u/AnkuSnoo

I’m 39, have ADHD with some traits of autism.

TLDR: When very senior people make suggestions or requests for our work that don’t make sense, I’m expected to just do it because it came from on high, but I literally don’t understand why their opinion matters more than those on the ground. Like I do not care who they are or what they have to say, they’re so far removed that they mean nothing to me, but everyone else seems scared or stressed about doing what they want. Is this an ND thing or just corporate bullshit?

Not looking for an opinion on how to deal with this particular scenario, just curious if others experience the same.

More context:

I work for a large bank as a UX/content designer. Right now I’m working on a high-profile project and we’ve been doing demos to increasingly senior leadership, like up to the CEO of our arm of the business. They’ve been giving us stupid surface level feedback about changing this word to that word or can we make this button green instead of blue. (Edit to clarify: It’s the feedback that’s surface level, not the design details - we either have well-considered reasons for the choices we showed or they’re placeholder until we get round to applying that same rigor).

It’s hard for me to take their feedback seriously because they are so far removed from the details and also they’re not designers, they’re business people. It’s all just personal opinions and not rooted in any kind of design principles or customer insight.

My immediate managers are telling us to just implement the feedback for the purposes of the demos (even if that’s not what we’ll ultimately build for customers) because they’re leadership and we should show them what they want.

I’m going to just do it, but I’m genuinely confused. I literally can’t comprehend why I should take direction from them when the direction doesn’t make any sense and they have no knowledge of design. It doesn’t matter if they’re 14 levels above me or whatever - their authority carries no weight with me. If their feedback was relevant or had any kind of rationale, I’d listen. Like we also did some demos with the Head of Design and that was helpful because they get it and had good questions and gave strategic directional feedback as well as suggestions on a few details. But in this case it’s just hand waving so why should I prioritize that over my peers and immediate team who have more expertise?

I’m new to corporate politics (I previously always worked in startups or smaller tech companies) so I’ve never had to deal with such higher-ups.

Like I said, I’m going to just do it because I’m tired of the whole situation so whatever, but it made me wonder if I’m just naive about the corporate world or if this is maybe an AuDHD/ND thing.

Anyone else feel this?

(Content warning: pregnancy, weight, body image)

Funny story from this weekend that also made a little sad.

I was at a wedding waiting in line for the bathroom. The woman behind me was the bride’s mom (we didn’t know each other) and she mentioned to nobody in particular that she needed to go do photos. I said she could go ahead of me and she said “but you’re pregnant”.

The moment she said it she clearly realized she made a potentially embarrassing assumption. I said “Oh no I’m not, I’m just leaning back” (technically true as I was slouched against a wall, but I still have a belly when standing straight - I just instinctively said it to make it less awkward). She was flustered and sort of facepalmed and apologized. I laughed it off, as I genuinely didn’t care and wasn’t offended, but I felt mortified for her.

It’s one of those comically awkward situations people joke about or you see on TV but wonder if it actually happens in real life. Well apparently it does!

I just had to laugh because I can see why she might think that. I’m 39 but people generally think I’m much younger. I’m tall, and the rest of me (arms, face) is still slim, so I’m not surprised she thought my paunch was a second trimester bump 😂

It did make me a bit sad though – not because I’ll likely never be pregnant, and not because some random person accidentally called me fat, but because it sort of cemented the reality that certain clothes don’t look the same on me anymore. Not that I can’t or shouldn’t wear things that show lumps and bumps, but wearing a body-hugging dress now comes with some extra trade-offs - manage it with spanx or whatever, or be prepared to have people think I’m pregnant. I don’t care what people think, I just don’t want to the emotional/mental load of deciding if/how to respond to anything anyone might say. I’m relatively newly married so it wouldn’t be out of place for people to see a bump and think we had news.

For the wedding afterparty I changed into a dress that has a more flouncy relaxed cut and felt a lot better - not just less self-conscious, but also physically more comfortable. Then last night out for dinner I wore a favorite dress that used to hang straight but is now body-hugging. I wore Spanx which helped smooth out where my paunch hangs over my underwear waistband, but I didn’t feel my best.

So I think it’s time for a dress refresh. I don’t wear them often so when I gained weight I changed out my day to day tops and pants for ones with a more relaxed silhouette and more give in the fabric/waistband, but I didn’t think about dresses.

This whole thing is also making me realize that I’m not as body-positive as I believed myself to be. I feel fine with my squishy middle and I don’t care about the numbers on the scale and on clothing tags. I use the term “fat” neutrally, and when I see people talk shit about what fat women wear, I call them out. I don’t buy from brands that call themselves ethical but aren’t size-inclusive, even if I myself wear a standard size, just out of principle. I’ve enjoyed skinny privilege my whole life but now that I’ve experienced a single comment on my weight - which wasn’t even directly about weight - it hit me harder than expected. Since entering menopause I often *feel* dumpy or frumpy, but that’s mainly been because of feeling fatigued and wearing uncool, practical clothes/shoes. This was the first time I was aware of how my body *looks* and is perceived by others. It just goes to show how deeply ingrained body image and beauty standards are. I thought I was impervious to it but I’m not.

I’m not beating myself about it or anything, I’m just reflecting, and it’s made me realize there are still a couple of adjustments to make to help me feel comfortable in my new body.

Plus, I’ve been planning to sew myself some clothes (I learned how a decade ago and never got round to actually doing it) so this is extra motivation to get started on that project.

So thanks, Jenny’s mom, I guess 😂