u/Asraidevin

He just endlessly brings up ways he says I hurt him. Just endless wearing me down and trying to bait me into conflict.

Most are true but are from years to decades ago. Plus last year when I went to court and he ended up in hospital on his birthday where he was diagnosed.

And he minimizes anything I might have gone through. Especially when it comes to my dad who he idealizes.

When he was in hospital, they made me feel crazy. Like he only has a problem with you so you must be a problem. I kept fighting them, "he was never like this. I'm not taking a return until he has a factory reset" and when he got out the meds were starting and he was getting to clarity but he quit taking them just before we hit the sweet spot.

The most admittance I got was "I was acting like a lunatic."

I keep watching videos where they end with "join my course." Like I have money. If I get through this, I will start a course that's free.

Anyway, my last text took away his rebuttal. He brought up most of his issues tonight ending with the hospital to which I said "You're right that last year was incredibly heavy, and it's clear you felt completely uncared for and abandoned during that whole time from April to August. I hear how awfully memorable it was for you. "

And he replied "yup and you write that" then went quiet. So that's a win maybe and I got a run in between the rainstorms.

Hope you all are good. I just needed to write that all down and hear validation.

Yes I choose to stay.

*edit: I broke yesterday and begged him to stay. Ifs the most reliable conflict button he pushes. and I usually beg him to stop saying he's leaving etc.

this morning he said it's the first time I've said that. ever. ironically he keeps threatening, I won't care much longer.*

I'm feeling broken today.

Husband in manic or mixed state. Anosognosia. And unmedicated.

My teenager said he's had past experiences that make him feel the environment is unsafe. I'm worried his teacher is going to report things and our teenager will choose to leave.

Husband says he's leaving end of the month. But he doesn't seem to have a plan other than "drive away" and take some of his retirement money I guess.

We can have the nicest night of cuddling and talking And he says i said everything right.

And five seconds later he's raging at me for lying about everything for 25 years and never caring about him.

Sometimes, I just wish he'd go. And I also desperately love him and know He's not okay.

I just needed somewhere to put this. Everyone says I should just go. Leave him. It's hard to get support.

I just have to get this out.

Last year I had my husband involuntarily hospitalized through the court in Alberta.

He got a bipolar dx, stayed 20ish days. But has total anosognosia. I think he's been mixed state or depressed since release.

He also turns 50 this year. Since he doesn't understand why I went through the process, I can't explain. Even if I say "I was worried, but I'm glad I was wrong" it's anger. If I say I'm sorry I violated your autonomy he says that I never apologize.

We have been together 25 years. There are lots of hurts. He is stuck ruminating on them.

The past two weeks i would say he's in mania. I've been trying to use emapathy, validation, and not argue. He ranges from down right mean to just upset about these past things. Even agreement becomes something to be angry about. "I don't know why you say what you say."

He seems to be crashing into depression as we can have a conversation at least where I can talk.

He told me today he's just been trying to communicate that he's been hurting for the past month. In no way has he said that, it's all accusations that I don't care and I never apologize.

When he was in hospital they kept saying there was nothing wrong because he was only angry with me for things that actually happened (not all the things he's upset at have actually happened. I have apologized often). I've read other people's stories and the same thing happens. This anger only at them or a select few.

He idolizes my dad who I had a complicated relationship with. Refuses to discuss any possiblity my dad was not perfect. My dad passed a few years ago.

He also idolizes his best friend who I don't get along with. He's anti everything social justice type stuff.

I told him today if he needs to me apologize then he needs to say "I need an apology for...". And he replies, "but you get mad when I ask for things."

No I get hurt and mad when he says I don't care and I never apologize.

Since I've been quiet and not arguing I say "I'm just listening" and "I'm too tired to get into that." He accuses me of stonewalling. He keeps going by me and saying "so you have nothing to say."

I have apologized, agreed, and explained. I am out of things to try. He doesn't like any of them. I've broken down a few times today. I have 2 jobs one as an EA and one as a respite worker for high needs kids. And I am not sleeping enough because if we sleep in the same room he doesn't stop talking. Plus it's been 30+ C all week and we don't have AC and it's hot as hell. And my teenager is struggling because it's been 4 years of this and I didn't know what was going on so I fought back against the accusations.

Sorry. Thank you.