u/Antique-Frosting-775

I 26(f) met a guy 27(m) through hinge a year ago. We matched and upon finding we are located quite near to each other, we agreed to meet. The guy is working in a reputed institute and I am a researcher from reputed university as well. Our first meeting was very natural, we had a good impression about each other. We continued to meet and talk and there was no break ever since. I didn’t meet any other guy after him, in fact immediately UNINSTALLED HINGE after hitting the pause button within a day or two. It was not because I found the one, but rather what I would usually do after finding out dates are pretty consistent. Over the next couple of months I was under the impression the guy really likes me and I might not be able to like him as much, he was attentive and consistent. He asked if I am planning to leave him soon I replied the time will give us the answer. I was very transparent about my relationship expectations, exclusivity in physical relationships, monogamous set up etc. He eventually met my closest friends, became part of my group. He knew my elder sibling knows about him. We had fights because I started complaining that he is not consistent with his efforts anymore, to which he replied it was his job. I found out he was dating his colleague two years ago and they are still friends after they stopped seeing each other. I told him that bothers me because he would not stop talking about the time they spent together and her presence in all of his office lores. Once I raised this issue he started being cautious around me to not talk about her. I was constantly feeling lonely in this relationship because my gut feeling kept telling me something was off. I will let him get away with not texting, updating, ghosting because he would show up every weekend and remained very present and attentive. During the weekdays I didn’t bother him at all. Yesterday, I checked his phone for the first time, and saw his chats, his tone towards this colleague is rather informal, not necessarily sexual but not professional at all. I got to know about the parties he never mentioned to me. He mentioned they partied in groups and there was no one on one date. This girl sends him her pictures, makes him click her pictures, ask for Instagram captions on a regular basis. This guy is not on Instagram and so am I. Then I saw a screenshot he shared of another girl’s hinge profile where he said he is fantasising this girl’s assets ( I cannot use the explicit language he used ). It was a screenshot, two months after we met. I was shocked he used hinge during that time and to my surprise I found out he is still on hinge and there were 3 active chats. The latest conversation was two days ago. The chats were very superficial and non sexual. I was shocked, and he said it is because he sees my profile on hinge. Then I realised he was under the impression that I was using hinge all this while because I forgot to delete my profile. Even though he found this out, he never brought this up with me and continued to chat with other women every now and then because he was not able to confront me. I installed my hinge and showed the last bit of conversation was with him sharing his WhatsApp number. Then the profile was paused, no conversations no matches. I did not entertain a single male this whole year apart from him. He took all the social validity of being my boyfriend without acting like one. I tried to make peace with this but then I checked his WhatsApp and there was a sex chat with another woman, six months into our dating period. They didn’t meet, they certainly wanted to. It happened when I was back home for my sister’s baby shower. I texted him everyday during this one year old relationship, even though he stopped texting and calling from his side, I initiated contact everyday. He would be there for all the new year, Christmas, house warming parties, every weekend hang out at my flat. He didn’t like going out with me much and I raised this too. On his birthday I confessed the very obvious thing that I love him, he couldn’t reciprocate well though he was not entirely dismissive, it was a drunk conversation and it didn’t end well. Later he told me though he was scared he started to feel secure about me the day onwards. He missed my birthday eve and dinner party because of his schedule. I increasingly felt lonely but hopelessly in love, I was satisfied with the times he showed up. My bad temper surfaced when our opinions won’t match on social topics, his lack of social cues among my friends and lack of boundaries among his own friends especially his ex. He would apologise, soothe me, console me. I had a psychotic breakdown after finding out my gut feeling was right about him cheating on me ( it does feel like cheating). He was shocked to know he misjudged the whole situation and leveraged his trust issues with me to continue chatting up other women. He admitted chatting up others never left him with a good feeling and eventually he wanted to stop and confront me one way or the other. His hinge excuse doesn’t add up, am not convinced. His idea of boundaries are not right or wrong, they are simply disrespectful for me. What adds up is his aloofness stemming out of the occasional double life he would live because he was not convinced that we had a very real relationship and I was indeed loyal. He has been apologising after he allegedly realised his mistakes, he was scared to leave me alone. But I don’t want to get hurt anymore, sadly I was indeed l was in love with him. That is the only reason why am not able to shut him off or refuse to listen to his explanations. He on the other hand is visibly shaken but all my trust has thawed. Everything was real for me, but not anymore. I just don’t know how to navigate my hurt and my love towards him.

I 26(f) met a guy 27(m) through hinge a year ago. We matched and upon finding we are located quite near to each other, we agreed to meet. The guy is working in a reputed institute and I am a researcher from reputed university as well. Our first meeting was very natural, we had a good impression about each other. We continued to meet and talk and there was no break ever since. I didn’t meet any other guy after him, in fact immediately UNINSTALLED HINGE after hitting the pause button within a day or two. It was not because I found the one, but rather what I would usually do after finding out dates are pretty consistent. Over the next couple of months I was under the impression the guy really likes me and I might not be able to like him as much, he was attentive and consistent. He asked if I am planning to leave him soon I replied the time will give us the answer. I was very transparent about my relationship expectations, exclusivity in physical relationships, monogamous set up etc. He eventually met my closest friends, became part of my group. He knew my elder sibling knows about him. We had fights because I started complaining that he is not consistent with his efforts anymore, to which he replied it was his job. I found out he was dating his colleague two years ago and they are still friends after they stopped seeing each other. I told him that bothers me because he would not stop talking about the time they spent together and her presence in all of his office lores. Once I raised this issue he started being cautious around me to not talk about her. I was constantly feeling lonely in this relationship because my gut feeling kept telling me something was off. I will let him get away with not texting, updating, ghosting because he would show up every weekend and remained very present and attentive. During the weekdays I didn’t bother him at all. Yesterday, I checked his phone for the first time, and saw his chats, his tone towards this colleague is rather informal, not necessarily sexual but not professional at all. I got to know about the parties he never mentioned to me. He mentioned they partied in groups and there was no one on one date. This girl sends him her pictures, makes him click her pictures, ask for Instagram captions on a regular basis. This guy is not on Instagram and so am I. Then I saw a screenshot he shared of another girl’s hinge profile where he said he is fantasising this girl’s assets ( I cannot use the explicit language he used ). It was a screenshot, two months after we met. I was shocked he used hinge during that time and to my surprise I found out he is still on hinge and there were 3 active chats. The latest conversation was two days ago. The chats were very superficial and non sexual. I was shocked, and he said it is because he sees my profile on hinge. Then I realised he was under the impression that I was using hinge all this while because I forgot to delete my profile. Even though he found this out, he never brought this up with me and continued to chat with other women every now and then because he was not able to confront me. I installed my hinge and showed the last bit of conversation was with him sharing his WhatsApp number. Then the profile was paused, no conversations no matches. I did not entertain a single male this whole year apart from him. He took all the social validity of being my boyfriend without acting like one. I tried to make peace with this but then I checked his WhatsApp and there was a sex chat with another woman, six months into our dating period. They didn’t meet, they certainly wanted to. It happened when I was back home for my sister’s baby shower. I texted him everyday during this one year old relationship, even though he stopped texting and calling from his side, I initiated contact everyday. He would be there for all the new year, Christmas, house warming parties, every weekend hang out at my flat. He didn’t like going out with me much and I raised this too. On his birthday I confessed the very obvious thing that I love him, he couldn’t reciprocate well though he was not entirely dismissive, it was a drunk conversation and it didn’t end well. Later he told me though he was scared he started to feel secure about me the day onwards. He missed my birthday eve and dinner party because of his schedule. I increasingly felt lonely but hopelessly in love, I was satisfied with the times he showed up. My bad temper surfaced when our opinions won’t match on social topics, his lack of social cues among my friends and lack of boundaries among his own friends especially his ex. He would apologise, soothe me, console me. I had a psychotic breakdown after finding out my gut feeling was right about him cheating on me ( it does feel like cheating). He was shocked to know he misjudged the whole situation and leveraged his trust issues with me to continue chatting up other women. He admitted chatting up others never left him with a good feeling and eventually he wanted to stop and confront me one way or the other. His hinge excuse doesn’t add up, am not convinced. His idea of boundaries are not right or wrong, they are simply disrespectful for me. What adds up is his aloofness stemming out of the occasional double life he would live because he was not convinced that we had a very real relationship and I was indeed loyal. He has been apologising after he allegedly realised his mistakes, he was scared to leave me alone. But I don’t want to get hurt anymore, sadly I was indeed l was in love with him. That is the only reason why am not able to shut him off or refuse to listen to his explanations. He on the other hand is visibly shaken but all my trust has thawed. Everything was real for me, but not anymore. I just don’t know how to navigate my hurt and my love towards him.

I 26(f) met a guy 27(m) through hinge a year ago. We matched and upon finding we are located quite near to each other, we agreed to meet. The guy is working in a reputed institute and I am a researcher from reputed university as well. Our first meeting was very natural, we had a good impression about each other. We continued to meet and talk and there was no break ever since. I didn’t meet any other guy after him, in fact immediately UNINSTALLED HINGE after hitting the pause button within a day or two. It was not because I found the one, but rather what I would usually do after finding out dates are pretty consistent. Over the next couple of months I was under the impression the guy really likes me and I might not be able to like him as much, he was attentive and consistent. He asked if I am planning to leave him soon I replied the time will give us the answer. I was very transparent about my relationship expectations, exclusivity in physical relationships, monogamous set up etc. He eventually met my closest friends, became part of my group. He knew my elder sibling knows about him. We had fights because I started complaining that he is not consistent with his efforts anymore, to which he replied it was his job. I found out he was dating his colleague two years ago and they are still friends after they stopped seeing each other. I told him that bothers me because he would not stop talking about the time they spent together and her presence in all of his office lores. Once I raised this issue he started being cautious around me to not talk about her. I was constantly feeling lonely in this relationship because my gut feeling kept telling me something was off. I will let him get away with not texting, updating, ghosting because he would show up every weekend and remained very present and attentive. During the weekdays I didn’t bother him at all. Yesterday, I checked his phone for the first time, and saw his chats, his tone towards this colleague is rather informal, not necessarily sexual but not professional at all. I got to know about the parties he never mentioned to me. He mentioned they partied in groups and there was no one on one date. This girl sends him her pictures, makes him click her pictures, ask for Instagram captions on a regular basis. This guy is not on Instagram and so am I. Then I saw a screenshot he shared of another girl’s hinge profile where he said he is fantasising this girl’s assets ( I cannot use the explicit language he used ). It was a screenshot, two months after we met. I was shocked he used hinge during that time and to my surprise I found out he is still on hinge and there were 3 active chats. The latest conversation was two days ago. The chats were very superficial and non sexual. I was shocked, and he said it is because he sees my profile on hinge. Then I realised he was under the impression that I was using hinge all this while because I forgot to delete my profile. Even though he found this out, he never brought this up with me and continued to chat with other women every now and then because he was not able to confront me. I installed my hinge and showed the last bit of conversation was with him sharing his WhatsApp number. Then the profile was paused, no conversations no matches. I did not entertain a single male this whole year apart from him. He took all the social validity of being my boyfriend without acting like one. I tried to make peace with this but then I checked his WhatsApp and there was a sex chat with another woman, six months into our dating period. They didn’t meet, they certainly wanted to. It happened when I was back home for my sister’s baby shower. I texted him everyday during this one year old relationship, even though he stopped texting and calling from his side, I initiated contact everyday. He would be there for all the new year, Christmas, house warming parties, every weekend hang out at my flat. He didn’t like going out with me much and I raised this too. On his birthday I confessed the very obvious thing that I love him, he couldn’t reciprocate well though he was not entirely dismissive, it was a drunk conversation and it didn’t end well. Later he told me though he was scared he started to feel secure about me the day onwards. He missed my birthday eve and dinner party because of his schedule. I increasingly felt lonely but hopelessly in love, I was satisfied with the times he showed up. My bad temper surfaced when our opinions won’t match on social topics, his lack of social cues among my friends and lack of boundaries among his own friends especially his ex. He would apologise, soothe me, console me. I had a psychotic breakdown after finding out my gut feeling was right about him cheating on me ( it does feel like cheating). He was shocked to know he misjudged the whole situation and leveraged his trust issues with me to continue chatting up other women. He admitted chatting up others never left him with a good feeling and eventually he wanted to stop and confront me one way or the other. His hinge excuse doesn’t add up, am not convinced. His idea of boundaries are not right or wrong, they are simply disrespectful for me. What adds up is his aloofness stemming out of the occasional double life he would live because he was not convinced that we had a very real relationship and I was indeed loyal. He has been apologising after he allegedly realised his mistakes, he was scared to leave me alone. But I don’t want to get hurt anymore, sadly I was indeed l was in love with him. That is the only reason why am not able to shut him off or refuse to listen to his explanations. He on the other hand is visibly shaken but all my trust has thawed. Everything was real for me, but not anymore. I just don’t know how to navigate my hurt and my love towards him.

I 26(f) met a guy 27(m) through hinge a year ago. We matched and upon finding we are located quite near to each other, we agreed to meet. The guy is working in a reputed institute and I am a researcher from reputed university as well. Our first meeting was very natural, we had a good impression about each other. We continued to meet and talk and there was no break ever since. I didn’t meet any other guy after him, in fact immediately UNINSTALLED HINGE after hitting the pause button within a day or two. It was not because I found the one, but rather what I would usually do after finding out dates are pretty consistent. Over the next couple of months I was under the impression the guy really likes me and I might not be able to like him as much, he was attentive and consistent. He asked if I am planning to leave him soon I replied the time will give us the answer. I was very transparent about my relationship expectations, exclusivity in physical relationships, monogamous set up etc. He eventually met my closest friends, became part of my group. He knew my elder sibling knows about him. We had fights because I started complaining that he is not consistent with his efforts anymore, to which he replied it was his job. I found out he was dating his colleague two years ago and they are still friends after they stopped seeing each other. I told him that bothers me because he would not stop talking about the time they spent together and her presence in all of his office lores. Once I raised this issue he started being cautious around me to not talk about her. I was constantly feeling lonely in this relationship because my gut feeling kept telling me something was off. I will let him get away with not texting, updating, ghosting because he would show up every weekend and remained very present and attentive. During the weekdays I didn’t bother him at all. Yesterday, I checked his phone for the first time, and saw his chats, his tone towards this colleague is rather informal, not necessarily sexual but not professional at all. I got to know about the parties he never mentioned to me. He mentioned they partied in groups and there was no one on one date. This girl sends him her pictures, makes him click her pictures, ask for Instagram captions on a regular basis. This guy is not on Instagram and so am I. Then I saw a screenshot he shared of another girl’s hinge profile where he said he is fantasising this girl’s assets ( I cannot use the explicit language he used ). It was a screenshot, two months after we met. I was shocked he used hinge during that time and to my surprise I found out he is still on hinge and there were 3 active chats. The latest conversation was two days ago. The chats were very superficial and non sexual. I was shocked, and he said it is because he sees my profile on hinge. Then I realised he was under the impression that I was using hinge all this while because I forgot to delete my profile. Even though he found this out, he never brought this up with me and continued to chat with other women every now and then because he was not able to confront me. I installed my hinge and showed the last bit of conversation was with him sharing his WhatsApp number. Then the profile was paused, no conversations no matches. I did not entertain a single male this whole year apart from him. He took all the social validity of being my boyfriend without acting like one. I tried to make peace with this but then I checked his WhatsApp and there was a sex chat with another woman, six months into our dating period. They didn’t meet, they certainly wanted to. It happened when I was back home for my sister’s baby shower. I texted him everyday during this one year old relationship, even though he stopped texting and calling from his side, I initiated contact everyday. He would be there for all the new year, Christmas, house warming parties, every weekend hang out at my flat. He didn’t like going out with me much and I raised this too. On his birthday I confessed the very obvious thing that I love him, he couldn’t reciprocate well though he was not entirely dismissive, it was a drunk conversation and it didn’t end well. Later he told me though he was scared he started to feel secure about me the day onwards. He missed my birthday eve and dinner party because of his schedule. I increasingly felt lonely but hopelessly in love, I was satisfied with the times he showed up. My bad temper surfaced when our opinions won’t match on social topics, his lack of social cues among my friends and lack of boundaries among his own friends especially his ex. He would apologise, soothe me, console me. I had a psychotic breakdown after finding out my gut feeling was right about him cheating on me ( it does feel like cheating). He was shocked to know he misjudged the whole situation and leveraged his trust issues with me to continue chatting up other women. He admitted chatting up others never left him with a good feeling and eventually he wanted to stop and confront me one way or the other. His hinge excuse doesn’t add up, am not convinced. His idea of boundaries are not right or wrong, they are simply disrespectful for me. What adds up is his aloofness stemming out of the occasional double life he would live because he was not convinced that we had a very real relationship and I was indeed loyal. He has been apologising after he allegedly realised his mistakes, he was scared to leave me alone. But I don’t want to get hurt anymore, sadly I was indeed l was in love with him. That is the only reason why am not able to shut him off or refuse to listen to his explanations. He on the other hand is visibly shaken but all my trust has thawed. Everything was real for me, but not anymore. I just don’t know how to navigate my hurt and my love towards him.