u/Alternative-Lab5930

I’m 6 months postpartum and found out my husband has been watching porn, beginning during my pregnancy. I feel sick about it and so foolish. I truly had no idea, and that may make me naive. He was always kind and didn’t pressure me — but now I feel unseen and foolish. I feel like I did my best, I would make sure it’s okay if I wanted to wait. I genuinely thought it was. But I guess I wasn’t enough. I was just beginning to feel better about myself too & sex was becoming less painful and now all I can think about is every time I said I didn’t feel like having sex, he probably just went & watched porn. I feel like an idiot. How do I heal? I honestly don’t want to hear that it’s normal, I think he knew I’d react the way I am about it and that should have been enough. Like when would I have found out, if I didn’t randomly try to google something on his phone the other day? Years from now?

We did the Ferber method a few weeks ago. She cried the most the first night but after that, we only had to do one check in! She really took to it & is sleeping better than usual. However, she still cries when I lay her down awake at bedtime and I’m starting to feel really bad about it. Last night, she cried off and on for 3 minutes, fell asleep, then woke back up and cried off and on for 4 minutes. It’s not screaming, but it’s not just fussing either. This is kind of her pattern. I stared at the monitor last night feeling so guilty for letting her just cry. Is that pattern normal? If so, when will it stop? Is it “bad” to go in and soothe her at this point?