Gave mom ultimatum 1 year ago, still no contact
There has always been something weird with my mother. I have always felt she wanted me and my brother to turn out different, because she was basically disowned by her father, she says her mother treats her bad, and she has been divorced 3 times, and I think she had us to be her own family and something she could say that she did well or something like that ( Im 36M, dont date, very interested in religion and psychology, no kids and my brother is married but kind of weird)
Her parents do have problems (they divorced and remarried- mother "adopted kids and treated her like a lesser and father treated her bad and only cared about her brother' , which i know is true but ive always felt she also did something to deserve some of it considering she sold drugs, broke into houses, and dated older guys to get at her dad ... it seems like her parents were morons and she tried to get attention, which I totally understand and sympathize with.
I went to live with her at 35 years old for a year when I moved back into town, and being around her always made me uncomfortable. I couldnt put my finger on it for a long time, but she has a heavy air of insecurity to her. She has to "be the matriarch" of the family, but is very light skinned and everytime we have a family thing it always ends in tears for some reason. She always eludes to us not being thankful and her feeling left out( we are always baffled when she says this).She also has a weird sexual energy - hands in crotch alot, says things to try to fit in with boy jokes when me, brother, and dad are over but theyre just off, does Shirley temple esaque things like a child(biting lip and looking away,, finger to lip, child voice, slowly licking lips), sometimes i feel like she acts like characters in shows.
When my dog died I went into a very sad place and hinted I wanted to be left alone. We ended up fighting and she became very manipulative, never admitted she was wrong, or even acknowledged a problem. I would tell her she was doing things that made me upset and she would deny any fault and continue to do them, sometimes even doing things like putting a sprinkler right next to my truck when I had my work tools in there and saying "well I guess I'm just a bad person".
I eventually told her go to therapy and work out her past which I believe everything comes from or I'm done. She said it was mumbo jumbo she didn't understand when I told her why I think she acts like this but for the past 15 years all I hear is the same...
"You dont respect me"
"Nobody is grateful'
"Yes, but I'm your mother"
"But it hurts me"
"I just want peace"
I have written her the same letter 4 timee and read, mailed, or texted it to her saying how I think she is fighting something that is manifesting into our relationship and that I feel she both has a phony personality and an inauthentic connection with people, ans that I am only looking for acknowledgement of my feelings and an honest relationship... but she always cries, doesn't understand what I'm saying (she always asks my dad what the problem is), or deflects about how she feels. So i walked away.
I dont know what to do. Ive told her exactly what the problem is, where i think it comes from, and what I require to have a relationship and she says she's baffled. She has tried to kill herself before and I want to help her but im the only one in the family willing to say these things to her and I dont think she will ever understand whati im putting on the line for our relationship and for her to be happy.
Tldr ... mom won't acknowledge what im saying but i want to help.