Hi!
I really wanna start crocheting, but I don't really know where to start. I really want to learn how to crochet things like toy animals and stuff. What should I buy? Do you have any tutorial/youtuber recommendations?
I'm a 24 year old female. I just finished my bachelor's degree and I had to go back to living with my parents, cause I'm looking for a job. It's been hard. I got a few job interviews, but no job.
I realised I'm not doing so well when I'm living with them. When I'm among my friends I'm the life of the party. I'm extremely talkative, I love going out, I love to talk even if it's just a thought or something stupid or embarrassing happens. That's just who I am I guess. I'm everywhere, I go on walks and meet up with my friends and do everything just to not stay in one place. I opened up during this academic year and was doing so much better overall.
And then I'm at my family home. I totally shut down again. I only talk when necessary, like when someone asks me something or I'm spending some time withy siblings. I stay in my room most of the time, I started isolating myself from everybody including my friends.
I met a lot of great people online in the last year. There's this one guy specifically. We talk everyday. Because of this whole situation I start to feel like I'm a traitor. Like maybe I'm a total liar, because how can you be so cheerful one day and then you totally change. Who am I at this point? Which version of myself is actually true?
I'm really struggling with this, because I feel like I'm lying to people and to myself, because I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I'm lying even though that's not my intention. It feels so weird. I don't know what to do anymore.
I spent most of my time on my phone in bed or searching for jobs. I feel so lost right now. I'm numb and I feel everything at the same time. I just want to be normal.
Since I remember I always was "the problematic child" in this family. My grades were not good enough, I wasn't good at doing my chores when I was younger and there are things I still don't know how to do today. My achievements were acknowledged for 5 minutes but I'm reminded about some of my mistakes I made 10 years ago. Nothing I do is ever enough for them. For my mother especially. To this day almost everything I do, wear or eat is commented on or criticised. To this day I'm being compared to my cousins, siblings or my friends.
She only tells me in arguments that she loves me or that I'm beautiful or that I have so much to offer. I couldn't look in the mirror for years, because I felt disgusted with myself.
When I was 12 her mom was diagnosed with cancer, it must have been terrible for her, because they were extremely close together. But it also caused a bigger rift between us, because I was staying home with my siblings and she was almost never home. I remember that I was supposed to do a project with friends from my class in elementary school, but I couldn't meet with them all the time, cause my mom wasn't home and I had to stay with my siblings. When my teacher found out she gave me a lower grade and I broke down, because I knew my mom wouldn't be happy about it. I started lying a lot, because taking my chances instead of being punished for everything was easier.
When my grandma died when I was 15, she got really depressed. We were arguing all the time. I started looking for support online. It was okay at first, I mostly spoke to people my age, but then I got added to a discord server of a streamer I used to watch. And then I met D. D was 26 years old, he was a moderator on that server. At first he texted me, because I reported a guy who was sending me inappropriate messages and he was asking me questions to see what exactly happened and that guy was banned. He was hanging out with people in the voice chat and I started hanging out with them. He started messaging me more and more and I started opening up to him about my problems at home. He started telling me that he cares about me and that he loves me and wants what's best for me. My parents found out about it and ended it. We were arguing about it for weeks at the time. When we sat down to have a really serious conversation about the situation my mom got drunk and went to sleep, it was my dad who stayed up with me until like 2 am to talk about this. After that situation I asked them if I could see a therapist, because I had a really bad relationship with them and wanted to talk to a professional about my issues. They said that if I wanna talk they're available, but they won't let me see a therapist. They never accepted that they were part of the problem. I know I made a huge mistake and I'm paying for it to this day.
When I was 19 I went to university for the first time. I started having some health issues and that degree wasn't for me in general, so I decided to drop out and go to work. We didn't talk for 3 months, because they were so mad at me. I called both of them for their birthday, because I hated that we're in this situation, but for my birthday month later I got birthday wishes on FB. They didn't even bother to call.
When I went to university for the second time I felt like I finally found something I wanna study. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with cancer and I had to pause my education to take care of my health. To this day she reminds me that I'm behind in life, because my friends are finishing their master's degrees and I just finished my bachelor's degree. It's like I wanted to get cancer or something.
I feel so uncomfortable when I come here. From a very social person I completely shut down. I only talk when I'm asked to, I isolate myself in my room, I become very emotional and sensitive especially when they make "jokes" about me. My anxiety is through the roof. They just say I do that, because I don't like them or that I'm exaggerating.
Right now I don't know if I wanna do my master's degree and what I'd choose to study, so I decided to take a gap year and look for a job. I'm tired of studying for so long and I wanted to finally start my life. Unfortunately I didn't find anything in time, so I was forced to move back with them. This academic year was extremely hard for me. I was sick all the time, so I was constantly panicking that my cancer was back. November was one of the hardest months of my life. I couldn't sleep, had constant anxiety and panic attacks, I was constantly crying. It all happened after we had a huge argument and my appointment with a hematologist was coming up. They were constantly looking for reasons to argue with me, especially after I told them that I don't think I believe in God anymore. I was working extremely hard to do really well this year to the point where I got sick, because I overworked myself and my body gave up. I couldn't get out of bed for a week and I was panicking that I wasn't studying. My mom told me I should have come home and helped with the Easter preparations. I started therapy and my therapist told me to start setting boundaries with them. I did. It only made everything worse, because they were still supporting me financially, so she was threatening to cut me off. But I kept doing it. My mental health started getting better, because I wasn't going there every weekend as I used to. But like I said, I was forced to move in with them again. She already had a fight with me, because I forgot to put cereal back into the cupboard and because my dad took me grocery shopping and bought a few things I wanted to eat.
I'm apparently a lazy, entitled brat with no motivation and plans for her future. Apparently I never worked a real job, because the part time job I did for almost 2 years was not a job. They're trying to force me to do my master's degree even though I told them I don't know what I want to do yet.
I also met a guy online. He was my biggest support this year. I don't think he even realises how much he did and means to me. We got really close and we're planning to meet in September. I'm worried that if we started dating my life would have become even more complicated than it already is. I'm worried they wouldn't accept him. I don't want to go that far to the future, because the vibe might not be the same when we meet and we're just gonna go our separate ways or we'll just stay friends.
I'm still looking for a job, cause I need to get out of her as fast as possible. It's been one day since I'm here and that made me realise that it's not my home anymore. These people don't know me and I don't know them. We're blood related, but that's basically it. I think I'm starting to hate them. I don't want to. But no matter what I do it'll never be enough for them. I don't know what to do or think anymore. I'm scared I'm gonna completely shut down again and I'm not gonna get up from this.
I just finished my bachelor's degree and I'm currently looking for a job. I lost my previous one in March and haven't had much luck getting one since. I had one job interview with a company last week, but I didn't get accepted.
I don't have the greatest relationship with my mom, so I'm really dreading going back to my hometown to live with her again and also she lives in a really small city, so the chance of me finding a job there is almost 0. I asked if I could stay in the city I studied in for one more month to look for a job here. She suggested that I can do it from home and said she doesn't want to spend more money on me than she has to.
She called me today to make a deal with me since she knows I don't wanna go home. She said that if I'm sure I'm gonna find a job this month she'll give me the money, but I'd have to pay it back until the end of September.
From one side it's completely fair. I'm an adult and it's her money, so she's not required to give me anything anymore, so the offer is completely fair and I'd take it, but looking at what the job market looks like right now I'm not sure if it's actually possible for me to get a job this month. It's a lottery.
My best friend told me not to take it, because if I don't succeed she'll use it against me for the rest of my life like other things. So now I'm really conflicted if I should accept the offer or not. What should I do?
I had cancer in 2023. No warnings, I had almost no symptoms apart from being tired all the time and a weird cough every now and then. After that my lymph nodes started swelling up which led to my diagnosis. I was extremely lucky it was diagnosed so quickly, because my doctor was trying to make everything as fast as possible. I still got diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma. Thankfully I went into remission after 7 months.
I'm supposed to be 3 years in remission in November this year. Unfortunately I spotted some previous symptoms like extreme tiredness and an unexplained cough. The tiredness might be connected to stress and a lot of studying, cause I'm finishing my degree and the cough to my allergy and poor immune system still. I'm trying not to panic, but I got sick 3 times in a span of 6 months and it really starts to worry me that it might be back. I'm just really scared, cause I went through so much physical and mental pain at that time that I don't know if I wanna do it again.
I'm 24, I'm supposed to finally enjoy my life after all of the things that happened in my life and I'm scared of every new symptom, every illness. I met someone,but I don't know if I want to put him through that., if it turns out to be true. My doctor's appointment is in a few weeks and I'm terrified of what's gonna happen.