AIO to my husband’s reason for choosing a name for our biracial daughter?
I’m a black woman currently pregnant with my white husband’s baby, and a conversation we had today really upset me and made me cry.
We were discussing baby names, and since I’ve been struggling to choose one, I asked for his input. He suggested Ciara, which I initially thought was because he liked the name. Instead, he explained that it sounds “less black” and that our daughter might have more job opportunities because of it. I was shocked. I never expected my husband to think our child should minimize any indication of her racial background to be more successful.
While I understand that discrimination exists, I don’t think the answer is teaching our daughter to hide who she is.
To me, there’s nothing wrong with having an ethnic or culturally identifiable name. Our heritage is part of our identity, and it should be embraced, not softened to make other people more comfortable. What bothers me most is that his mindset seems focused on accommodating racism rather than challenging it. I would never try to erase or downplay his side of our daughter’s identity, so it feels strange that his instinct was to downplay mine.
The name he thought sounded “too black” was Leilahni. From what I can find, it’s actually of Hawaiian origin, not African or specifically Black in origin at all, which made the comment even more confusing to me.
Am I wrong for being upset by this?
Edit: Thank you all for the feedback. I’ve read far more comments than I expected and have a lot to think about. I’ll be talking with my husband later and taking a break from replying for now. I appreciate everyone who shared their perspectives!