The rage makes me feel helpless
Lying awake every night thinking about how much the world disregards our needs and abuses us. Thinking about how much I hate them for making all of us suffer. Especially as children. But I can do nothing with this rage. All I can feel in my heart is rage and sadness. But I can do nothing about it. Max Sterner was right. Nobody actually gives a fuck, we’re all just playing the game. Any difference between people just makes them evaluate you on what sort of edge they have over you. so why should I care? Why DO I care? Every time I go out in public I cover up so as not to offend others with my body. But this is not what I want. So why? Why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I just play the game? I hate cis people. It’s not something I’m proud of. Any amount of prejudice dulls the mind, so even if there’s a good reason behind it, I know I shouldn’t, and yet I do. And I know I shouldn’t placate their emotions. But I do. Both sides feel like they’re pulling me apart. And all I can do is helplessly watch. That’s what happens when anger cannot be acted upon. When sadness is not comforted, and when fear rules over the psyche. I am an animal desperate to be whole. But it will never happen, and the blank unreal faces of the cis continue laughing at me in my mind. There is no comfort to be had in seeking out the validation and help of cis people. Because they don’t care. Because they’re up there and we’re down here and that’s all there is to it. It’s the most wicked part of human nature. Only in what we do for each other lies our salvation. We’re all we’ve got.