post, bear with me.

I’m almost 30 and bi, I’ve started my sex life pretty late (at 23). I’ve had very few partners, but in the time before starting my sex life, I experimented with toys, fingers, touches, etc. and it all went very well, in fact, I was really excited to start my sex life because everyone said how great it is and made it seem like they can’t live without it. So when I’ve got my first boyfriend, it was underwhelming. He had a lot of experience before me, we communicated, we explored different things together and overall he really cared about me and tried to make me feel good but with no success. And this was the situation for every single relationship since then although I only had sex with men I’ve loved and been attracted to and with men that were super caring and open.

The thing is that I feel very turned on and the foreplay feels absolutely amazing, but when the time for penetration comes, I don’t feel anything inside. I mean, I feel the movement and slightly uncomfortable but nothing pleasurable. I tried stimulating myself using the clit at the same time or had them doing it for me but I felt overly stimulated and it started hurting no matter what I did. And sadly, I feel the same when it come to receiving oral. Same with using toys while having my bf doing the penetration.

I’ve been to the obgyn and they found nothing wrong with me. And when it comes to psychiatry, I tried that too, and again, from everything we’ve talked about, they weren’t able to pinpoint any problem. Some things I should clarify, though:

1. I’ve never been sexually assaulted in any way
2. I don’t have anxiety of any sorts
3. I was really comfortable with my partners
4. I’m really confident and comfortable in my body
5. I’m sure I’m attracted to men because again, my bfs were able to turn me on
6. We explored a lot of things and communicated in every way possible (they were really lovely and eager to make me feel good)
7. I didn’t grow in any religious enviroment or any enviroment that shamed me for my sexuality or considered sex as a bad thing. I’m actually very open about it with pretty much anyone.

Has anyone else encountered this problem? I’m not neccessarily looking for solutions because I’m okay with not having sex (I don’t even feel like I want a relationship tbh) but I’m curious how common it is cause me, personally, I used to tell everyone (besides my bf) in the first years that it feels good for me too because I didn’t really want to admit that it doesn’t and be look at weirdly. :)