u/Away_Addition_2038

If you got banned from hinge and you are sure you havent insulted, threatened or did anything bad you can get unbanned easily. I used this template and got unbanned after 2 hours. I think i was banned for sending the same text to a lot of people.

Template:

I’m writing to appeal the ban on my Hinge account. I was surprised to see that my account was banned, as I have never insulted, threatened, harassed, or intentionally made anyone feel unsafe on the platform.

The only thing I can think of that may have triggered the ban is that I sent the same or very similar message to a number of people. I understand that this could potentially be interpreted as spam or behavior that goes against Hinge’s guidelines, but there was no intention to harass anyone or misuse the platform.

Zig matches und Nummern ausgetausch, aber warum auch immer bekomme ich kein treffen zustande. In den letzten 5 Monaten hatte ich 3 Dates und das wars.

Egal was ich mache, ob ich 3 Tage oder 1 Woche schreibe, werde ich entweder geghosted oder mir werden immer Dates aus was für gründen auch immer abgesagt. Ich habe schon alles mögliche im Thema Schreiben versucht, banter, humor, wenig teasing aber es haut nichts hin.

Auch wenn ich Dates nach 8-9 Nachrichten plane scheint es nicht zu funktionieren.

Wie soll ich jetzt nicht an mir selbst zweifeln?

When you have a relationship with a BPD, its always about them. They expect you to do everything so they feel satisfied.

If you then bring up your own needs or boundaries, be prepared for some big drama. They will not respect your boundaries, and they surely dont care about your needs. They will hate you when setting boundaries and talk badly about you with their friends. Youre going to be the evil one for them

A healthy relationship is never one sided, both partners need to put in the work and respect each others boundaries. There are a lot of people who think setting boundaries with your partner is going to make the relationship last, but it doesnt. Boundaries are for your own good. They dont work on BPD and they will not accept it either.

Can you imagine, they will accuse you of not loving them because of you setting boundaries. You will always end up being hated

I will list some things to show what can happen to you if you dont leave a BPD relationship especially after years. I know it is hard to leave but i wanna give yall some sort of awakening and show you that its not worth it to keep a BPD relagionship going.

- You can become depressed

- You can develop trust issues for other relationships

- You likely become a anxious avoidant

- If you have kids, they will likely develop the same disorder or other mental health issue

- You will get sleepless

- You may risk losing your job

- You will cut your friends off that you known for years because you were emotionally attached to a toxic partner

- You will doubt yourselves

- You may lose everything you worked hard for years

- You will likely become insecure

- You may not be able to get over your partner even years later

- You will develop wrong expectations and your view of a relationship changes

- You may consume drugs to cope with the trauma

- You will likely believe that you will never have a relationship again with good things

- You leave everything just for the sake of your partner

- Your new partner will have to probably suffer from the trauma you bring into the new relationship

- You may start to get panick attacks because your nervous system has been burned out

These dont have to happen, but they can happen and i bet atleast one of these is going to happen. Thinking realistic is difficult when having an emotional attachment to someone but its just for your own good

The BPD sense of reality is short term only. You will now ask youself what this exactly means.

It means that because BPD's brains work mostly on emotions, their decisions, behaviours and what they say are only true for the moment.

Example: When they tell you X, later it will be Y because the emotions changed by time.

So this means everything they do and say is genuine and the truth, but ONLY for the moment. Expect different later on.

Their emotional brains override logic and thats why they do stuff that comes off as weird to a healthy person but for them its normal.

This is another reason why you need to leave, because everything they say and do cannot be trusted at ALL. There is no magic trick into fixing this disorder, maybe with DBT but it takes years and by the time your partner heals, youre probably the one who needs healing

I know youre hoping when your BPD partner will come back and give you another chance or they hope you will do. I know its haunting you 24/7 but this feeling will 100% subside IF you stay grounded and keep the no contact.

It is very important to do the no contact with the intention of healing yourself and dont expect your ex to come back. They will likely come back but keep in mind that no contact is a healing journey for YOU and not a way of hoping them to get back and try to fix things.

When they come back, they either blame you for all, ask for forgiveness and beg you or tell you something different nothing to do with the breakup to test the waters. When they do that, it is VERY important to not give into because its very hard at that moment.

You will cry during no contact, you will feel hopeless and you will feel like you will never experience love again. This is all necessary for you to heal, dont escape your feelings by dating other people while youre still emotionally broken.

It only supresses your emotions and they will bottle up and one day youre going to feel worse because these emotions havent been processed.

We all go through this, even i do but i do my best to not break no contact because i want to heal.

Do not mistake normal behaviour for actual change, you will be horribly disappointed.

Every BPD relationship is like your dream relationship in the beginning and probably later on after the continous up and downs.

What feels like normality is just a reset in the manipulation and abuse. Even if they dont do this consciously. This is exactly what strengthens the trauma bond, it keeps you hooked and you dont even realize this because the high and downs flood you with dopamine.

It makes you continue the relationship in the active abuse cycle. They may seem nice, friendly, loving and you think thank god its all normal again, its not.

You have to remember that each time theres this high and low, it just makes you more and more addicted while you continue telling yourself it will all be normal and good again. Nope, not for you and not for the BPD.

Your BPD will do everything in their power to keep you attached, and make you feel cared for and once you feel ok they will throw you again, again and over again.

They have a false self, to deceive you and it will become more difficult to remove yourself the longer you stay in

You cannot use logic on BPD. A brain that is constantly operating on emotions cannot use logic. Even if you come up with proof. Always your fault.

A stone fell on your head, its your fault

He or she doesnt feel loved, your fault

You meet with friends, you cannot do that

You want to spend time in solitude, its wrong

Youre going to work, cant do that must spend more time with your BPD

Your partner becomes sick, your fault

And everything you can imagine.

If you have kids, they will probably talk badly about you when splitting. The kids will also suffer from this disorder and likely will have some negative views towards you because of the negative environment.

BPD doesnt only mess you up, they mess up the whole family.

The truth is, its mostly never your fault. The emotions of the person just blend out logic and no matter what you will do, its always your fault according to them.

Trust me, dont try to bother communicating anything. BPD dont respond to communication.

Yes they will tell you communication is key, but it doesnt work with them. Empty words. The only thing a BPD responds to, is leaving. Its your right to do so, especially if youre treated badly. You have no obligation to stay in toxic relationships. Your own well being is the most important thing.

Yes its not the fault of the BPD for the mental disorder but its also not the responsibility of the other partner to suffer mentally. The responsibility of BPD is doing therapy.

If you broke up with your BPD ex and youre constantly thinking of him or her enjoying time with the new partner, let me tell you, it will end the same as you did end (likely negative).

BPD untreated will always have a bad ending relationship. Maybe 1 year, 2 years, 10 years, 20 years. They can monkey branch as much as they want, its a ticking time bomb. It doesnt matter who the new person is, rich, poor, kind, bad etc.

They will make healthy partners emotionally addicted, and after that healthy ones will end up going to therapy. Then the next healthy person gets played.

Its just a question of time, until the next relationship gets torn into pieces. The cycle will always be the same with them:

Love bomb -> Develop strong emotions -> Fear of Abandonment -> Fights -> Black / White thinking -> Breakup

Its ALWAYS the same. The cycle just repeats different amount of times for every other partner. Theres no winning for the BPD only self sabotage

Once the honeymoon phase is over and you think it all works out nicely thats when it starts to go downhill. For some its 2 weeks, for some 2 months or even a year. But the longer it lasts, the more devastated you will feel once everything goes south.

There will be problems everywhere and you will probably think that you can study BPD and learn how to cope with your BPD partner so he or she doesnt breakup. Trust me, i thought the same. I thought i could handle her emotionally and manage this disorder through videos, books and articles.

Let me tell you, it doesnt work in the long run. You WILL feel burned out and you will start questioning yourself what else you could have done. Well you cant do anything more or less. There is only THERAPY for your BPD partner but dont put your hope in therapy either because it is very difficult and theres no guarantee he or she will come out better.

Yeah i know you tried everything, talked, listened, spend time together, showed love and affection. But it is all for nothing. Yes, nothing. Your BPD partner will still tell you that they dont feel loved by you, that you should spend more time with them, that its always you fault in every single matter

Please STOP hoping and trying harder if you are currently in a BPD relationship. There is truly nothing you can do, and most of the times, the episodes are not your fault either

You will become better after breaking up with your BPD. It can only become better, trust me.

Right now youre feeling sad, anxious, maybe angry, sleepless etc.

But you need to trust me, no matter how much pain you are in right now, there will be a time where you will be healed, happy and glad you did it. You can only come out stronger.

Do not stalk your BPD on social media, block them everywhere, change your usernames if you can so they cant find you anymore, change your phone number, if you can, move to another place. Whatever you can do, do it.

NEVER EVER try to get back. Each time you try to get back, healing will take longer.

And he/she WILL try to come back to you, no matter how many times you or they broke up with you. Thats why you need to do whatever you can to remove yourself from the possibility. They will come back and you will feel a spark in your mind, telling you that there is this tiny speck of light and hope to fix things. But im here to tell you, with BPD theres nothing to fix, ONLY to run AWAY.

Screenshot this, or what ever you do, keep this in mind so you can heal as fast as possible.

You were so happy, probably some of you thought it is too good to be true. I had this gut feeling in the first couple of days.

For me it was like i got everything i wished for in my life, "true" love, finally someone that accepts me for who i am, someone that i can talk to endlessly, etc.

Not knowing one day everything will be shattered on my head. I was so happy and confident until that day, that one day the first issue arised and from there on, everything went downhill. Problems everywhere, everyday, every second and there was no end to it.

Until it was too much for me, realizing if i did not leave now, a very dark place is awaiting for me. You think it was love, but in reality, you got addicted to the moments, the highs and downs, and you got addicted to the dopamine that was showered on you all the time.

I was lucky, it only went for 4 weeks, some of you been there for years. And many unfortunately will develop some trauma because of the BPD partner, infecting other future relationships. For me it was my first relationship, but i take it as a lesson rather than punishment.

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They need to do therapy. It wont get rid of BDP but it will help them manage their emotions better and rationalize more. For the BPD its even better if he/shes not in a relationship.

A lot of BPDs dont like to go to therapy because of avoiding shame, intense fear of vulnerability, and rejection sensitivity. And many therapists actually dont want to treat people with BPD either because treatment is very complex

Even after successful  treatment, long term stability is not guaranteed and there can be still issues that leak through while being overwhelmed with emotions.

Untreated relationship with BPD is like binge drinking and then hope not to become drunk.

Its not their fault for the mental illness they have, but its also not the responsibility of the partner to handle wrong actions, emotional chaos etc.

If boundaries cannot be set which is crucial for a long term healthy relationship, its destined for failure, eventually resulting in both partners suffering after all of the emotional rollercoasters

I want you to read this very carefully.

You realized the rollercoaster was not for you

You realized everything you did was for nothing

You realized that the peace you wished for, was never there

You realized that you could never help your partner

You realized that breaking up is the only way to go

You realized that you will become better and more confident after healing from this

You realized that no matter what you did there was always a problem and everything was your fault

Congratulations for taking the hardest step, breaking up and moving on from your partner. 1000% the best thing you could ever have done to yourself, be proud of yourself, most would wait that the other person breaks up.

Continue the no contact. Moments where your brain will tell you that its a good idea to reach out again will come, because your mind will manipulate you into thinking that it somehow was your fault. But this is exactly the moment where you need to pause, breathe and try your best to remind yourself on why you went this way.

Better times will come for you, you will have a healthy relationship, you will come out stronger and you will learn from it.

Keep your head up and be proud of yourself.

Im writing this to help one or another that currently is stuck in a situation where one doesnt know how to move forward or fix a current situation or trying the best to fix everything.

You cannot satisfy your BPD partner, NEVER, whatever you do try your best to manifest this. It doesnt matter if you name every star after them, save their lifes, give them a million dollars, build a house, and whatever one can think of.

They are never happy or thankful for the good things you do to them, actually all of that will be pushing the BPD away from you because they start to feel engulfed.

It is a never ending loop. Theres no end to it and you must realize this now even if you are together for years, it is only for your own well being.

Now you will be asking yourselves, what is the fix?

The fix is pretty simple but very hard to do. You need to leave now, you dont own anyone anything, you cant help them and surely not satisfy them. It is all meaningless to them.

The solution is in your own hands: Analyze, Realize, Grief, Move on.

The sooner you move the more thankful you will be to yourself. Thats all i can tell you now, dont end up like i did.

I know people with BPD it is not their fault. But a lot of people with BPD dont want treatment either. Yes treatment wont fix BPD but they will be able to manage their emotions better.

I can just give you a good advice for your future self that if you see and know your partner has a lot of red flags then i want you to be honest about it and think rationally. If your partner creates problems out of no where, pushes you away then begs you to come back or whatever it is, please know it is better to leave now because this is a toxic relationship and leads to trauma bonding.

Right now everything feels good until you get into another rollercoaster or even worse, your BPD partner leaves you. Trust me if that happens, you will feel like shit (ive went through it because i thought that i can manage to handle a BPD)

I know it is hard to leave but your future self will thank you for it. The sooner you leave the less worse the symptoms afterwards. There are other people on the planet that will accept you how you are as a person.

If your partner does treatment, you can observe but still try to distance yourself in the meanwhile

Ive been dating her for 4 weeks now and the first 2 weeks were very nice. We met everyday, walked together, talked with eachother and so on. Until the second week came she told me after 2 weeks she has borderline and after that day, every time i say no or have a boundary she gets everything wrong and gets upset very fast.

She tells me she doesnt see enough attention from her while i do everything in reality, hold her hands, listen to her, always take time to meet with her, never judge her and no matter what i do its never enough.

And the sad part about this is, even if everything great, she will just create problems out of nowhere. Theres no end to this, we have been discussing with each other almost every day about a different thing and she doesnt respect anything. Even if i write in a friendly manner and not let my emotions out because of her toxic behavior, she stays the same.

Rott in hell