u/Any-Meat-7736

This is definitely a preemptive question for me because I don’t have a service dog yet but something that just crossed my mind. My family likes to do cruises and we are hoping to starting either next year or the year after plan to take a family cruise every year. I am planning to get a service dog prospect in 2028 and I’m curious how you guys handle having a service dog that has to stay behind, or having a service dog prospect that has to stay behind you especially because that would be the beginning like two years, when you go on a out of country vacation? Once my prospect is fully trained as a service dog if we get through the training without washing out any vacation within the United States, where I live here or she would obviously be coming with me. On a cruise, however I know that I don’t genuinely need a service dog with me, this would be a psychiatric service dog, not a medical alert, dog or a guide dog or a mobility support dog. I know that I do pretty well on cruises. There are some moments where I’m a little overstimulated and stressed but it’s not hard to manage for me on a cruise ship because I’m generally super relaxed. (I really only get like mildly distressed and only when it comes to we have deadlines for when we’re supposed to be certain places occasionally like if we’re going on an excursion otherwise what happens happens and it’s not been a bad experience for any of them.). Also, I don’t really know what the logistics would be for me bringing a service dog onto a ship. It would be a medium sized dog (planning on an American cocker spaniel) but I don’t know how that works going out onto any of the islands, with excursions, and do feel like it would limit the activities that I could do on the ship, such as swimming or sitting in a hot tub.

My problem is that while I do have a couple people who could check in on my dog they would not be able to take that dog into their home (at the very least, not safely because there’s one person who probably could take the dog into their home, but I would not call it safe and would not be an option to me.) I am absolutely 0% comfortable with leaving an animal at home alone for a week (or more because some of the planned cruises that we have would be like a two week long cruise). But I don’t know how comfortable I would be with boarding either. If it was going to just be a family pet that would be one thing I would probably still be kind of hesitant because I’ve heard some pretty awful stories, but I think I’d feel a whole lot more confident with doing my research and finding a place I felt I could trust with the safety of my pet. However, this is not going to be a pet and I don’t know how that would work with a service dog. That is /would be incredibly important to my independence in life. I would not be able to guarantee that there would be no incidences that good harm my dog, emotionally or physically, I definitely could not guarantee that they would be doing small training sessions throughout the day in a way that I could approve of. And I mean, there’s like a bunch of other things that you really just cannot guarantee with that.

For those of you that have service dogs and or a service dog prospect and have been able to take a vacation that you could not take your dog with you. What did you do with your service dog during that time? And how did you cope with the uncertainty and inability to truly know what’s gone on while you’ve been apart?

Something I have considered is Rover. It felt a lot more feasible when I was definitely going to be living on my own because I would’ve been willing to do a they come into my home and live there while I’m gone. I know Rover also does a your dog goes and lives with this person while you’re gone. I just also don’t know how safe that is or what that would look like with a service dog specifically. It being a service dog prospect or a fully trained service dog really adds a different layer of complexity to that for me.

Any advice on what you’ve done or just stories for how things have gone for you doing that would be much appreciated

Hello, I am planning to get an American cocker spaniel in a couple of years. Currently, I am saving to pay for the dog and have $1000 aside initially for vet visits in the beginnings of a vet emergency fund, and have at least 500 probably closer to 1000 so aside for training (so it’s ready to go immediately when we can start doing that), and an oh no, I didn’t realize I needed this small fund, so it’s going to be a while.

Would I genuinely want from everybody in this community more than anything right now is pictures of your cute little babies. It’s a sad thing having to wait so long, I would love to get to see some cute little puppies while I have to wait. TBH I’m probably gonna post this a couple times between now and adoption time.

Additionally, if you have any advice on things that you needed to get that you did not think about I am all ears (or eyes I suppose).

Please send pics❤️

I do not yet have a service dog, but I’ve spent the last year and a half now doing as much deep dive research as I can to try to learn everything that I need to know about just having a service dog and to find what tasks would benefit me. I don’t really know if that’s relevant honestly I don’t really care. What I care about is how do you handle it or explain if and when you have interactions with the general public, who want to fight and argue with you about how the tasks that you have trained your service dog are just tricks?

I’ve come across this now because I happened to see a post in a dog training sub that was a news article about a service dog that passed on the train thing at Disney World (I don’t remember what it’s called and I’ve never cared about Disney World enough to learn anything about it really). And naturally both because it’s service dogs and it’s because a animal died. The comments in that were so incredibly judgmental. And I would understand if all of the comments were being very judging about how this person took their service dog to Disney World in the middle of July, and this dog from the article at least seems to have passed because of heat exhaustion. On the one hand, I wanna be like it’s not our place to judge we weren’t there we don’t know if the dog had any other health complications but on the other hand, I kinda wanna be like that is irresponsible. From everything that I’ve learned it takes a lot of extra work to ensure the safety of your dog if you’re going to bring your service dog with you to an outside venue on an incredibly hot day like any day in the middle of July. But most of the comments were all judging on the service dog aspect of that. (clearly I now know to steer completely clear of that sub because that is not the kind of thing that I want pushed in my face. Unfortunately, it popped up because I follow a lot of dog subs.)

Some of the biggest criticisms that I saw in there were people just complaining about how your dog that you’ve taught to do tricks like “orbiting” isn’t a service dog. One comment was saying how annoying it is that everybody is so focused on the service dog aspect of that and being so crappy about it. And I know that this part is my mistake because I should know better at this point, but I commented to agree that it’s very frustrating that people are just complaining about service dogs in general rather than being angry and frustrated that a dog died. And that it really sucks that that happened and that it’s one thing to be angry because that is in my opinion irresponsible pet ownership let alone service dog handling, but harping on service dogs has a whole and especially on the training aspect of it (because again most lot the comments were also that you know there’s too many untrained pets. People are passing off the service dogs, your dog isn’t a service dog just because you taught it some tricks), especially because while the social standard for service dog training is so incredibly high what we expect isn’t actually what is required. I also made sure to mention that you should be striving for way better than the minimum requirements. But the minimum requirements are that your dog is trained to perform a task that mitigate a disability, potty trained, and is under the control of the handler (meaning not excessively barking, lunging, nipping, or biting, walking up to people, walking away from the handler, walking up to a dog, etc.). And that as long as your dog is trying to meet those requirements, it is technically a service dog. You should not be stopping there, but that is a service dog. Which somebody responded to again harp and reiterate it orbiting isn’t a task and again this is also my fault because I should know better, but I have that need to give all of the information that I possibly can to correct somebody if they are wrong. So I responded to continue explaining that just because you might look at it and think that a person service dog has been taught tricks for attention does not mean that is not a task that is beneficial for them. Orbiting is a service dog task that is used for crowd control to help create kind of a physical barrier that is commonly used with people with PTSD. (I of course was frustrated so it was not as clear and concise, nor was it as polite, which is also my fault and I know that.). When they came back again to say that orbiting isn’t a task and I don’t know how many times I need to tell you that. It kind of actually finally clicked in my brain that oh yeah this is a person that you can’t argue with because they’ve decided that they’re right and absolutely nothing but having to have that experience is going to change their mind and frankly not even might not do it, but I can’t wish that on somebody because that’s terrible.

Long story short and now that you know, I’m done telling on myself. How do you handle it when you interact with somebody in person in the public who is denying the legitimacy of your or in general service dogs tasks? That is something I have now seen that I should do what I can to ensure that I am prepared for if I actually have to defend myself, as in, I cannot just walk away. (unless it is somebody who is an employee of a business that is attempting to deny access and I want to fight that because I actually need to go to this place or something walking away is the first and best option to me because I do not want to be in an argument with some random Karen in a grocery store if that was to happen.). I understand that as a service dog handler you are going to have interactions with the public and they are not necessarily always going to be positive. But would love some guidance on how to better handle a situation like this because I know that the way that I went about it definitely was not the way to do it, also like try to correct people online because they don’t care. (I should really just stop commenting on things ever lol).

I am starting my journey of saving to get a dog and I am wanting to get an American cocker spaniel. I can do a lot of research through googling and trying to find like YouTube videos and stuff and I have been doing that and intend to do a lot more, but I think nothing is better than hearing it from the mouth of people who actually own the breed of dog you’re looking at. I would love to know what daily life is like for you with your cocker spaniel. I’m specifically looking at getting an American cocker spaniel, but I’m happy to learn about English cocker spaniels as well. Specific questions that I have are.

How much exercise does your cocker spaniel want/get?
How much do you typically spend on food, and what kind of food do you typically buy?
How much do you spend on professional grooming, either monthly or even a year?
Do you do any of the grooming yourself beyond brushing? How hard is it?
What kinds of toys would you personally recommend? What kinds of toys would you 100% not recommend?

I’d love to know any other information to. Those are just the questions that I am thinking about that. I know that I would want more of a firsthand account of rather than googled information because Google can only do so much.

As a special plus if anybody who sees this has an American cocker spaniel that they trained to be a service dog I would love to know about how that went for you as well. I would totally go with a more traditional service dog like a golden retriever, but I am living with my family and they do not want any dogs over like 40-ish pounds, preferably in the 30 pound or under range so bigger dogs is not an option right now. From everything that I’ve seen an American cocker spaniel if treated and trained properly could make a good perspective service dog if you’re gonna go with an off breed and a smaller size.

For people who have small dogs as their service dog, especially if it is for autism support I would really appreciate your feedback on how that experience has been. I no small dogs of service. Animals is definitely a much bigger task, they have a higher washout rate than like a golden retriever, they are limited somewhat on the tasks that they can perform, and often do not have the individual stability required for service work. A small dog is certainly not. My first choice, my first choice is gonna be like a golden retriever or a lab. I also am going to be looking at getting a program dog, but would like to continue learning about different breeds and how their training and work has gone as a fallback option if I don’t get approved for a program or just flat cannot afford that upfront cost. I also would like to learn about small breeds because I am moving in with my family in December and while getting a service dog is still gonna be always out and I might move out by then or we’ll plan to move out by then it would be nice to be able to stay and they have imposed a limitation of 15 pounds or less for a dog. (I’m already quite frustrated about that because the number one reasoning is because they do not believe that I would have the ability to provide care for a big or bigger dog because four years ago I had really bad depression and was not capable of taking care of myself. But four years ago, I was also completely unmedicated not treating my mental health whatsoever and experiencing an extreme burnout. I am in so much a better place than I used to be that has been a stable better place, and is continuing to get better as I learn how to take care of myself anyways, I did not learn growing up.)
The breeds that I would be potentially interested in would be:
Pomeranian
Maltese
Chihuahua
Toy poodle
Corgi (if I could swing that with size)

So if you have one of these breeds or even a different small breed, that’s close to 15 pounds or under what is your experience been like with training that dog and how do they do with service work? Also, what has been your experience with general dog care with that dog? I know every different dog breed has different things that they need further care like a corgi is gonna need more exercise than a Maltese is gonna want since a corgi is a hurting breed that is already naturally active and a Maltese is bred to be a lapdog. I just want to try to make sure that I consider all angles that I can and please do know that I have already been researching and learning for a year and have evaluated myself at multiple different points on whether or not I could care for a service dog. I will continue to do this all the way up to getting a service dog or a prospect. I do genuinely believe that I am capable of caring for a service dog, regardless of size. I do just want to evaluate all angles that I can of different sizes because I know there are some really big pros and cons to both a bigger dog, a smaller dog, and even a medium sized dog.

I am at kind of a loss right now. My mom had clear cel renal cell carcinoma. She is going to get a second opinion tomorrow from a different oncologist. But her current/previous oncologist (read nurse because she hasn’t even actually seen her dr since 4 scans ago) has “graduated” her from their program even though they have been saying they are going to continue to monitor her multiple spots.

She had a cancer spot cut out of her kidney a few years ago and then a little over a year ago when she went in for a check up scan they found a new spot on her liver, and a few in her lungs. Rather than do anything about it, no chemo, no immunotherapy offered, they have said they just want her to start coming in every few months for a new scan to keep an eye on it. At every single scan there have been changes to the size of one or more of her spots. I say one or more because sometimes it’s just one of the ones on her lunch’s but occasionally the one on her liver looks slightly bigger. It’s not fast growth but it’s still growth and change. They still do nothing and offer no treatment but they never explain why. And by they I want to be very clear that it’s her doctors nurse. She rarely ever sees the doctor. The nurse dances around questions and never actually gives any kind of answer.

I am so confused as to how an oncologist would discharge a patient with new spots that are consistently having changes (even small). I’m glad she’s getting a second opinion because that just doesn’t seem right to me. Has anyone else been through this either as a patient or a family member?

Does anyone use the soundcore by anker space one noise canceling headphones? How well does the noise cancellation work? Like how much do you hear through that?

I am looking for some new better quality noise canceling headphones because in December I am potentially moving into a house that has two children who are one and two years old and scream a lot. And well, I am prepared, I think, for the fact that they do that a lot I know that one thing I’m going to want to have is a pair of really good noise canceling headphones. I will have a bedroom that is downstairs that has a door that can shut, but their bedroom is right above that. I can wait a little longer and get the Bose noise canceling headphones, but those are almost $200 and if I can save a little bit and have very good quality noise canceling headphones, I would like to do that.

I have no idea what the brand was but I know that a few years ago before 2020 I tested a pair at Walmart once and the noise canceling was so good that I couldn’t hear anything including my sister standing right next to me. If anybody has suggestions that are that good I am super open to taking them.

I have recently learned that this is a thing and I am still learning about it so any information people want to provide is welcomed.

Something that I am kind of questioning is the qualifiers for this. Like what qualifies as demisexual. Like using myself as an example.

I don’t see someone on the TV or in the grocery store or even meet somebody and feel like sexual attraction. I mean, I could look at these people and think man that person is very attractive, but I don’t like feel like I want to giggidy with them or even like wanting to date them or anything. On the flipside of that, though I have one of those brands that will hyper fixate on people sometimes when they are new and interesting, and I am a bit of a maladaptive daydreamer (I might not meet the qualifications for that, but I use that term because it’s the best one I’ve got for daydreams will overtake my life sometimes, and by sometimes I mean it various points in a day every day). So even though I barely actually know this person, I often feel a much more intense connection to them than I naturally should. Sometimes, not always, that leads to me feeling a romantic or sexual attraction to them. I question whether or not this falls under the umbrella of demisexuality because I can and will feel that sexual or romantic attraction pretty quickly sometimes, but I don’t know that it comes before I feel a strong connection or bond with that person (even if it’s not real because again, it’s just my brain‘s perception of daydreams as reality even though logically I know the few things never happened).

For some clarification on the daydreams, they are not inherently romantic. They don’t start off as romantic. It’s mostly scripting for potential future conversations, that sometimes lead into potential romantic conversation scripting (part of the reason I’m not sure if that qualifies for maladaptive daydreaming).

TLDR: can you be demisexual and experience sexual attraction, faster than you truly form a connection or bond with somebody because you hyper fixate on people and your brain perceives that as actual interaction?

I’ve mentally toyed around with this idea for a little while and I wanted to know what other people thought. I’m sure that people have had this idea before, but I had the idea a while back to write a story that did not describe a single character physically. You still get all of the rest of the character description there’s just no physical traits. I kind of liked the idea of a story that no matter who you were you could picture yourself as the main character. The main character itself would have no gender ever listed, largely just in order to achieve that effect of it doesn’t matter who you are you get to picture yourself as that character. Other characters might be described in gender form, mostly just because using they/them pronouns throughout the entire story would probably get very confusing very quick, especially in scenes with multiple characters

I have no idea how I would really execute this idea, but I thought it was kind of interesting and wanted to see if other people would find that to be intriguing or just ridiculous

Edit to say: I don’t so much mean people in this subreddit because you guys here tend to be a lot more respectful, and actually provide a whole lot of information. Most of the issues that I see are outside of Reddit.

As the title asks, I have a genuine question: why do people in this community gate keep so much? Side note: I do not yet have a service dog, I do use us a lot in this post. That is referring to us as a disabled people not us as service dog handlers. I am not a handler yet, just working towards that goal.

Between gatekeeping the tasks that your service dog performs to prevent task shopping, having a service dog at all. I just don’t understand. We as disabled people have had to fight so hard to have access to this support. Why do we try to prevent other people who are also disabled from having this access to the support too? A lot of the problem that I see is primarily “ that’s not a disability” or “service dogs are task trained to mitigate a real disability”.

Both people with visible and invisible disabilities every day have to deal with the able-bodied population questioning whether or not we’re disabled enough. Acting like we’re not actually disabled. Saying things like you’re just doing it for attention, or that’s not a real thing. Why are we doing it to each other? Why are we trying to tell somebody else that their disability is not valid? We don’t know what someone else’s experience is. We don’t know what it takes for them to move through life, we only know what it’s like for us.

I know that there is a high prevalence of people who are trying to pass off pet dogs as service dogs, and that that’s 100% not OK. And I know that there are people out there who don’t have disabilities and say that they do, and that is also 100% not OK. But who are we to judge whether or not somebody’s disability is real or not? We don’t like it when it’s done to us. Who are we to decide if somebody else’s disability is valid enough to have a service dog? We get outraged when that’s done to us.

Another question with the gatekeeping that I have is on telling people that their service dog is not real. I fully understand. The people are bringing their untrained pet dogs into the stores and that’s not OK. The ADA specifically states that a service dog must be individually trained to perform a task to mitigate a person’s disability, they must be housebroken, and they must be under the control of the handler at all times. The issue that I take is with that last statement. Must be under the control of the handler at all times can have many interpretations. Not all of the interpretations are correct, but it’s still an interpretation. That one statement is not clearly defined, enough so that when I read that I was like, what does that mean, like what does that even mean? I only have a picture of what that should mean based off of watching other people service dogs and trying to learn about training a service dog. Other people like me who have literal thinking, brains, or struggle to understand broad concepts that can have many interpretations like that could be out in public with their service dog that they think they’ve done a good job of training (doing the best that they can with what they have) and get a whole lot of flack for having an untrained a dog that they’re passing off as a service dog. I understand that within the service dog community there is a level of training that is expected, but that training is not clearly defined. Why do we not have more easily accessible resources that define what that training should actually look like? Instead, we have to come onto things like Reddit (which isn’t even something that everybody out there even knows about) to gain more information, or watch YouTube videos or TikTok‘s or shorts or something that have people in the comments contesting little legitimacy of that video. It makes it very hard to weed out what is right and what is wrong. I don’t understand why we make this information so hard to get. Not everybody knows where to go or how to look the right way to find the right information and well so much of it coincides with each other or or matches, so much of it is also contradictory. And then people get hate for not full understanding even when they are legitimately disabled and have a legitimate use or need for a service dog. I am in what I want to say is kind of a unique position because dogs and service dogs has become a bit of a special interest for me. I am consumed with the need to research and learn and understand before I am getting a prospect. I also understand that my brain works differently from someone else who has a different disability. Someone else who even has the same disabilities as me might not think things through in the same way that I do because they don’t have the same processes I do. And even if I think that it’s kind of stupid to not think things through before you’re actually doing this, I don’t understand why people get hate for not having thought something all the way through when the information is not all that easy to find. I mean, you can find a lot of information that just scratches the surface of what a service dog is, but doesn’t actually detail and outline what it really entails. That is the problem that I’ve run into. I only know and understand as much as I do because I have laser focused in and asked questions and multiple different groups and multiple different places to gain a perspective based on what other people have done. I truly do not understand why we are not actively trying to help each other. I don’t understand why we are not being kind to other disabled people and acknowledging that just because we know and understand something doesn’t mean that they do and just because they don’t understand the way I do doesn’t invalidate them.

The way that we treat each other in this community (the disabled community) is often honestly no better than the way ableist not disabled people treat us. The way we treat each other is often no better than the biggest who treat us like we don’t have the right to exist in the same space. Why do we do this? Why do we gatekeep, information, resources, disability as a whole? I truly do not understand.