u/Monopolyalou

Colorado Supreme Court Chief Justice Brian Boatright announces the ceremony of Denver’s 17th annual Adoption Day celebration on Nov. 4, 2022, where 18 families formally adopted 20 Denver children. (Olivia Sun, The Colorado Sun via Report for America)

The failure rate for adoptions of Colorado’s foster children has not improved in recent years, according to a Colorado Sun analysis of state data.

Almost 10% of adoptions each year are called off, before or after they are finalized in court. There were 263 children and teenagers who were returned to the child welfare system from 2022-25 after their adoptions fell apart.

The top reason, according to state data, was the child’s behavior problem.

The 9.7% failed adoption rate in the most recent four-year period was about the same as in the previous four years. The rate hasn’t budged as the state has cut back on the number of kids who enter foster care in the first place, which has resulted in fewer adoptions, and as some efforts to help the hardest-to-place foster children and teens have fallen due to budget cuts.

A 2024 law that allowed relatives, friends and neighbors of foster kids to receive financial support without going through extensive training like other foster parents boosted “kinship” placements almost immediately. But in this year’s budget crisis, the legislature eliminated funding for what are called “non-certified kinship” homes, saving $5.5 million in state funds.

Another bill passed this year saved the state about $4 million this year and $9 million next year by capping the support payments adoptive families receive to pay for care for children they have adopted. The “adoption assistance program” was limited to 50% of foster care rates for children under 9 and to 60% of foster care rates for teens 14 and older. The capped amounts are now $21 per day for young children and $39 for teens.

The 10% broken adoption rate in Colorado the past four years is slightly better than the 13% rate for the 10-year period from 2012-2021, which The Colorado Sun analyzed during an investigative series published in 2022.

The Sun found that in those 10 years, 1,094 kids had been failed twice, ending up back in foster care after their adoptions fell apart. It was the first time the state had released data on “disrupted” and “dissolved” adoptions, following a request from The Sun under the Colorado Open Records Act.

An adoption is considered disrupted when the child reenters foster care after the adoption has been finalized, or when a child is placed in an adoptive home and the adoption proceedings are called off before the adoption is finalized.

An adoption is dissolved when the adoptive parents legally sever ties with their adopted child in court. The child goes into foster care and can be adopted by someone else.

Colorado Department of Human Services officials said the state agency is working to increase adoption success rates in part by adding questions to the three-year post-adoption reviews they send parents in order to find out more about what kind of support families need.

“It is challenging to get a full picture of why adoptions are disrupted as we don’t have detailed data on various complex variables that could potentially impact the process,” Joseph Homlar, division director of child welfare, said via email, noting that adoptions break up because of conflict with sibling groups, children with complex medical or behavioral health needs, and families living in areas without enough local resources.

Adoptions of foster kids in Colorado have declined in recent years in part because fewer kids are being removed from their homes and placed in foster care, in this state and nationwide. Also, more relatives have stepped in to take children, and they often choose to become legal guardians instead of the more permanent outcome of adoption, Homlar said.

In September, there were 301 children and teens legally available for adoption in Colorado, the lowest number in years and down from the 369 children legally available for adoption in September 2024.

Homlar acknowledged this year’s budget cuts would affect children but said “more time is needed to determine just how impactful this will be to families adopting from the child welfare system.”

Told foster parents the whole getting attached marketing nonsense is literally crap and it's okay if they don't attach to us or foster kids don't attach to them and hell blew over. Seriously, strangers attaching to each other isn't natural or normal. If foster kids treat foster homes like a hotel who cares. If foster parents don't attach well humans can't help how we feel. It's not natural to attach to kids who aren't yours anyway. It's harsh but true. As long as you show respect and kindness you can model healthy relationships but these people always need validation with some sort of attachment. I also don't agree with attachment theory in foster care because some of us just never attach no matter who the foster parent is. It's a lie that every kid will attach as long as you love them and feed them. We can't help how we feel. We can't help who we attach or don't attach to.

Anyways. I brought this up because I spent some of the summer with a host family. I also did study abroad and that was an interesting experience as a former kid as well.

But the difference with a host family and going abroad is night and day to foster care.

The host family I was with was wonderful to the point it triggered me. Like these people went out of their way to get to actually know me. They even did their best to help me celebrate 4th of July despite not celebrating themselves because nobody gaf about July 4 but USA. They tried to cook meals I would like and find ingredients and foods I was familiar with. The language barrier was apparent but they tried to learn some English words to make me feel comfortable while teaching me their language. They wanted me to decorate my room how I wanted to and even brought a few things they thought I would like.

I was actually treated like a fucking human being who didn't have to attach or change myself to fit in. Even meal times didn't feel that bad because they were interested in me as a person, the American with my own perspective and values. They even showed me around town1 and taught me how to use the metro and showed their cultural traditions while learning about mine. They thought some of it was really cool and they even mentioned wanting to try some of it.

Now it triggered me because most of the time in foster care we are expected to be grateful and give up everything about ourselves to meet the needs of foster parents. Like seriously, foster parents refuse to even cook the child's favorite meal, celebrate the child's family traditions or what they are familiar with, and bitch and complain how awful it is to change for a foster kid because it's too difficult for them as grown adults. O the foster child wants a snack at 3am because of food issues or wants to sleep with a nightlight or TV on but it's banned because in foster homes you are there to be molded to fit into the foster family not the foster family fitting you.

Yet this host family was wonderful to me yet at the same time triggered me as a foster youth because how come foster parents get paid to take us in and my host family got paid to take me in, yet the host family treated me as a human being with my own thinking and culture but my foster parents couldn't even do that?

I was in a strangers home in another country but was treated with such respect and dignity. And yet in America I was bounced around for not meeting expectations. The host family went out of their way to make foods I liked, tried to celebrate a holiday they didn't even know about, and was interested about me. And being in their home started to get so depressing even though I was happy because I realized how awful many of my foster homes truly were to the point they broke me. If a host family can treat me like this why can't foster families?

It truly shows how people see foster kids and how foster care is marketed.

And I wasn’t expected to attach to strangers in my host family. I wasn't expected to give up my identity to fit into theirs. Simply put it, I don't know how host families are trained but the fact they can welcome differences in their home without expecting anything in return is pretty damn amazing to me.

I cringe at the whole getting attached marking slogan. The truth is foster parents will not attach to every child in their home and that's okay. It's okay to not have feelings for a child. You can help someone without getting attached to them. If you give a homeless person money are you attached? No but you helped them.

Same with foster kids. Sometimes foster kids will not attach to you. It's not normal to attach to strangers and sometimes we just want a bed and food. Not to form relationships with people we don't know. It's okay and normal for foster kids to not attach to you.

Humans can't help how they feel and a stranger attaching to a stranger's child or a child attaching to a stranger is not normal at all. If it happens fine but there's nothing wrong with just being roommates and tolerating each other and not attaching.

I wish the marketing for this would change. I see so many posts saying foster kids aren't attached or foster parent is having trouble attaching and I wish we would start treating these relationships as strangers helping kids and kids being with strangers and not expecting some warm fuzzy moment to happen.

I mention this for good reason. Check out and read Ex foster to see why because I truly don't feel safe expressing myself fully here because it always end in a foster kid bashing feast.

After living with a host family, you understand why I wrote this.

After hearing yet again another experience by a former foster youth being abused by the biological children in the home, I'm convinced nobody truly listens to us.

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Look, biological kids will always be first over some random foster kid. Its nature. But it's completely unfair foster kids have to be subjected to abuse and bullying in environments that are supposed to be safe for us.

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And birth order is crap. Literally it's not real in foster care and doesn't do shit to protect any kid let alone foster kids.

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I cringe whenever I hear only take in kids within " birth order" or "never take in any kid older than your own bios" because it truly shows that a foster parent will never protect their foster kid if their biological kid is abusive or bullies towards the foster kid. It also will not be reported because no way will a foster parent give their bios up.

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And you will not know how your biological kids will react to us. DNA does matter on both sides. Your bio kids can see the foster kid differently than their own biological sibling. Heck we just had a 16yo step brother murder and grape his step sister. It happens to foster kids all the time in foster homes. There's no biological connections stopping YOUR bios from hurting us. Add in trauma, it's easy to take advantage of us.

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In one foster home where the older biological son graped me and touched me, it was hard to not blame myself and to seek protection from him in my foster home. Years later I found out I wasn't his first victim and he also abused the adopted kids in the home. He was a minor himself but he was old enough to know better than to touch innocent kids. He was a teenager at the time so no excuses on he didn't know better.

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Another foster home the biological daughter clearly hated me and showed me every chance she got. To the point she was bullying me inside and outside the foster home. Went to my foster mom for help and she literally didn't do shit but told me to be nicer to her bio kid because her bio kid had a heart of gold. If only she knew her biological kid was bullying and hurting me but I felt stuck. Why? Because if i bullied her bio daughter back or defended myself then I would be disrupted and be the bad guy. But it was okay for her bio kid to do it to me.

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It's easy to defend your DNA and convince yourself you raised your bio kids right, but you have no idea how they're going to treat us foster kids. It's unfair to place us in position of harm in favor of DNA. The best thing foster parents can do is either wait until their biological kids are grown and out the house( even then bios can hate us but at least they're not living with us) or don't foster at all while having biological kids. It doesn't matter what age you take in either. Whenever the whole birth order comes into play your biological kids can harm someone younger than them too. It happens to a lot of us foster youth and our experiences aren't told because nobody wants to hear them. CPS ignores them and foster parents can't think about their kid doing the harming. It's like the teacher saying your kid is the issue but parents saying not my kid. They would never do that.

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And no you don't have to be abused to abuse. Just like being abused doesn't mean you will abuse. Some people are just sickos.

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DNA matters a whole lot when placed with a kid that doesn't share it with you vs one that does. Foster kids are replaceable bios aren't. Best thing one can do is raise your biological kids and not welcome tension in the home while raising them.

And if you're going to foster with bio kids then stop thinking your bios kids can't do anything bad and the foster kids are all bad. Where's foster kids protections?

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I see many comments saying do respite first to get your feet wet and try out kids before committing to them. No. This is bad advice.

For one respite is really really short. Like a few days or 2 weeks max. It's meant to be short. Many foster parents use respite to take a break from us(which is another story).

Two as a foster kid we all know you are trying us out. We aren't dumb. I was in respite care when it's clear as day they wanted to see if I fit. But we know respite isn't forever anyway and it's just a way to get rid of us until something else comes along or the other foster home decides to take us back. So the whole well lets try to see if it works is inaccurate because as a foster kid I knew it wouldn't work. If you see a child as temporary and see a child as trying on a new pairs of shoes of course it won't work the way you expect it to.

Three, I hated respite care. Hated it. Not only is it another disruption but the fact the person caring for you tells you you're too much feels awful. We foster kids can't catch a break but meanwhile foster families can use respite to take a family on vacation. Respite is too normal is foster care when it shouldn't be. It's another disruption.

Four, in respite most of the time you aren't doing much but giving the kid a bed to sleep in. You aren't doing the nitty gritty work of appointments, visits, schooling, etc. So comparing respite to actually foster care is a joke. Plus we know you don't want us. So why even try or bother sometimes. I stayed inside my room most of the time and didn't unpack at all. It takes time to actually get to know someone and build a relationship with them. Respite doesn't give you that so as a former foster I didn't even bother or try with respite families. For some respite is the fun home since it's so temporary.

Fifth, you can't use respite to see what fits. We aren't pizza toppings you try out. Every child no matter what age or background will be different. You can do well with toddlers in respite but long term don't. Why? Because every child has different needs and personalities.

Giving the advice to especially new foster parents to just do respite first is setting them up for failure and disappointment. Especially since trauma work and healing takes time to actually work through and respite is used as a way to abandon us. If you work full time of course respite is easy but then you get a regular foster placement where you have to do a lot more and now you have to figure it out while working full time. Respite isn't like regular foster care and neither is emergency foster care for that matter. Respite is respite.

Heavy Sigh If you're new here please at least listen to my post. Too many are missing the point and defending respite care when that's not the point at all. Yet again foster kids are at risk and our needs and feelings come last before anyone else's.

And this also shows how the selectively is. If this post praised respite care the comments would be different. Yet again all lived experiences don't matter. If a foster kid says that's harmful I think we should listen not defend our actions. Sorry for being a disappointment and for not being grateful enough for respite care. How wrong am I? Sorry for trying to help foster parents and newer ones at that too.