u/Annonymous_rlshpfix

Oh where do I start this one.

The realization came to me this morning, all of my ex’s who have done me wrong in some kind of way has always said, they’re scared of loosing me or waking up to me being gone. Why though?

See in my mind you shouldn’t be scared of loosing someone, unless you are actively doing something behind their back that you know if they found out they would leave you. So what is it you’re truly scared of? Are you scared of me finding out or are you scared to loose me?

If you’re scared of me finding out then don’t do the fucking actions that I would have to find. In the other hand if you’re scared of fucking loosing me, then actually treat me like you don’t want to loose me, don’t just ignore me then tell me you’re scared to loose me. If you truly want me the way you say you do you wouldn’t do anything that you even have a small thought would upset me in even just the slightest unless you know it’s a temporary upset before I’m happy because of what you did.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, sorry for any mistakes in typing, I just can’t stand when people say this but never act it because I’m actively going through it right now.

Today is your birthday M, I wish I could’ve come home with you and given you what I wish I could give you what I want but you won’t let me. Not yet anyway. You say it’s against your morals but oh my I feel like you’d give in if you knew all the little nsfw things I’d do to you tonight if you’d let me. I want to please you all night, just a night of you just looking at me and I know you’re ready for the next, I want to lay there all night just letting you use my body in almost anyway possible that you want. Giving you head, letting you fill me repeatedly in any hole you want, because I know what you’re into we have the same limitations almost, you’ve talked about it casually in front of me as if you want me to know what you’re into. Use me please, I never ask for this but I honestly want you to use my body to please you in anyway you want, I’d almost suffocate to give you head for hours if that’s what you want, please just use me. Let my body be your birthday gift from me. I just want to please you, pleasing other people sexually makes me happier than I care to admit, I don’t even care if I get pleased or not just use me.

Found out something interesting about you M, from you yourself which was honestly surprising to hear, and maybe you have searched for these letters and found them just haven’t said anything which would be like you. Honestly secretly wish you have found them, would be a little terrifying to find out you have found them but would also make me question you a little more. I believe you do want me and you do like me and are just waiting until life gets better for both of us. Which I respect you for, I wish I could tell you fully how I feel about everything going on in my life so you can understand why I post so much about you on snap, why I want you so much. You have actually become my safe space, I get so relaxed around you, my body starts to act different, better, around you. I can’t tell if you’ve been acting different since I told you I like you but it seems like you have been. Maybe a hint that you’ve seen these, maybe mention something about these subs to me and I’ll get that you know. I just want to know if you would want me if I met you before him. I know for sure I’d still want you if I met you before him or even after him if yall weren’t friends. I never fall in love with someone like you so this is different to me, my own boyfriend’s best friend, who does that? I do apparently, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want to fall in love with you but I did. I’m still trying to figure out how it happened, I want you so bad though more than him, more than I’ve ever wanted him even when we first met, I don’t get it. I want all of it with you, I want the little things many people don’t think about, I want to make you breakfast in bed on your days off, I want to spend the rainy days inside in bed with you, I wanna spend all of 4/20 each year for the rest of our lives smoking the day away with you, eventually when we get to this point in life I want to sit on the porch in rocking chairs smoking a blunt and drinking coffee together. For right now all I want to do is just spend an hour or more just cuddling, just wanna start cuddling and go until we have something to do or one of us has to get up to eat or use the bathroom. Just get lost in the bed for the day, just us and whatever we decide to do. For now I’m just gonna stick to day dreaming about you, maybe one day we can do that. I miss you max even though you’re sitting right in front of me as I type this, I wish I could just walk over to you and get what I want but I know I can’t right now. Just in my thoughts for now.

GM as you call me occasionally,

Formally,

C

When it tells you what it wants I suggest you listen. When it does it it’ll be the most subtle ways possible. Not being able to sleep next to them, anytime they go to touch you or kiss you your first automatic reaction is to pull away, anytime you have sex you can’t reach orgasm anymore. Just subtle. Subtle enough for other people to miss but if you know yourself enough you know it’s your body telling you what your mind has been thinking is what you should go with. For my case I’m being told I should leave you by my body, those things mentions above are what is currently happening with me with you. I wish it wasn’t this way, I do love you and I would love to stick this out with you and be here to help you get better but that puts myself at risk of further damage I’ve already worked to get rid of; some of it is already back. I love you and that is why I’m leaving, I don’t want you staying with me when I’m unhappy with you, I don’t want to keep building resentment towards you and end up being a ruthless bitch one day towards you when you don’t deserve it even though a lot of people would say you do deserve it because of everything that has happened between us, the things that broke my trust and my want for you over time. I’m sorry, it hurts me to do this I don’t want to do this but I have to leave soon for my own sake for my own mentality because I’m starting to feel like a mom who’s gonna have to abandon a child which is not healthy for either of us. You’ve been one of the best but worst men I’ve been with, you have the potential to be great I just know it won’t be with me, I know I’m the kind of person who comes in and out of peoples lives to help teach them lessons and when they learn lessons or choose not to learn them I know when I need to leave, maybe one day again in the future when you’re better.

I want you so bad

It honestly hurts I can’t give you what I want, I want to show you love so unforgettable you can’t even dream of someone else taking my place. I want to show you how much just being your friend has made feelings grow for you. I feel so safe around you I wish you never had to leave when you come over, or if you leave you take me with you some nights just so I can sleep peacefully some nights. You’ve helped bring out the happier side of me y’know, when I’m goofy around to it’s not an act anymore at least it’s actually who I am, I used to be this way as a kid, only acted for a while so I didn’t crack when alone with you. God being alone with you how I wish for hours alone with just you, no one to possibly overhear that shouldn’t, just us, time for me to relax fully around you and let the anxiety fade and just be with you. I know you said recently you can’t do anything, morally you can’t, but I’m still gonna let my thoughts run wild sometimes but cage them up so I don’t get too into you just incase. I hope these feelings fade soon and I can just be your friend for now but how badly I wanna be held by you for hours just alone watching movies, I don’t care if there’s any feelings involved in your behalf, could we do it as just friends? I won’t try anything I promise as long as you don’t, unless you want to have a couple drinks and risk it, I wouldn’t mind.

Why?

I told you in November how I felt about you but you didn’t say no, you didn’t say I don’t feel that way about you, you said you’re still my homies girl and I need time to think about it because you’ve been in situations like this before and they never ended well. So I said take your time to think and get back to me on it so now here we are in May I asked if we could you said you needed to talk to him first before talking to me, you tell him you don’t feel that way about me and don’t like me like that. So why not just say that to me then, why say you need to talk to him first. It just doesn’t make sense to me, like why wait this long, why keep me waiting, why keep me guessing, just why? It makes no fucking sense bro, like you say you don’t like me but why have I always gotten the vibe you do? Why is it this entire time you’ve been here after saying it and he told me have I felt the vibe you just want to check on me and make sure I’m okay but haven’t? Like I honestly don’t get it what so ever, I know you probably won’t see this at all but so fucking what I just needed somewhere to vent and maybe strangers can give me some answers as to why because all of your actions towards me when he’s not around tell me so much more than what your words say. And in the off chance you see this max honestly I hope you can do better in the future and actually tell someone you don’t like them right when you have the good chance to tell them not months after then confess how they feel to you. You’ll know who this is when you see this there’s plenty of clues exact words you’ve said to me.

I want you

I want you on your worst days

I want you on your best days

I want you on everyday in between

I feel like you are actually going to be good for me when you finally talk to me and tell me how you feel. At least I hope I’m getting the vibes from you right. The way you act with me I swear it’s different than how you interact with other people. When you look at me and then I make eye contact with you I swear I see a small amount of blush popping up a little, honestly kinda cute for a guy with curly hair to blush, melts my heart a little everytime I notice. I’ve also noticed when other people make you smile you don’t smile the same way you do with me, it looks like it actually reaches your eyes when you smile at me. Now I don’t know if I’m actually seeing that right if that is what’s happening if you do have feelings for me. Honestly I can’t wait to find out if you do, please talk to me soon the wait is killing me. I know it might take a bit for you to do it but ugh please don’t wait too long I just want to cuddle you and make you feel good in every way I can. You make me happier than him right now unfortunately, I’ve told him he’s broken my trust with him, he knows where I stand with him right now so talk to him whenever you’re ready I bet you he will tell you to go for it, you already know we’re both okay with it so why be scared? It won’t turn out how the shit with your other friend turned out we’re not like that. I already have a game plan in my head for how this will work just trust me to take the lead?

The one longing for you every night after you leave,

C