u/Aromatic_Freedom_190

Maybe u heard about this- in Poland we had this huge stream made by Łatwogang earning an enormous(really, it beat even a Guinness record) amount of cash for children with cancer. A lot of influencers and celebrities got involved- some shaved their heads in solidarity. The stream is over, but people still are donating to "cancer fighters". A lot of companies are offering services, where 100 % of your payment is going to this foundation. For example u can do a specific tattoo, piercing or shave your head.

From one side, that is something I want. I am in this "fever" and I kind of always wanted to shave my head at some point and if it would also help someone.. I can always wear a wig(I actually have one, but it's really "cheap looking") later. My hair is also mid-neck length, so it wouldn't take that long to grow back in comparison to girls with much longer hair that decided to participate.

But I used to really struggle with my body image. I have really few pictures of myself from the age of 13 and I still don't feel confident enough to take pictures with ease. I used to SH, because I have felt so ugly and disgusting. I am a pussy when it comes to social norms and I unfortunately understand how my appearance is impacting my life, especially as a young woman(I am 21). So, I am anxious- of not having something to "cover myself" with, to regret my decision and not be able to look at myself without a panic(and I am starting to doubt my head and face shape is good).

Sorry, if this post seems silly. I just know I will probably be angry at myself regardless of my decision. But I just have no one to talk with and I would appreciate someone else point of view.

I hope u can understand my position. I usually have something like- I am extremely tense, executive dysfunction is through the roof, feeling inferior etc- I can't stand this anymore, I am expierencing meltdown, sometimes with or without SH- I finally feel fine after

I am diagnosed with ADHD, but I would rather say it's due to past expierences, as Ritalin doesn't help a bit(and generally is bad for my physical and mental health).

I can only feel capable and as a human if I can cry it all out once in awhile

I won't write any details, but basically this. I was extremely sleep deprived and drank WAY TOO much...

I cried, I was angry, I said a lot of stuff I didn't want and I don't even remember all of it.

The case is also, I was born neurodivergent and I kind of experience world in different say- meaning sometimes "normal trauma"( things that are treated as traumatic by the majority) was way less traumatizing that those little "uncomfortable stories"- I can't explain this better. So, i honestly don't expect others to understand this normally... but when I am under the influence

I am so fucking ashamed and can't stop thinking about this. And I honestly preffered, when my memory used to be a blurry picture. No one can convince me that remembering things, ruminating and getting all those mood swings is better that living in blissful ignorance about your past