u/Anonymous_CatBoi

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Long story short i ranted about my life :

My dad only wanted a girl but I was born as a boy. They dressed me up as a girl until I was about 3-4 years old and then it got obvious that I couldn't be a girl and he started abusing me alot. Then they had another baby and it was a girl and she got cherished like royalty while I didn't even get crumbs. He'd beat me , shock me , crush my hands in case door hinges , lock me in closets for days , starve me, hide my books, threaten me stuff like "he'll break my limbs and throw me in a dustbin alive in a faraway city " . All the while I watched my sis get absolutely cherished for existing . My mom would stand up for me initially but he'd just fight her too and she stopped caring after a while too . One day she got into a huge fight with him and the next day she left with my sis leaving me alone with that monster for 2 months as a 5-6 year old and he'd blame me for everything,make me do all the house work , make me wear girl clothes even touch me like a girl and abuse me alot , i don't even remember most of the stuff he did . About 2 months later my mom came back and he just acted like all that stuff to me never happened. The abuse continued and eventually he was making me do his corporate modules, crm reports and stuff for like 8 hours a day during Covid and that included adult work place ethics quizes , yk stuff designed to train bank branch managers being forced upon a 12 year old and if i messed up something I was abused and slept in the closet without food . Once I tried child helpline but they just came and took bribes money and left and I got 4 broken fingers that night because I called the child helpline . I've never been healthy too I was always sick and no one took care of me I was going to tumour treatments alone as a 16 year old too . I have chronic pain in my entire lower body since childhood and they never got it checked because it was me who was hurting . I once accidentally slipped up about my dad being toxic to a friend and he black mailed me for the rest of school life (2 years) . Not to mention I got severe puberphonia for 3 years , to the point even teachers would visibly laugh hearing my voice and it got me bullied and sexually assaulted too and my dad absolutely mocked my manliness because of it. I stopped speaking altogether because of it and yeah life's Just one big hell I haven't touched a human for months, my last human touch was a nurse taking a blood sample from me and that was last year because I had severe dengue and was fainting alot. He forced me to keep long hair so he could use it as torture too like he'd force wash my very long hair with cloth detergent and then blow dry it and and yank a comb through than mess completely dry no conditioner no shampoo no oil just nothing, it hurt like crazy because of all the tangles and my scalp was already dried from the detergent . Also he's very religious and respected in society so no one would ever believe me . I was constantly abandoned at random places as a kid too .

I desperately need someone who won't leave me , i am very clingy , get jealous easily and insecure but I'm not the yandere type I'll just spiral internally and overthink everything . Idc if they are abusive as long as they keep me around for the rest of my pathetic life

Long story short :

My dad only wanted a girl but I was born as a boy. They dressed me up as a girl until I was about 3-4 years old and then it got obvious that I couldn't be a girl and he started abusing me alot. Then they had another baby and it was a girl and she got cherished like royalty while I didn't even get crumbs. He'd beat me , shock me , crush my hands in case door hinges , lock me in closets for days , starve me, hide my books, threaten me stuff like "he'll break my limbs and throw me in a dustbin alive in a faraway city " . All the while I watched my sis get absolutely cherished for existing . My mom would stand up for me initially but he'd just fight her too and she stopped caring after a while too . One day she got into a huge fight with him and the next day she left with my sis leaving me alone with that monster for 2 months as a 5-6 year old and he'd blame me for everything,make me do all the house work , make me wear girl clothes even touch me like a girl and abuse me alot , i don't even remember most of the stuff he did . About 2 months later my mom came back and he just acted like all that stuff to me never happened. The abuse continued and eventually he was making me do his corporate modules, crm reports and stuff for like 8 hours a day during Covid and that included adult work place ethics quizes , yk stuff designed to train bank branch managers being forced upon a 12 year old and if i messed up something I was abused and slept in the closet without food . Once I tried child helpline but they just came and took bribes money and left and I got 4 broken fingers that night because I called the child helpline . I've never been healthy too I was always sick and no one took care of me I was going to tumour treatments alone as a 16 year old too . I have chronic pain in my entire lower body since childhood and they never got it checked because it was me who was hurting . I once accidentally slipped up about my dad being toxic to a friend and he black mailed me for the rest of school life (2 years) . Not to mention I got severe puberphonia for 3 years , to the point even teachers would visibly laugh hearing my voice and it got me bullied and sexually assaulted too and my dad absolutely mocked my manliness because of it. I stopped speaking altogether because of it and yeah life's Just one big hell I haven't touched a human for months, my last human touch was a nurse taking a blood sample from me and that was last year because I had severe dengue and was fainting alot. He forced me to keep long hair so he could use it as torture too like he'd force wash my very long hair with cloth detergent and then blow dry it and and tank a comb through than mess completely dry no conditioner no shampoo no oil just nothing . Also he's very religious and respected in society so no one would ever believe me . I was constantly abandoned at random places as a kid .

I just want one single person in life whom I can clingy to for the rest of my pathetic life, i don't want more even someone abusive who doesn't abandon me would work just fine. I am so fucking tired my body hurts so much my chest is always tight and my brain hurts too. I've never physically experienced stuff like hugs and stuff even once from my parents.

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Hey umm so what are your thoughts on boys who are too clingy, kinda fem leaning, physically weak and would let you do anything as long as you don't leave. Umm i really want someone in my life but I grew up in isolation so my social skills are trash and i just feel disconnected from everyone around me but I desperately want someone in my life. My childhood was trash too my parents wanted a girl so yeah I grew up fairly neglected and now idk where to go and where to find people . Umm any opinions ? Or just any help or anything umm. I don't have people I could reach out to even if I was dying and physically I am not the most blessed , I get sick super easily.

Well i am straight so guys pls don't spam me with I wanna f you, last time I tried i just got jumped by alot of horny men and felt like shit for having to say no.

Straight shy boy