u/Astrid_Onyx

I just need to vent. Please don’t be offended if your Catholic I really don’t care what religion anyone is however I am highly sensitive to Catholicism as so many of my fucking family members and husbands family members are themselves Catholic and it’s annoying as fuck. And here’s why it’s annoying as fuck ((for Me)).

I grew up with a dad who was a music director for the Catholic Church. This meant he was gone doing his regular 40 hour job + 20 hours of church work. When he was home he was practicing church music. He was emotionally absent and selfish. He treated his church friends more like family than his own 2 daughters. Yes he made the money and we were all fed but he also consistently lost jobs and moved me and my sister around state to state growing up so we had no stability. My nut case of a mother never gave a fuck. We did the whole go to church thing on Sunday until I was 13 and finally gave them enough hell that I quit going and they never bothered me about it. Probably for the best seeing as my father liked to project a happy family life and that was easier if we weren’t around to show the truth of how miserable we all were including my mother who also apparently let had harbored feelings of resentment and jealousy of the attention his music position got him from other women and people in general. He’d later go on to cheat on my mother but that’s a whole other story. In any case my dad was doing multiple mass a week plus funerals so it was church church church. Just the perfect little escape for him to do what the fuck ever and not be a part of my life.

Anyhow I’ve cut contact and been no contact since I found out he voted for trump again in 2024. I had recently come out to both my parents about being raped at 14 I had family therapy to try and make things work with them about my childhood trauma issues and how they were both emotionally absent and neglectful parents. My sister and I both raised ourselves. My mother was off in her own little world of mental illness.

Anyhow here I am now 42 and my husbands family is full of Catholics. It normally doesn’t effect me in any way except when his mom has to always go to church during our visits (we live 4 hrs away) and it just triggers me to feel annoyed but it’s not earth shattering. However this is the second funeral of a family member I’ve had to attend in a year ((her brother just died)) and the funeral is of course at a Catholic Church.

And damn did I get triggered. The music the smell of old wood and frankincense and holy water. It all makes me want to puke because I know my dad choose to care more about it then he ever did about me. He never protected me or cared enough to know jack shit about me that wasn’t superficial and shallow. Couldn’t even tell me my favorite things if you asked him. That never changed into my adult life either. I just had to always brush my pain under the rug and take the small emotional scraps I could get.

Anyhow I went to the funeral and the little remembrance party for this uncle and it sucks because I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by all my unresolved grief over this stuff.

I’m also bisexual and never came out to either parent because they are racist and my mother is 100% homophobic and my dad is to although he won’t admit it but his actions suggest otherwise.

There’s just this grief that never goes away knowing your parents won’t ever accept or love you and that they are brainwashed by religion and republicans.

The fact that he’d joke with me about how much of a idiot trump was which led me to hoping he’d started to change and then I realized he voted for him AGAIN after knowing about my SA and how much it fucked me up. But obviously not caring because ultimately I guess women aren’t important and the one daughter he had that was still speaking to him. ((After I found out I went off on him in a text and blocked him though)) been no contact since with either of my idiot parents.

Anyhow fuck this shit. Fuck the church fuck your fairytale beliefs and fuck the right wing and Fox News. And fuck you dad for always letting me down and leaving me with these festering angry feelings that I hate.

Fuck the fact that I know many more Catholic funerals are in my future because my mother in laws family are all Catholic.

This sucks and I just hate it all. And I just needed to vent because I feel incredibly alone in this pain and I know there must be some of you who understand it, or can empathize with what I’m saying.

I’m feeling like a very sad and angry atheist right now.

Thanks for listening…if you have a similar story feel free to sure and join in on my misery party <3

I’m only 42. Wth. So I’ve not only recently been diagnosed with UCTD and highly suspected Sjorgrens as well as having had severe pain in my hips since April - side sleeping ect landed me in the orthopedic office tried injections, have been doing physical therapy and finally got a MRI and wouldn’t you know it’s more then bursitis as was originally suggested it’s also this:

Gluteal tendon disease (partial tear on the right and tendinitis on the left).
Trochanteric bursitis.
Mild hip osteoarthritis.
The small left labral tear

The next worst part?
A possible underlying inflammatory or autoimmune condition contributing to tendon and bursal inflammation. So my having UCTD / Sjogrens is making it worse.

I just started on plaquenil and am continuing physical therapy. Next step is to see a specialist about the treatment options moving forward more so in regards to the small tears and what not.

Has anyone else experienced these issues co-morbidly as I am? In addition I have back pain from a few facet joints in my lower lumbar region and I believe the nerves are sensitive there and also causing inflammation so I am having a mri of my back done soon as well to see if this could be contributing even more to these things.

If you’ve experienced any of this and made it out to the other side can you please enlist your experience, outcome, journey, and overall advice for me? It’s kind of hitting me hard today and my mental health is just wrecked.

Really appreciate it.

I know this isn’t anything new but I just felt like ranting to people who would understand. I usually sell items that are under $15 and for those I don’t care as much if I get rated quickly or not but when I sell a item over $50 for some reason these are always the people who don’t log back in and use the app I just have to sit here and wait until it auto rates. So freakin annoying! It’s always when I’m low on cash to and could really use it. Ugh. Anyway I guess I’m gonna shut up now and enjoy being broke!

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk 💀🤣

My abnormal results so far:

1:160 ANA Nuclear homogeneous
CRP 2.2
sed rate 44
C3 Complement 182

I’ve also been tested for but came back normal for:

C4 complement
Creatine Kinase
Uric Acid
Rheumatoid Factor
Sjogren Antibodies
Transglutaminase IgA Antibodies
Immunoglobulin A (IgA)

Symptoms: Severe fatigue, have to take a 2 hr nap every afternoon, have osteoarthritis in my lower back, and am having bursitis in both hips currently lots of inflammation and pain. I have the rosacea redness on my face but I haven’t ever had it tested. So it could be lupus maybe? Thinking I should see a dermatologist for that.

Rheumatologist wanted to check for connective tissue disease so that’s the bloodwork I had done so far, I’m thinking more tests are on the docket?

Waiting on the next steps and curious to hear your thoughts? Does this sound similar to you? Any advice, guidance or suggestions for me?

Thanks