u/AnonFartsALot

Hello modest ladies! I’m looking for ideas for full face coverings (including eyes) that would work with glasses. My every day glasses are rather large, but I do have some smaller ones I could wear.

Background: with a lot of the new surveillance technology being implemented in my area, I am looking to cover certain parts to protect my privacy/safety. Tattoos (arms and chest), full face, and hips to floor. The body is easy, but I’m struggling with how to cover my face without looking ridiculous or being too uncomfortable. I love Victorian mourning veils, but they are often too see-thru.

The best/simplest solution would be a burka. However, I’m not Muslim. While I don’t mind people thinking I’m Muslim, I don’t want to be disrespectful/sacrilegious. I’m Lutheran by background, so Catholic veils, bonnets, European styles, etc. are fine.

The other thing I considered was a mesh stocking… but not only would that make me look like a criminal and scare people, it will look very ridiculous with my glasses. So something that is loose around the face or structured is preferable.

Thanks in advance!!!

My ultimate goal is to adopt a teen, pre-teen or mixed age sibling group. I’ve wanted to do this for 20 years, and have honestly prepared myself about as much as I possibly could. (Addressed my own trauma in therapy, educated myself on parenting children with trauma, got a degree in social work, worked a few years as a crisis counselor, was a youth camp counselor and babysat as a teen, took online parenting classes, read tons and tons of books and articles, spoken with FPs and APs, etc., etc., etc.) I’ve always heard the advice of have bio kids or foster before you decide to adopt, and do respite care before you foster. That was my plan initially (minus bio kids) But now that I’m at a great place in my life to do this, have an empty spare room, and have ran out of excuses… I think I’m getting wet feet?

Something in my gut tells me to go straight to adoption, but I know logically, that’s going against all advice I’ve received. (But that advice is all from FPs and APs… who have also given me a lot of blatantly horrible advice, TBH.) Part of it is that I don’t want to have a foster placement and be stuck in this country when/if SHTF. That would be a horrible position to be in- stay in an unsafe situation, disrupt/abandon a child or illegally kidnap them to leave the country and get to safety would be the options. I don’t want to or plan to leave, and I’m not trying to catastrophize- that’s just the reality we’re living in, unfortunately.

So, my question for FFY is what are your opinions/experiences with inexperienced FPs? Does having experience make someone a better parent? (Not looking for answers from FPs, ATM.)

I’ve been doing this challenge in May where I avoid buying from chain stores whenever possible. Trying to find my regular purchases at local businesses has been an interesting adventure.

I have not been able to find a local beauty store that sells cluster lashes or kits at all. I’m looking for something similar to the Falscara kit. I’ve looked at Lashify and Lilac St, but classify is crazy expensive and Lilac St doesn’t sell clusters longer than 16 mm. I usually go for 18 to 22 mm. But I’m also not sure if those are even indie brands.

There’s some brands that were being sold on TikTok shop that I was interested in, but once again, I’m not sure what kind of brands they are. Does anyone have recommendations for this? I’m fine buying the clusters and the glue from different brands, so if you know any brand that sells affordable glue but not longer clusters please let me know. Same if you know an indie brand that just sells clusters.

I’ve purchased discovery sets and samples from 5 or 6 brands trying to find my signature scent. Heretic’s Midnight Toker has me in a chokehold. Top Notes are ashtray but it dries down to the loveliest lightly smokey, sweet clove scent. Literally smells like bringing home a hottie from the goth club in the 80’s. Two problems: 1. Heretic doesn’t sell perfume oils or solids, so I can’t wear it at work, 2. A full size is $165.

I can’t justify the cost for something I can’t wear everyday… but I want it so bad. I tried Bela Lugiosi’s Dead from Sixteen92, thinking that would be a Clive forward scent… it just smells like incense and I can’t smell the clove unless I bury my nose in my skin. (Please no discussion on this brand- yes, I got my order. Yes, I know the issues with this brand.)

I looked up if there were dupes and there appears that there is not.

ETA: Since this doesn’t seem like it was clear, I’d like to clarify I’m NOT talking about a therapist from a marginalized group who is being harmed by what’s being said in these sessions. Please do what you have to do to keep yourself safe and not burn out…

I’ve read many posts from liberal/leftist therapists on this topic, and it seems to me that there are three camps:

1. They don’t like them, but just grin and bear it because they’re getting paid.
2. They feel like they have a duty to try to change their minds somehow to prevent harm to others.
3. They avoid talking about politics at all in sessions, and either set a boundary or redirect the client.

All of these seem unethical and wrong to me. Unconditional positive regard is so important for me, and I would feel like I was harming someone if if continued to deliver services while I secretly hated them. Coming into a session with my own agenda also feels wrong, even if my intentions are to prevent harm to others… and people in my country are experiencing horrific trauma and seeking mental health services BECAUSE OF politics, so while I of course avoid sharing my own opinions, making space for clients to talk about those things seems important.

For context, I have a background in social work and am as far left as they come, which has perhaps given me a different perspective than most. I love serving conservative clients, because it gives me an opportunity to see into WHY they think the things they do. In a space where they aren’t forced to defend their beliefs, the reasoning behind those beliefs makes it’s way out- and sometimes, those reasons are the kinds of things we can work on in therapy. The kinds of things people have told me simply because I was willing to listen without judgment are pretty incredible. On several occasions, someone just dropped the trauma that shaped their entire view of a group of people, followed up by “I guess that’s pretty fucked up.”

People don’t bring up things to their therapist that they don’t want to change. They might not be ready to change or they might want the conditions to change instead of having to do any work, but they’re always looking for a change. You’re never going to find out what kind of change they’re looking for or willing to make if you shut the conversation down by redirecting or cause defensiveness by trying to change their mind.

My spicy hot take is that working with conservative clients presents a challenge to a therapist’s ego, especially if they’re white. We’re the saviors and the good guys and we don’t tolerate intolerance. If we don’t shut down, punish or shun intolerant people, we are now associated with them and tainted… but what does that accomplish? The intolerant person is still going to be intolerant- and now possibly turned off from therapy, which was one of the very few pathways they have to change. Sitting in the discomfort and recognizing that these people are still humans and that punishing them won’t make them stop harming others is hard… but it’s our job. And in a horrible twist of irony, doing our jobs is the most helpful thing we could do in these moments.

Anyway, I just wanted to open this discussion and get others’ perspectives. Open to feedback :)