u/Any_Possession_5390

Single mum in Northern Rivers, looking for someone to send good morning and good night messages to. Talk to someone about our day. Ask questions and get to know each other.

Previously worked as a teacher, currently studying art. Lover of music, Lego, gaming, learning new things, making art, playing board games, F1, making and eating good food. Complete nerd about maths and stats. Soccer mum.

Just looking for someone with good morals, common sense and decency, no drugs or smoking, some common interests, will actually turn up and hang out to do things together. Absolutely will not tolerate guys with partners and you will be blocked if you send d1ck pics.

I've been asking myself this of late. As a 46F raising needs kids with no support ever, living in a small rural isolated town, I need company. I've been on my own over 8 years. Before that was a string of toxic abusive relationships. The last one was fine, until I got pregnant and he became a raging abusive alcoholic. I've taken the time to work on me. I have a pretty traumatic childhood I've worked through and faced. I've found boundaries, my green and red flags, worked out who I am, learnt to love and accept myself. But when you have no one ever in your corner, no one safe or reliable to turn to, raising kids that leech the physical, mental and emotional capacity out of you daily, that is a really tough place to stay all the time. I do also have complex mental health that I get regular therapy for and all my team agrees is well maintained and balanced by myself majority of the time.

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My issue is, because of my location, availability of people is pretty small. So I'm trying to reach others further out. I am willing to travel because I already have to travel a lot for anything and everything. Getting out to meet people is pretty difficult, but this year my oldest who is technically an adult but still very dependant on me, is no longer at school so I returned to full time study. Possibly one of my dumbest ideas because the capacity stretching and stress it's caused so far is pushing me into unhealthy places. But how am I meant to meet people?

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I've been using online (not OLD) for years just trying to make friends, being open minded that if someone shows potential in ticking important boxes around being a good and decent person, then I will see if they are open to dating. This has progressed a few times. They are interested and excited to meet me. We organise a date and I invest getting to know them inbetween. But each time, before we get to the date, they drop off and don't read or reply to messages for days. I figure they aren't interested and so start walking away. But they come back?!? I get all sorts of excuses - excessively busy, socially exhausted.... Yeah me too but I want a companion and I'm intentionally dating when I see a person with potential so I make effort even in those times. I feel like I'm being bread crumbed and gas lit. These guys tell me I'm the things they need and want, but can't be bothered to make an effort. They don't follow through on confirmation of dates, they say they don't know if they will have time and energy. Can someone please help me out here??? I have no idea what is going on.

But this leads me to where I'm at now. Do I keep trying to meet people and be intentional about dating the right kind of person, or do I just start dating anyone who will turn up to a date and roll into what is likely to be another toxic relationship because I am so socially/emotionally/touch deprived. Because I feel like to just start dating anyone, I'm going to have to drop a lot of my boundaries and values around what I find acceptable. And for the record - height, income, assets and looks aren't even on the list.

Help please because I actually feel like I'm going insane and I just want a little bit of stable happiness in my life. I don't even have friends that make effort or check in or make time for me. I seem to be the one always making all the effort and when I ask for time or to talk no one is available and no one checks back in the next day.

Above and beyond anything else, I believe this is one of the most important things to making a relationship work.

I recently had a guy tell me that he was impressed that I knew what I was talking about and could break it down to explain it when clarification or further information was needed. What on earth is going on that people don't know about the thing they claim to know about??? I'm dumb founded.

But clear communication is so important. Do you need space or some time out from the other person? Just kindly let them know. Do you appreciate when someone gets back to you in a timely fashion like the same day or within 24 hours? Just bring it up in conversation.

I feel like people are too scared to say stuff. If you aren't being yourself, how can someone learn about you? If you can't communicate your needs, why are you expecting someone else to meet them? And ghosting, don't even get me started. Just use a little courtesy and let people know what's going on.

Can we all please try to communicate and be a little better? It's hard out there in the dating world, so a little effort will go a long way.