u/Artistic_Dig_6746

You’re the worst reminder life could give me.

I had learnt to live in real life,
To let go,
To live in the moment
To care less.
I had learnt to be confident,
To believe my eyes, my gut, my words.

I had finally started to be free
From expectation and from my own dreams.

Then I stumbled upon you
Aiming to evolve, to be someone new
But there you came
Straight and forward into my soul
And you brought me ten steps back
To remind me who I’ll always be
And deal with that.

Before you, life had become pale, boring
And sustainable, somewhat comforting
Convincing myself I should tame my fire
To feel good, to be good.

There you go, standing fiery
Not believing any word from me
That doesn’t come from a place of fragility.

I started dreaming again
Obsessing, ruminating, again
And again
Till I fall asleep
Till I wake.
This is not love
This is a lesson I apparently hadn’t learnt
Hidden deep in my meaningless routine

You, reckless fire,
Lit my air so dense and heavy and poisonous
As it was the most natural thing to do
And here I am now burning everything around me
In disbelief, in confusion,
Thinking about you one more time.

My obsession for you
Reflects what I am meant to be
So far from what I am now
So close to who I had almost become before

There you came as a harsh,
Hateful reminder
That all I have is not enough
My love is not enough
My life is not enough
That I want to burn in passion and desire
Not rest in quiet arms

And in this fire I can’t tame
I see in silence the darkest parts of us
You know that.
You like me, I like you
We want to talk, to hug, to feel, to believe
Can I contain your fire instead?
I would be able to do that
People lean on me when they suffer
I make them cry in freedom
Is it too scary for you?

It could be easier than we think
I want to have the courage again
for a connection so real
As I was able to do before
Do you?

It is not love I have for you
It’s the forgotten love I have for me.
So I hate you and I want more of you
Of me
You blew my stability away
Still I have to thank you.
And I know you’re grateful too
But this is not enough, you know
You should allow yourself to go crazy over me too
Then we both will finally learn to let go.

I wish we could be closer.
I wish that little room had no walls, so that the storm could decide for us what to do with this fire within our souls.

We can do nothing but wonder.
I can feel the words you cannot speak, you know my words before I do.

We shouldn’t touch but I choose to linger, we shouldn’t look straight in our eyes like that, but you ask me to. We shouldn’t understand eachother so deeply, so we fake detachment.

My heart breaks every time I can’t get closer, and every time you do it that way of yours.

If only that room had no rules, if only we were free for one day, I’d ask you everything about you, I’d tell you everything about me, I’d hug you for a little more to feel your skin, your smell, your warmth. I’d get lost in your eyes and I’d abandon myself in your strong, caring arms.
If only we were free for one night, I’d make love to you, so we could give a meaning to this tension that makes it hard for me to breathe.
I wonder if you feel it too.

If only we could let our souls meet in the darkness without feeling it’s a risk.
We were meant to meet. My heart knew it when I saw you. You told me when you saw me.
Strangers, soulmates.

But life put barriers too solid for us to break.
We don’t want to. We cannot.

Karma, synchronicity, stars…everything we can believe wanted us in that same room, with too many rules, for too much time which feels not long enough.

And I feel love for you, and I know you care for me somehow, deep in your heart. Because I’m you and you are me.

I fear I’ll turn around one day and you will not be there for me.
But it all seems destined to fade. I’d fight to be someone for you, just friends would be a gift, to gain more time together.

If only you could know.
If only I could tell you.
Still, for love, I must accept these barriers between me and you, even though it hurts.

Still, I’m deeply grateful that I met you.

I noticed that when I am not trying, I attract so many men. It’s like they want to win me. (?)
I am an average girl, quite reserved and (people tell me) misterious.
I am open to connection but not to spill everything about me the first time I see you. I like people in general and I am curious and empathetic. I give also genuine compliments just to light people up.

It’s like when I am genuinely interested about the person in front of me but I don’t give a damn about a romantic/sexual approach, I become magnetic. A couple men even became obsessed and tried again and again for something more.
I kind of hate that because I have to do like reverse psychology 😅?

And then when I do try to be flirty I mess everything up. I mean why

I’m sure it happens to a lot of people, how do you deal with that? Maybe you have more experience than me and you already found the solution to this nonsense 🫠

I have been working with this guy for a couple months. I had already seen him at an event about five months ago. At that time something clicked inside me, the moment I saw him I couldn’t look away, it was a really weird feeling, i felt deeply connected to him without any reason. I didn’t talk to him. But I noticed he stared back with curiosity. I don’t think I was being creepy, there were a lot of people and we were pretty distant. He did a public talk and it was like a sorcery I could do nothing but admire and listen to him. He had an aura.

Time went on and we ended up starting to work together. I feel so confused. When I am with him I feel a heavy atmosphere, like full of an undefined attraction. We talked a lot during breaks and shared a lot of very personal stories. I feel like we could go on talking forever and it is so awkward when it’s time to go back to work. Like the transition from personal to professional is weird. I don’t have social issues, neither does him, it happens only with him.

The fact is that we are both in happy relationships but with this huge attraction and care for each other it is like an earthquake every time. I almost feel like we were destined to meet.
It’s like we are trying to make it platonic but there is too much tension.

Every time we casually touch we both linger, he blushes when he makes jokes at me and I remain serious, I start playing too much with my hair and hands nervously, he sees it but he seems to think I’m at unease. He also stumbles on his words and picking up thinks while talking with me.
We hugged once and it felt like home for me.
We laughed a lot, teased eachother playfully, had lots of mutual interests and just enjoyed spending time together.

But he has recently started to behave so cold towards me. He seems to have put on a professional wall. I felt bad because I liked those moments and I’m afraid he wasn’t on the same page. He started to talk less, breaks became quicker and more professional. I am really confused. I was never flirty, never disrespectful.
Never even wanted to betray my boyfriend or him to betray his girlfriend. At all.
But the connection was undeniable and now I think it was all in my head…also, one of the last times I was having a bad day with my boyfriend and he was so supportive, he told me I am a clever, funny and beautiful woman, that I would have no difficulties finding another man if I wanted to, but he was also sort of detached. He even openly appreciated my way of speaking about the situation, for the words I chose.

But then again no contact.
What is happening? Can you help me please? I feel so weird. I made sure to not idealize this guy but some things are like confusingly illogic.

Thank you so much

Essere in mezzo a una folla, vedere quella persona sconosciuta, magari anche da lontano, e all’improvviso sentirsi come se fosse l’unica “luce” in mezzo al buio? Senza sapere perché, ma non riuscire a distogliere lo sguardo e magari viceversa. Una specie di colpo di fulmine ma non per forza romantico. Se vi è mai capitato, avete capito poi il perchè? È una questione di aura/carisma o istinto? O forse qualcosa di familiare nel suo modo di fare?

A me è successo una volta con una completa sconosciuta, con cui ho avuto modo di parlare qualche giorno dopo e ho scoperto che era una specie di incontro karmico, il mio istinto mi aveva guidato da questa persona per guarirci reciprocamente.

Possibile che il linguaggio del corpo sia così potente da farci sentire qualcuno “familiare” anche da lontano?