u/Alternative-Bed3802

Anyone else feel this? I'd love to pack up and just go... or just go! I stay in Scotland, I'm not originally from here I'm from Ireland, but I have now family, I left them when I was 18 to move away.. I have 2 two teens and one of them has zero respect for me.. the second one hates me most of the time.. I think they would be better off themselves, I just feel I can not win.. I don't have friends I can speak to about any of this it's literally just me. I feel like I could leave things behind and move one, somewhere and start again.. anyone else feel like this? I don't know where to go.. I just know I need to go... where would you go to step away from your life?

How annoying is it when playing squads or trios that when someone dies at the start of the game and you run so hard trying to find chests to open for gold or fight to retrieve their reboot card..for them to just leave just as you're about to revive them! So annoyingly 9/10 when I play squads someone leave early.. there should be some penalties or something for early leavers.. I get it that sometimes maybe people need to leave as an emergency, and thats ok but 9/10!! Annoying!!!!

I just can't form relationships and friendships for more than 2 weeks! No matter how hard I try after 2 weeks I can't be bothered to text or reply back, I crave my solitude so much, do you get me?

I went though a lot of trauma when I was younger so I left my family, parents ,siblings literally everybody I knew in my home country and moved to a new country when i was 18, All with the clothes on my back, I bad and £150 in my pocket, I ended up meeting a man ,Got married and have 2 kids, The marriage was diabolical, A lot of domestic abuse from his side, In the end I stabbed him in self defence one night and went to a refuge for mother and children to get away.. bare with me..., so I left him in 2018.. and since then I can hold down any relationships or friendships for more than 2 weeks, I really try. But I feel i put on this false confidence at the start and people love it, but soon my loner mask slips and I can't keep it up so I usual make some excuses after 2 weeks and bow out.. respectfully of course.. I make sure I do damage control and end things nicely as I can't be doing drama and anger... apart from my 2 teens I don't have mant interactions with people on the outside as I call it. I'm a loner and love it, I can't help it.. but i do feel I'm going to be one of them cases you read about where a mummified body is found fused to a sofa in their house years later as no one checks on them, I think I'd like a relationship, How do I stop break the cycle? And give someone a chance and be less selfish!? Being schizoid is no joke It has me thinking about leaving everything behind... again. (No hate or nasty msgs please I'm rather fragile today, ) Thanks🫶