u/Alternative_Bat4159

Growing up, my mom constantly pounded into my head that my dad was a bad person. She brainwashed me for years telling me he was toxic and narcissistic. The crazy part is he was actually living in the house the entire time, working and providing for all of us.
After my parents divorced, things got extremely high-conflict. I did everything in my power to rile him up and make him angry. I was horrible to him. I did some genuinely monstrous things just to create the exact narrative my mom had been feeding me that he was a monster.
I blocked him on absolutely everything and stayed no contact for five years.
A few weeks ago, I finally looked at some of the messages he had been sending me all these years. He was calm. He admitted where he could have improved as a father, said he was working on himself, and told me he’d be open to having some kind of relationship if I ever wanted one.
I feel sick.
I was so brainwashed that I spent years treating him like garbage and then cut him off completely, all while he was still trying to reach out and take accountability.
I don’t know if he’ll even want to talk to me anymore after everything I did. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.
If you’re in no contact, maybe just check. Even once. People really can change even if your mom tells you they can’t.

I wish I had realized this sooner. So happy we're in Contact again.

Went NC a few years ago while in college. My dad, who was strict (especially with money) cut me off financially stating "I can't fund you if you don't want to have a relationship with me."

He ended up traveling the world, staying at 5 star hotels, eating at the best restaurants in the world with his post-divorce girlfriend, with whom he has now been together for 5 years...plus his business took off since he is building Artificial Intelligence. How do I know? He'd constantly send postcards, letters, and even try to reach out in every way imaginable. But now I realize he was doing it as a way to stay connected.

Needless to say, I finally reached out recently and realize that there were massive communication issues (long story short). He paid for my college debt in one check!

Not regretting No Contact but beginning to realize that people change, including myself, him, and the world around me.

Everyone has to do what's best for them.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and I’m coming to a very painful realization about my family.

In December 2022, when I was 19 and my sister was only 15, I went completely No Contact with my father. Looking back, I think I was too young to make a call that permanent. I lacked the life experience to see the gray areas, and I think what I actually needed were just much stricter boundaries rather than a total exit.

At the time, my dad didn’t do himself any favors. He was reaching out in ways that felt aggressive, and he even took my mom to court, calling her a "parental alienator." I was so certain he was the villain that I just rolled my eyes at that. I thought I knew better than everyone. I felt like I was the one protecting the family.

But we’ve re-established contact recently, and the reality is hitting me like a ton of bricks. He is an incredibly deep, conscientious person. He has been in a stable relationship for five years now, and the way he treats his partner is nothing like the version of him I have in my head from when he was with my mom. Seeing him happy and grounded makes me realize that maybe he was just profoundly unhappy in that marriage, and I was seeing the worst version of a man under pressure.

Meanwhile, my mom’s life is in a total tailspin. She’s fighting with everyone and has managed to get kicked out of five different gyms in our area for sleeping with the trainers and creating scenes. Watching her spiral while he shows up as a thoughtful, stable adult has flipped my entire perspective upside down.

It’s hard to admit, but I’m starting to think he was right about the alienation. I was a kid who took a side in a war I didn't fully understand. Now I’m left dealing with the guilt of those lost years and the confusion of realizing my "hero" parent and "villain" parent have essentially swapped roles.