u/Ask1stmakl

What i talk is in order of my life's importance. That breakup hurt me more and i cried for days (not manly sorry) anyways it hurt me more than one of my parents being sick (multiple heart attacks, breathing issues) anyway i cant live with them but see them almost daily. But they might die soon and i fel that if they do i wont have any emotion for it, like yes its very sad and i understand but it wont affect me that much (like demolition movie) but not really and that sounds o edgy like oh im tough. But no idk anyways. That doesn't hurt me so much BUT

I do feel sad and i feel bad about this like incredibly bad because i sort of feel like i have always been interested in what happens after death, more so like the interest in death is more fascinating than anything that my life could amount to.

Ok so the part i feel even worse about is that there are teens in the world who kick the bucket or commit sewer slide with worse lives than me and there are kids who have it worse do better, like im out her putting a stain on my life and family if i kick the bucket or sewer slide because im not as strong as them. But i do think about how sad my mum and dad would be.

I just feel like i need to universally go and better my life, like I'm kind of athletic so maybe put that into something like the gym or biking or sunning, and im smart but haven't done well or finished assignments for first and MOST important time of my life so maybe just grind those forever until end. Also side not i am always filled with multiple thoughts 20 hrs 7 days a week of something to do with XXXX like its just crazy and i dont know how to act. Ok so im the funniest one (not a gloat but kind oif a fact, sure maybe im not but my friends alwasysay im funny anyway) And now i feel like theres this infinite feeling of regret and sadness and anger inside my all the time like and when im being funny its me being myself but i fee bad like its me putting a front on for how im feeling, but its not really a front its who i am but it feels both ways and i feel like people only see it one way. ALSO EDIt: my parents dont live together either its just my mum, (stepdad who is outcast and he doesn't like me right now (rightfully so) i can give more context if needed.) And my dad lives with my grandfather until she dies (end of year) Omg and i need a job like holy noboy just robot interviews man like please gimme a job i can code! ;( )

Sorry no paragraphs just use your mind, need my writing style to be anonymous ooh spooky

Theres definitely more and if someone wants any context please let me know and i will provide (will log back in 4 days)

TL;DR Bunch of life issues regarding relationships and feelings (and maybe self improvement (not looksmaxxing) ) (AND YES IM 18)

ok idk how to post this but im going to start with a recap (sounds cringe sorry)

So i broke up with my girlfriend around December? January im not sure and i don't feel like scrolling to check. We broke up because she didn't think she was ready BUT in the aspect of where it was me who i sort of put this pressure on her. more context of heer only ver texting after i do (which i didn't care of for the 2 years we were friends) And I'm the type of person to never touch their phone like EVER but after we started dating i for some reason decided that i would get stressed out with her not texting me (not because of any reason more like me wondering if she really likes me or not) And i got all stressed and she would text and say she would call then not call and its because she would get distracted with reading or something and i didn't mind but it would sort of stress me out. Afterward we would call and play games together everynight and we sort of started it and then i kept asking if she wanted to, because i thought it was just a routine and was unsure if that was fine in a relationship, like its the thing we did everyday and i put a bit too much pressure on it to happen and i didn't realise. Then after almost 2 moths we broke up and i do feel quite sad, ***i wanna go all out here and say this from a erspective that i feel nothing but genuine good feelings about XXX i have always liked her she has been THE nicest person i have ever met and throughout when i was in school she was known as this amazing person. And i loved her family the onlt thing i didn't like was when i didn't introduce myself to her dad with a handshake like that was awful of me. Anyways i believe that i would have done anything she needed from, me like i stayed with her when she was waiting for etc and etc. Not that these are me hyping up how i was but i hope this wasn't confusing.

Okay next hindsight is a crap like i am looking back at this thinking how stupid i was for doing these things and trying not to THINK about this everyday about how it was my fault, i do think like yeah but i WAS stupid, coulda shoulda woulda huh. Anyways when it came back to school time about a month after, i just couldn't do anything and it ruined my whole routine as we sat and talked to each other everyday and we just sat apart so everything was thrown off, and i haven't even gone and talked to her at all for what must have been 3? months now, i jsut cant bting myself to talk to her because i wont even know what to say and now its been so long its even worse waiting, and we ended on really good terms with an amazing message and cards etc, then she asked to drop a present she forgot for Christmas to me off and i wanst free so i said so and she just ended with a thumbs up. Anyways thats not meaning anything and surely doesn't take away from the amazing message we ended on. But i haven't talked to her, i want too because we both valued each others friendships ( we did say so together) like we ended with a hug then the cards etc. Ok sorry long run on sentences English Prof. wont be happy. EDIT: when i say i cried for days its like i let out all the tears for that and when we first broke up over the call it was like i didn't cry but was just in raw shock and was so sad but couldn't cry (we broke up then played games for a few hrs then left)

ok idk how to post this but im going to start with a recap (sounds cringe sorry)

So i broke up with my girlfriend around December? January im not sure and i don't feel like scrolling to check. We broke up because she didn't think she was ready BUT in the aspect of where it was me who i sort of put this pressure on her. more context of heer only ver texting after i do (which i didn't care of for the 2 years we were friends) And I'm the type of person to never touch their phone like EVER but after we started dating i for some reason decided that i would get stressed out with her not texting me (not because of any reason more like me wondering if she really likes me or not) And i got all stressed and she would text and say she would call then not call and its because she would get distracted with reading or something and i didn't mind but it would sort of stress me out. Afterward we would call and play games together everynight and we sort of started it and then i kept asking if she wanted to, because i thought it was just a routine and was unsure if that was fine in a relationship, like its the thing we did everyday and i put a bit too much pressure on it to happen and i didn't realise. Then after almost 2 moths we broke up and i do feel quite sad, ***i wanna go all out here and say this from a erspective that i feel nothing but genuine good feelings about XXX i have always liked her she has been THE nicest person i have ever met and throughout when i was in school she was known as this amazing person. And i loved her family the onlt thing i didn't like was when i didn't introduce myself to her dad with a handshake like that was awful of me. Anyways i believe that i would have done anything she needed from, me like i stayed with her when she was waiting for etc and etc. Not that these are me hyping up how i was but i hope this wasn't confusing.

Okay next hindsight is a like i am looking back at this thinking how stupid i was for doing these things and trying not to THINK about this everyday about how it was my fault, i do think like yeah but i WAS stupid, coulda shoulda woulda huh. Anyways when it came back to school time about a month after, i just couldn't do anything and it ruined my whole routine as we sat and talked to each other everyday and we just sat apart so everything was thrown off, and i haven't even gone and talked to her at all for what must have been 3? months now, i jsut cant bting myself to talk to her because i wont even know what to say and now its been so long its even worse waiting, and we ended on really good terms with an amazing message and cards etc, then she asked to drop a present she forgot for Christmas to me off and i wanst free so i said so and she just ended with a thumbs up. Anyways thats not meaning anything and surely doesn't take away from the amazing message we ended on. But i haven't talked to her, i want too because we both valued each others friendships ( we did say so together) like we ended with a hug then the cards etc. Ok sorry long run on sentences English Prof. wont be happy. EDIT: when i say i cried for days its like i let out all the tears for that and when we first broke up over the call it was like i didn't cry but was just in raw shock and was so sad but couldn't cry (we broke up then played games for a few hrs then left)

What i talk is in order of my life's importance. That breakup hurt me more and i cried for days (not manly sorry) anyways it hurt me more than one of my parents being sick (multiple heart attacks, breathing issues) anyway i cant live with them but see them almost daily. But they might die soon and i fel that if they do i wont have any emotion for it, like yes its very sad and i understand but it wont affect me that much (like demolition movie) but not really and that sounds o edgy like oh im tough. But no idk anyways. That doesn't hurt me so much BUT

I do feel sad and i feel bad about this like incredibly bad because i sort of feel like i have always been interested in what happens after death, more so like the interest in death is more fascinating than anything that my life could amount to.

Ok so the part i feel even worse about is that there are teens in the world who kick the bucket or commit sewer slide with worse lives than me and there are kids who have it worse do better, like im out her putting a stain on my life and family if i kick the bucket or sewer slide because im not as strong as them. But i do think about how sad my mum and dad would be.

I just feel like i need to universally go and better my life, like I'm kind of athletic so maybe put that into something like the gym or biking or sunning, and im smart but haven't done well or finished assignments for first and MOST important time of my life so maybe just grind those forever until end. Also side not i am always filled with multiple thoughts 20 hrs 7 days a week of something to do with XXXX like its just crazy and i dont know how to act. Ok so im the funniest one (not a gloat but kind oif a fact, sure maybe im not but my friends alwasysay im funny anyway) And now i feel like theres this infinite feeling of regret and sadness and anger inside my all the time like and when im being funny its me being myself but i fee bad like its me putting a front on for how im feeling, but its not really a front its who i am but it feels both ways and i feel like people only see it one way. ALSO EDIt: my parents dont live together either its just my mum, (stepdad who is outcast and he doesn't like me right now (rightfully so) i can give more context if needed.) And my dad lives with my grandfather until she dies (end of year) Omg and i need a job like holy noboy just robot interviews man like please gimme a job i can code! ;( )

Sorry no paragraphs just use your mind, need my writing style to be anonymous ooh spooky

Theres definitely more and if someone wants any context please let me know and i will provide (will log back in 4 days)

TL;DR Bunch of life issues regarding relationships and feelings (and maybe self improvement (not looksmaxxing) ) (AND YES IM 18)

ok idk how to post this but im going to start with a recap (sounds cringe sorry)

So i broke up with my girlfriend around December? January im not sure and i don't feel like scrolling to check. We broke up because she didn't think she was ready BUT in the aspect of where it was me who i sort of put this pressure on her. more context of heer only ver texting after i do (which i didn't care of for the 2 years we were friends) And I'm the type of person to never touch their phone like EVER but after we started dating i for some reason decided that i would get stressed out with her not texting me (not because of any reason more like me wondering if she really likes me or not) And i got all stressed and she would text and say she would call then not call and its because she would get distracted with reading or something and i didn't mind but it would sort of stress me out. Afterward we would call and play games together everynight and we sort of started it and then i kept asking if she wanted to, because i thought it was just a routine and was unsure if that was fine in a relationship, like its the thing we did everyday and i put a bit too much pressure on it to happen and i didn't realise. Then after almost 2 moths we broke up and i do feel quite sad, ***i wanna go all out here and say this from a erspective that i feel nothing but genuine good feelings about XXX i have always liked her she has been THE nicest person i have ever met and throughout when i was in school she was known as this amazing person. And i loved her family the onlt thing i didn't like was when i didn't introduce myself to her dad with a handshake like that was awful of me. Anyways i believe that i would have done anything she needed from, me like i stayed with her when she was waiting for etc and etc. Not that these are me hyping up how i was but i hope this wasn't confusing.

Okay next hindsight is a bitch like i am looking back at this thinking how stupid i was for doing these things and trying not to THINK about this everyday about how it was my fault, i do think like yeah but i WAS stupid, coulda shoulda woulda huh. Anyways when it came back to school time about a month after, i just couldn't do anything and it ruined my whole routine as we sat and talked to each other everyday and we just sat apart so everything was thrown off, and i haven't even gone and talked to her at all for what must have been 3? months now, i jsut cant bting myself to talk to her because i wont even know what to say and now its been so long its even worse waiting, and we ended on really good terms with an amazing message and cards etc, then she asked to drop a present she forgot for Christmas to me off and i wanst free so i said so and she just ended with a thumbs up. Anyways thats not meaning anything and surely doesn't take away from the amazing message we ended on. But i haven't talked to her, i want too because we both valued each others friendships ( we did say so together) like we ended with a hug then the cards etc. Ok sorry long run on sentences English Prof. wont be happy. EDIT: when i say i cried for days its like i let out all the tears for that and when we first broke up over the call it was like i didn't cry but was just in raw shock and was so sad but couldn't cry (we broke up then played games for a few hrs then left)

What i talk is in order of my life's importance. That breakup hurt me more and i cried for days (not manly sorry) anyways it hurt me more than one of my parents being sick (multiple heart attacks, breathing issues) anyway i cant live with them but see them almost daily. But they might die soon and i fel that if they do i wont have any emotion for it, like yes its very sad and i understand but it wont affect me that much (like demolition movie) but not really and that sounds o edgy like oh im tough. But no idk anyways. That doesn't hurt me so much BUT

I do feel sad and i feel bad about this like incredibly bad because i sort of feel like i have always been interested in what happens after death, more so like the interest in death is more fascinating than anything that my life could amount to.

Ok so the part i feel even worse about is that there are teens in the world who kick the bucket or commit sewer slide with worse lives than me and there are kids who have it worse do better, like im out her putting a stain on my life and family if i kick the bucket or sewer slide because im not as strong as them. But i do think about how sad my mum and dad would be.

I just feel like i need to universally go and better my life, like I'm kind of athletic so maybe put that into something like the gym or biking or sunning, and im smart but haven't done well or finished assignments for first and MOST important time of my life so maybe just grind those forever until end. Also side not i am always filled with multiple thoughts 20 hrs 7 days a week of something to do with XXXX like its just crazy and i dont know how to act. Ok so im the funniest one (not a gloat but kind oif a fact, sure maybe im not but my friends alwasysay im funny anyway) And now i feel like theres this infinite feeling of regret and sadness and anger inside my all the time like and when im being funny its me being myself but i fee bad like its me putting a front on for how im feeling, but its not really a front its who i am but it feels both ways and i feel like people only see it one way. ALSO EDIt: my parents dont live together either its just my mum, (stepdad who is outcast and he doesn't like me right now (rightfully so) i can give more context if needed.) And my dad lives with my grandfather until she dies (end of year) Omg and i need a job like holy noboy just robot interviews man like please gimme a job i can code! ;( )

Sorry no paragraphs just use your mind, need my writing style to be anonymous ooh spooky

Theres definitely more and if someone wants any context please let me know and i will provide (will log back in 4 days)

TL;DR Bunch of life issues regarding relationships and feelings (and maybe self improvement (not looksmaxxing) ) (AND YES IM 18)