r/fosterit

I just had 4 grandkids ages 15,14,13 and 12 placed with me 10 days ago. I am doing everything for dcfs doing official Kinship placement and then certifying as a foster parent. We are in GA. I have reached out to churches etc to assist me in getting them set up as they didnt have much of anything. They watched their father and step mother get arrested and they are the ones that called 911. Im trying to navigate everything and help them get the things they need and want. I have to get the medical info for appointments and everything else. Besides the case worker, what else should I be doing to create the village i so desperately need at this point. I work from home so i dont have really any help if that makes sense. I am doing all i can to help rhe kids feel loved and safe.

I dont want to fail them and could use some advice. Thank you in advance for reading!

When I hang out with friends I forget regular people have families and dads. I’m always happy for them but I can tell there is a moment of awkwardness. I’ve been trying to replace what I don’t have because it’s important to be part of communities. It’s just hard connecting when you have so much trauma

I am a parent of a child in foster care.

My son is a toddler and was placed into foster care. The case is unnecessarily complex and doesn't really pull the totality of the circumstances into play.

I am rather defensive that these decisions were made that weren't in his best interest, truly.

The foster mom is mocking at best.

They took him out of the medical system he's been in since he was born and is taking him to doc in a box that I wouldn't refer a homeless person to.

They said that his main doctors are too far for regular visits

She made dietary changes without a doctors consent or approval. She let it slip she removed gluten and dairy from his diet not knowing he's already been tolerating both. When questioned, she said a doctor suggested it. (This is the only appointment I haven't attended because I was told it was a weight check only)

When I asked her that a doctor told her to, she stammered that it was lightly suggested.

She took him to the ER once and I wasn't even notified until after discharge. She claims she's not allowed to have them contact me.

She is trying to correlate him eating yogurt with puking and saying he's dairy sensitive. She claims the ER doctor told her my son needed a scope. I told them I wouldn't be signing off on that until I've spoken to a doctor and we've gone over everything and it is not normal.

The caseworker and her both agreed it was very normal.

When we talked to the GI specialist, the foster mom tried to explain why he needed the scope scheduled and the dr was like "I'm not going to schedule a scope that you say a random ER doc said he needs" and she tried to pull her crap and the dr straight up told her that all of the things she was concerned about seemed to be a mechanical issue if anything at all (which the dr thinks it is not anything) and a scope would be very far down on the list of things.

He'd already had a full evaluation and passed a swallow study. When she tried to defend the dietary changes, the doctor shut her down and said none of the symptoms suggested an allergy or intolerance. And that he should be seen in the feeding clinic to check for behavior feeding issues first.

She sulked in the corner and gave sharp retorts. The doctor looked her squarely and said "You look like you're not satisfied with the answer" and she scoffed she wasn't medically trained and that she didn't know.

She wanted him to have a follow up scheduled before they left. And when we went to go get the details, they had run out the door and not done the follow up. When later asked about the follow up, they claimed they were waiting for a call back

The specialist wanted him to go the feeding clinic there and she said it was too far for her. Isn't this her job?

She has kissed my child in front of me. She talked about something else related to the diet and we explained that's why he was getting special food and that WIC didn't cover it. She said if we wanted, we could buy it and give it to her. I am not going to give details on what it is, but it us necessary and not an indulgence or a preference of ours. I stated she was getting stipends for them and she shrugged and said she had other expenses.

He's shown up to visits and the worker was told to pass along that he had a dirty diaper and it needed to be changed and they knew this before he was sent to the visit.

I once saw her with a really nasty bruise on her arm that looked like someone had grabbed her hard.

Due to some jurisdiction things, the office was going to be moved to be closer to us. I mentioned to her about how then they could transfer the kids to a family near us, the office and his doctors and she rolled her eyes mid sentence and scoffed at me and said they wouldn't do that.

I explained how it would be beneficial to the kids and to us, especially since they'll be going back to the health care system they were in before and it was best for him. She clicked her tongue and shrugged her shoulders and seemed to be deliberately ignoring me as I was still tallking.

Honestly she doesn't care about my son. He's just a paycheck to her.

We've attended every visit, every appointment but the one weight check, are engaged and involved and we just want our family whole again. We're getting a new case worker and supervisor but he's on medical leave still and they don't know when he'll be back and we'll be having the supervisor do visits with us.

We have no criminal history, no pending charges, just a situation that was completely misunderstood and blown out of proportion.

There's no abuse present. I don't use physical means of punishment such as spanking.

She honestly just sickens and enrages me and I don't know what to do. I feel as the parent, they won't care about what I have to say or how she treats him, or even lesser, me.

I can deal with being disrespected or not being taken seriously, but this is my son and I can only imagine how she treats him when we're not there. I can't protect him from her or whatever else is going on over there. She gives me a bad feeling for many reasons.

She also hasn't been taking him to speech therapy that he was already in. And just other little things that add up.

He wasn't cleared for weight yet and she was already trying to stop doing the weight checks and didn't want to be taking him in because she said it was too frequent.

The case is marked as reunification at this point.

So my 7th grade year of school (im 10th grade now) I had this short friend named David it was near the end of the day and school year. My teacher had a movie playing and mid movie someone came and told him to come with him. no one in my grade knew what happened to him until like mid 8th grade year where someone talk to his sister and told use he went into foster care. We asked teacher about him (7th grade one) and they told us lies about him coming back. so anyone in the Athens ohio area of foster care(rather foster parents or siblings) please let me know if you have a short buzz cut kid in the 10th garde. I would love to know he ok or doing good. WE miss him and im not joking when I say we. alot of guys in my grade miss him.

I cringe at the whole getting attached marking slogan. The truth is foster parents will not attach to every child in their home and that's okay. It's okay to not have feelings for a child. You can help someone without getting attached to them. If you give a homeless person money are you attached? No but you helped them.

Same with foster kids. Sometimes foster kids will not attach to you. It's not normal to attach to strangers and sometimes we just want a bed and food. Not to form relationships with people we don't know. It's okay and normal for foster kids to not attach to you.

Humans can't help how they feel and a stranger attaching to a stranger's child or a child attaching to a stranger is not normal at all. If it happens fine but there's nothing wrong with just being roommates and tolerating each other and not attaching.

I wish the marketing for this would change. I see so many posts saying foster kids aren't attached or foster parent is having trouble attaching and I wish we would start treating these relationships as strangers helping kids and kids being with strangers and not expecting some warm fuzzy moment to happen.

I mention this for good reason. Check out and read Ex foster to see why because I truly don't feel safe expressing myself fully here because it always end in a foster kid bashing feast.

After living with a host family, you understand why I wrote this.

I am a single guy in my late fifties. I am fostering my 3 teenage nieces and 11 year old nephew. I have had them for almost 2 years now. The girls father died of an overdose, and nephews father is in prison. They were taken from my sister and she has relinquished rights. I had agreed to adopt them all. The older 2 girls are just going to foster out for the extra benefits. The youngest girl wants me to adopt and I agreed. Nephew just wants his mom. I am struggling to say yes to adopting him. I asked them to give me the summer to see how it goes. They are pressing me to adopt since it has been 2 years. They want everything finalized by November. I may not even have the heart to say no but its tough. He is a challenge with behavior issues and it is daunting to me looking at our ages. I am also afraid of the financial aspect. Would I be out of bounds to ask for more time to make a decision? Even up to a year? Could it do more harm than good to be on the fence? I am really losing sleep and feeling stressed about it.

I got a friend who is going through some stuff and really needs to be in a foster home, but they have no idea where to start.

Trigger warning: brief mention of sensitive mental health topics

About a week ago my foster mom had found out that I'd been self harming. I had blades and bloody tissues out that I'd forgot to put away because I had to rush to work. She said that if she found out that I did it again then she'd need me to go somewhere else, which I respect. I'm 18 and understand she doesn't have any obligation to keep me here but idek where I would go if she kicked me out. I'm not sure if anyone could give me an answer here or if it would just be up to my case worker.

I do have extended family I could potentially stay with, at least for a day or two. But the issue with that is I start my last year of high school in a couple weeks and my family lives far away, which is the whole reason I ended up being put in a foster placement in the first place. I also have a job that I really don't want to end up losing if it does end up coming down to me needing to leave where I'm at currently.

Would they just send me to another placement? Or would they just leave me to figure it out on my own? How do placements even work after you turn 18 and enter extended foster care? Would they even bother helping me find somewhere else to go or is here my only option besides family? I'm gonna try to stay clean and avoid self harming anyway, but I want to have some kind of idea for what that situation would look like if it occurs. Because if I'm being honest I highly doubt I can stay 100% clean by the time I have enough money to move out (at least 6 months, hopefully before then) I at least want a plan for in case I do relapse. Mods please lmk if this post isn't allowed. I appreciate any answers you guys can give me.

Edited to add: another thing I didn't think about is hospitalization. I've been hospitalized 3 times in the past for similar mental health reasons. Now that I'm 18, could they even make me go? I assumed not, but if I'm in extended foster care and got kicked out of my current foster home, would they send me to the hospital as a last resort till they figured out what to do w me? Idk. I don't want to find out any time soon, but what do you guys think? I'm in Minnesota btw

Hello! I have been meaning to sit down at my laptop and type this all up! TIA for reading and helping.

For context, I am from Massachusetts, but I have been living in Texas for several years. All of my family still lives in the Northeast. My niece was placed into foster care a couple of years ago, but now she has gotten her license in MA and wants a car. She has been living with me in Texas for the last two months over the summer. I am approved for a loan, and we have been car shopping.

I have USAA car insurance, and when I spoke to someone a couple of months ago, they made it seem like I could have her insured in MA under my policy. When I spoke to someone yesterday, they said no way it could work because I am not a resident and we will not be living together.

Her foster placement is not ideal, and they have been less than helpful throughout this process. Just for reference, she isn't even allowed a house key or other basic things. Obviously, that is a bigger topic of why become a foster parent, but anyways. My niece is the sweetest kid and has just been through so much. She so badly wants to have a "normal" teenage experience. She has a job; she is a good student and deserves these things. The foster care social worker stated they can pay for the insurance premium for the first year with no issue, so money is not even the problem.

Anyways, does anyone have any thoughts or ideas, or is she totally cooked, or is there anything I can do to help her?

Edit. I was told that I could open another policy in my name with her on it. I was so close to having it approved with Liberty Mutual but because I had too many car towing or whatever services on my current plan they wouldn’t cover me.

Any suggestions for must have items to get started fostering? Our age range to start off will be 0-12. We don’t want to over buy but also don’t want to be completely unprepared. Any suggested must haves?

If your 17 (mind way beyond years but anyway)

if your 17 and disabled (just for reference)

what should you expect from fostor “parents” and the home and to be provided?

I feel like I don’t even get basic needs met at times and I’m so confused of it all.

what should I expect, I don’t know what to do. this lady is getting THOUSANDS from me ALONE per MONTH!!! I wish I could own at least half the income so I could buy my needs I feel like if I was in public I would end up stealing due to feeling like I don’t have my needs and wants etc

btw this lady is using me for money and someone has been open and told me “it’s her job” ”she fosters as a job” it’s genuinely gross

I plan to go back to my home immediately my current case is exactly like take care of maya my case is active medical kidnapping and system is changing reasons and holding onto any little thing to keep me in “care” I have a abusive case manager I think she’s a big problem and I hope to get rid of her to do what I need to do. but main thing it’s clear ”care” here fucking sucks and is way worse than what I would recive at my home. If I’m keep in care till 18 I plan to leave here a few days after my birthday and go back to my home and never come in this house EVER again. It’s disqusting.

So im 16 and my sister was in foster care and she was taken in and were her fosters for a while they then adopted her there amazing people and still try to keep her bio family in contact including me and have set up hang outs etc

The issue is my bio dad not hers who I stay with is emotionally and mentally abusive and I know currently if I call cps they will take me not for the emotional abuse but because of our housing situations but im afraid of fostercare and knowing if my sisters adoptive mom can take me will be a huge relief but I don't know if she can legally be able to i haven't done the research nor am I sure I should leave

We are foster parents of 2.5 yr old child and bio parents of a 4yr old. Our foster child came to us with a significant bi-lingual speech delay (spanish is his 1st language and the only language of his family.) Our understanding is he was rarely outside and when/if he was spoken to it was always in Spanish. English and Spanish comprehension is great, his is very smart. I speak and read Spanish at home with him and we watch/listen to media in Spanish as well.

All that to say, our plan has always been to homeschool our 4yr old. With the arrival of our foster child and with the help of his team we have found a daycare that will support his speech therapy (speech therapy is in Spanish) and language skills. We have decided to also send our 4yr old to the same place.

Here is the issue- my partner feels it would be okay to just homeschool our bio child and send our foster child to school, I feel like that would send the wrong message/other a kiddo that already has come to us with significant trauma and despite his age sense the difference. I work hard on being trauma informed/ reading all the books, listening to adult adoptees and former foster youth's stories and this just feels like something that would hurt him in the long run, especially if reunification is not able to happen.

We have about 4 months before we would have to enter the lottery for the charter schools in our area (our zoned public school is 👎🏾) so there is time, but I was hoping to get others opinions. As an fyi, it would take a judge's order to be able to homeschool a foster child and in this case, it wouldn't happen.

I know a foster kid that is currently taking drugs. The parents don’t know and I plan on telling them.

What would happen to the foster kid when cps is notified?

Any advice on how to tell the parents?

I don’t know if this belongs here or not but I’m going to try :)

As the title stated, me and my wife took in our niece who’s 13 and called cps on her mother. I’ve never raised any children besides the infants I worked with in childcare. I don’t know what’s best to do or how to really run a household with a teen. I’m just genuinely asking on advice on what to do to make it comfortable for her because she’s stayed with us a few times before but I want it to feel like a home for her as long as she’s here with us. the most we did tonight was make sure she had proper food/ snacks, took her mind off the traumatic day and watched some of her favorite shows with her, but with school starting next week, I don’t know how about going through with scheduling for homework, how to do after school things, or how to set boundaries with her properly. Any help or ideas would be appreciated.