My mom is the most selfish person I have ever met
My mom is one of the most selfish people I have ever met. I know that sounds harsh, and maybe even worse than what the reality is, but this is the reality I’ve lived with my entire life. I’m 19F, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting anymore or if my feelings are justified.
She constantly seeks attention and is incredibly contradictory. She’s also extremely hypocritical. It’s almost impossible to know what she truly thinks of someone because her opinion changes depending on who she’s talking to. She’ll tell one person one thing, then tell someone else the complete opposite. She also exaggerates a lot while telling stories to make herself seem like the victim.
She also has no issue spending large amounts on herself. She can go to the salon constantly to get her hair, nails, or anything else done without thinking twice. But when it comes to my sister (20F, a university student) or me asking for something as basic as replacing an empty shampoo bottle or getting our nails done occasionally, she acts as if we’re a huge financial burden. Meanwhile, she’ll spend several times that amount on herself in a single day.
My sister and I had been asking for years to join the cheapest gym in town. Both of my parents always insisted it was financially impossible. Then my dad bought my mom a one-year membership to the most expensive gym in the city, which cost at least twice what it would have cost to pay for both my sister and me combined. She went maybe five times in the first three months.
That also reflects my dad’s relationship with my mom. He absolutely adores her and spoils her, but when it comes to us, it often feels like we’re treated as financial burdens instead of their children. I understand that raising children is expensive, but this feels less like financial limitations and more like selfish priorities. Honestly, it feels like they're new weds and that they only had us to prove their love towards each other.
My mom has also ruined at least four family trips that I can clearly remember.
Last year, we went on a trip abroad. My dad wanted to spend some time with a few friends while we were there. She got angry about it, and the result was that we came home five days early, even though the entire trip had already been paid for.
About three years ago, my mom lied to her workplace so she could get time off for a family trip to another city. She could have simply requested official vacation days, but instead she lied. Her employer didn’t believe her because she couldn’t provide a medical certificate, so we had to drive back home almost immediately after arriving.
On another trip, she got angry because my dad accidentally ran into one of his coworkers and stopped to say hello. All four of us were standing there. He literally just greeted the colleague politely, yet she claimed he was being too “close” to her. The entire atmosphere was ruined because of something so insignificant.
And there have been countless other moments where family outings or vacations were spoiled because she became angry over what felt like trivial reasons.
She also constantly complains that we don’t help around the house enough. The thing is, we have a maid. My sister and I are full-time students, and my dad works almost all the time. Out of everyone in the house, my mom has the most free time.
She repeatedly gives us long speeches about how selfish we are for not helping more because she wants to rest. But every single time my sister and I take care of everything and tell her to relax, she’ll sit down for maybe fifteen minutes, get bored, and immediately invent another unnecessary task for herself, like reorganizing every closet in the house for absolutely no reason. Every. Single. Time.
Living at home has become exhausting. I may be able to move out within the next year or two, and honestly, living here feels like hell. Almost every time I spend time with my parents, something happens that makes me regret it.
The hardest part is that my dad is completely devoted to my mom. Even when he knows she’s wrong, he’ll defend her and side with her.
Just yesterday, my parents spent the entire morning sleeping in, then cuddling while watching a show together. Later, my dad suggested going to play football on the beach with his friends. My mom got angry simply because he wanted to go have fun. He ended up staying home because of her. Yet even after he stayed, she remained angry that he had even thought about going. She left him sitting alone in the living room while she went to their bedroom.
At this point, I honestly don’t think she’s usually upset about the things she claims to be upset about. I think she’s upset when she isn’t the center of everyone’s attention. When she wants attention from my sister and me, she’ll find an excuse to be angry with us. When she wants attention from my dad—even though he already gives her nearly all of his attention—she’ll somehow end up angry at all three of us.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I sit both of my parents down and tell them how all of this has affected me? Or would that accomplish nothing, and I’d be better off keeping my head down until I can finally move out?