Vent / Advice Wanted?
Idk the point of me making this post. Maybe it’s just a way to vent, or maybe I’m looking for advice on how to move forward.
About 3 years ago, I met this girl at work who I thought was cute, but I knew she had a boyfriend so I respected that. Over time though, we became really close friends, and in the last 6 months our friendship got stronger than ever. We were texting basically every hour of the day. She liked texting me a lot because her boyfriend was a dry texter, while I replied fast and our personalities matched really well.
Eventually I started developing feelings for her, but I never tried to sabotage her relationship because deep down I knew we would never actually work long term. For example, she never wanted kids and I do, so I already knew we weren’t compatible in that way. I just genuinely cared about her a lot as a person.
At one point, her boyfriend started getting uncomfortable with how much she was texting me, so she texted me less. I noticed and asked her about it, and when she explained why, I told her maybe it was better if we ended the friendship there. She cried a lot over that. Eventually she talked to her boyfriend, and he said it was okay for us to text, just not while they were together. So we went back to talking all the time again.
She’s honestly a really sweet girl, but over the last few weeks I realized I had become way too attached. Even going an hour without hearing from her would make me anxious. Sometimes when she was with her boyfriend she’d disappear for 3+ hours, which realistically isn’t even a long time, but it bothered me way more than it should have. Small things started affecting me because I cared about her so much.
I know she cared about me too, but sometimes I felt like she only talked to me when her boyfriend was busy. Part of me wonders why she even let me get this close in the first place.
Last week I finally decided to end everything and block her. I figured I’d rather deal with loneliness than the constant stress and anxiety the friendship was causing me. Any small argument with her could ruin my whole day. She became my whole world. I gave her the power to control my emotions which just started heavily affecting my life. After every text I would wait for the next one, that was the only thing on my mind. I know she’s a sweet girl and she genuinely does care about me, but man that “friendship” was just fucking with my head too much.
Now my mind feels clearer, but my heart feels lonelier than ever. I guess I should try making new friends, but that’s easier said than done. Idk I just don’t know what to do.